How do i try and get on with boyfriends parents when they dislike me? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 years ago
#1
Right sorry for the long thread but ive tried to shorten it the best i can..

Ive been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years now im 18 and hes 17, turns 18 in a few months and his parents have always seemed to disliked me. They dont go out of their way to be nasty to me in person or anything like that, they hurt in the hardest way instead; by controlling my boyfriend and when we can and cant see each other.

Ive never done anything for them to not like me so im unsure as to why they are like this but they have been like it since we got together. We will plan to go out somewhere and his parents will refuse to pick him up but only tell him last minute just before were about to go, but my parents work late so they cant drop him home but i dont want him walking back in the dark on his own as he was mugged previously when we did it. Ill suggest him stopping at mine so he doesnt have to walk back on his own and so his parents will know he is safe and then he can travel back in the morning or they can come and get him but they will say no just for the sake of saying no, with no real reason.
They make excuses such as "family day the next day so he has to sleep at home" but then the next day he does nothing all day but isnt allowed to see me. This sometimes stops us going out at all as i dont want him getting hurt walking home alone but he cant get back so we have to cancel the plans and see each other another time.

They are different with his friends he can see them as many times as he likes and sleep around their houses 2/3 times a week if he wants but he cant see me more than twice a week and hes only ever slept around mine 5 times in the whole 4 years weve been together.

Its gotten to the point where my boyfriend has planned for us to go out and stay in a hotel and then his dad will ring and he tells him that he is staying at his friends house.. not with me and his dad just says ok. But if he would of said he was staying with me then his dad would have gone mad he even said so himself.. (i didnt know he had lied to his dad until we had already booked into the hotel and i dont condone lying and id rather his parents know where he is and who he is with)

These are just some small examples as to how they seem to show that they dislike me, does anyone have opinions and would think the same?

if they do dislike me how can I try and live with it, he has to do what they say because he lives there and isnt 18 yet but their making our relationship difficult as i can only see him twice a week max and he can never stay. Even when he does hes not allowed round until about 7pm and then he gets picked up at 11am.. (their rules) :/

I dont know how to be nice about it and ignore it anymore, after 4 years now its just making me angry but i have to be careful because obviously their his parents and i know he loves them dearly..

Anybody got any advice on how to deal with this? and i dont want suggestions of leaving my boyfriend because i love him and doing so is only punishing him for his parents behaviour.
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unprinted
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#2
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What does he think about it?
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fabulasmic
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#3
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Wow, well done for putting up with this for so long. He is getting to the age now where this level of control exerted by his parents is beginning to be more than a little unreasonable. Like the previous poster I am intrigued to see what your boyfriend thinks about this?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fabulasmic)
Wow, well done for putting up with this for so long. He is getting to the age now where this level of control exerted by his parents is beginning to be more than a little unreasonable. Like the previous poster I am intrigued to see what your boyfriend thinks about this?
I told my boyfriend over dinner a week ago and he said he can see why i think what i do and where i am coming from with being but he said he cant do nothing about it until hes moved out as they have an "our roof, our rules" attitude so basically until he moves out ive got to just "put up with it" but i dont know if i can..

I dont want us to break up because of his parents but i dont know how im supposed to deal with it any more. He wasnt allowed to sleep over my house last week when we went out because they were having a "family day" and going out together.. but then the next day we were texting and the only thing he had done was go to the gym.. they just lie to make things harder for us.

My boyfriend loves his parents a lot, hes very family orientated and to him what they say, goes. He has no say at all if they say no to something.

So he basically thinks that nothing can be changed until he moves out and then when he does he can do what he wants.. but if im honest i think they will still hold SOME kind of control over him when he moves out like saying he has to come back home so many times etc etc..

2 years ago we managed to convince them to let us go to Thorpe Park for a weekend.. and for the whole weekends they were constantly ringing him and getting his little sister to FaceTime him and stuff. We were sat the one night eating in a restaurant and his sister was trying to FaceTime him and he cancelled it and text her saying he was out and eating so he couldnt answer at the time, 30 seconds later he got a call from his dad shouting down the phone that he had to talk to his sister and he was being spiteful and all he had to do was turn the volume down. So we sat at a table with me eating in silence and him talking to his sister on his phone taking casual bites of his food.

Any advice? :confused:
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by unprinted)
What does he think about it?
^^^

sorry, i forgot to quote you in
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Ecto
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I know its probably harsh but I see only 2 REAL options
1) Try to talk to the parents with out your boyfriend as if he was there they might think that to may be influencing eachother's opinions, reassure them about how your relationship, how things are going and about your plans with him
2) Screw what they say and enjoy life! If they are normal then they shouldn't do anything irrational that would hurt their child (and therefore you kinda)
(This is only from personal experience)
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Ecto)
I know its probably harsh but I see only 2 REAL options
1) Try to talk to the parents with out your boyfriend as if he was there they might think that to may be influencing eachother's opinions, reassure them about how your relationship, how things are going and about your plans with him
2) Screw what they say and enjoy life! If they are normal then they shouldn't do anything irrational that would hurt their child (and therefore you kinda)
(This is only from personal experience)
Thanks for your advice!

I dont know how id go about talking to his parent without him.. to be honest it makes me nervous even thinking about doing it. But i know the second option wouldnt work at all cause they would just stop him from seeing me for a week or two if he didnt do what they say.

You said "from personal experience"? what was your situation like? did you manage to work things out?
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Ecto
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Well my parents were VERY sceptical of my now gf, and my mum said that we couldnt see eachother or talk to eachother for six months. Me being an adolescent guy i didnt listen and listened to my hormones instead of my parents. After a bit they just left us alone about a week and now they love her being my gf and me being with her. I think its just mostly point of view
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 years ago
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(Original post by Ecto)
Well my parents were VERY sceptical of my now gf, and my mum said that we couldnt see eachother or talk to eachother for six months. Me being an adolescent guy i didnt listen and listened to my hormones instead of my parents. After a bit they just left us alone about a week and now they love her being my gf and me being with her. I think its just mostly point of view
Oh wow! that gives me a little hope to be honest haha
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