What is an acceptable age gap?

In short... I'm in a bit of a predicament right now. I have liked this guy for ages and yesterday found out that he likes me very much too. Only problem is there is a nine year age gap... I'm 18 and he's 27 and if we had met at work or something then it would be fine however we met through him being my leader at Scouts. I'm a leader now as well, but he thinks that if it was found out, people wouldn't believe that nothing had been going on before and it would look awful to the parents etc. and ruin the group. So now I'm keeping this secret and I can't even tell my best friend, because I know it would end up getting out. What to do?

Reply 1

Guffy

That's a massive age gap, and one I wouldn't be comfortable with, but you're both adults, and should start acting like it and be honest about your relationship.

Hiding it is only going to make things worse.

Reply 2

CJ

TSR Group Staff

21

hmmm i wouldn't see how there would be a problem with an age gap like that, although i guess some people would.

The only problems i see with age gaps is when the younger of the two is so much more immature than the older person - say for instance an 17/18 yr old going out with a 45 yr old, thinking they love them after they've only been going out for a short while and suddenly become pregnant...

I'm sure if ur both 2 mature people and don't think about it as a problem then then it should be fine

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Yes, but for the good of the Scout group, I don't think everyone finding out would be a good option...

Reply 4

Dude

14

Well I suppose it depends really. Conisdering you are 19 and he is 27, its not as bad as some of the ones I've heard. Its not like he is 20 and you are 13, that is really wrong.

But with your ages, I would say its ok.

Reply 5

CJ

TSR Group Staff

21

Anonymous

Yes, but for the good of the Scout group, I don't think everyone finding out would be a good option...

do you see this scout thing as a long term commitment, if so then thats where the problem lies...
if not a little waiting can't hurt...

Reply 6

ledge

Leave the scout troop yourself and wait for a good length of time. If you value your (joint) relationship with the Scouts, the longer the better in my opinion but it's not impossible if you handle it very carefully

Reply 7

Princess In Disguise

i agree with cjmcnair

Reply 8

Evil-Tuna

2

He's too old. Find someone closer to your own age.

Reply 9

M j R

10

How long have you know this guy for? That would be the main issue here, as if you've known him for 3 or more years this is when questions would be raised, I know of someone who was in explorer scouts and got together with the leader who was around early 20s, she was 17 at the time, they only met in explorers though and no one raised an eye brow at it. The reason I say 3 years is because that would make you under legal age at that time, which people might think something has been going on since then, which then it could casue problems. Do people who you know from scouts know that you like him? When did you tell them if they do know, as they may think something has been going on.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

M j R

How long have you know this guy for? That would be the main issue here, as if you've known him for 3 or more years this is when questions would be raised, I know of someone who was in explorer scouts and got together with the leader who was around early 20s, she was 17 at the time, they only met in explorers though and no one raised an eye brow at it. The reason I say 3 years is because that would make you under legal age at that time, which people might think something has been going on since then, which then it could casue problems. Do people who you know from scouts know that you like him? When did you tell them if they do know, as they may think something has been going on.

Hey, ye I only joined Explorer Scouts in this last yr so aged 17/18.
They all know I like him, they just don't know he likes me too...

Reply 11

edu

2

That or start making it obvious slowly slowly to everyone as if you have just started dating so everyone believes there seeing the beginning of the relationship flourish? As opposed to you announcing it and everyone thinking that the beginning or "Flourishing" (haha) happened in the past?

Reply 12

lil one

2

The age gap I personally would be uncomfortable with, but thats just me, I'd be uncomfortable with probably, more than a 4year gap.

Maybe you should think about what means more to you. Waiting a little longer to continue this relationship and putting your scouts group first. Or this guy.
Anyway, whatever you do, theres no point keeping your relationship a secret. Trust me, it messes up things in the end, and you won't be comfortable in your relationship as you have to always watch what you do together, incase other people see, etc.
Goodluck x

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

In scouting as long as he isn't your current leader, or likely to be in charge of you - then it's fine (in PoR).
Are you a YL or an ESL? If you're a YL and he's SL/ASL or something, then he would still be your leader.....

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Anonymous

In scouting as long as he isn't your current leader, or likely to be in charge of you - then it's fine (in PoR).
Are you a YL or an ESL? If you're a YL and he's SL/ASL or something, then he would still be your leader.....

No no he is ASL and I am ASL we are technically equal status in the Scouting world.

Reply 15

Talon

18

Of all the age gaps ive heard on this site that is pretty tame :smile:

. How long have you been a leader for?

Im not sure about scout terminology but basically your an adult instructor right? (I was an Army Cadet...Much simpler :biggrin:

).

Reply 16

5six7eight9ten

I think that you cant help who you lie and stuff but you have to accept that people will be negative towards this and if theres any problems they may think you're being favoured. Also theres the question whether hes abusing his responsibilty, one of the teachers at my 6th form became involved with a student after shed left but everything seems fine and he didnt get suspended

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeppo, both same status as leaders.

Reply 18

Talon

18

Assuming she is an official on the books instructor then there is nothing really against it. If it is one of those weird things between scout/instructor then it might be a bit dodgy (I know the ATC have something like this but im not sure of the specifics).

Reply 19

M j R

10

Anonymous

No no he is ASL and I am ASL we are technically equal status in the Scouting world.

That makes it ok then. The two people I mentioned only started dating when they were leaders, so it's ok to go out with him, you are now a leader so no one can say anything.

What is an acceptable age gap?

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