Removing an ex from your life Watch

Anonymous #1
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I spent 18 months with a girl that I was deeply in love with, for us to realise near the end of our relationship that we may be incompatible. Whilst this was a background concern, we both tried to make things work.

She started university last year, and I found out that in the first week, she'd slept with someone else. This devastated me beyond belief; this girl was my world and I couldn't believe she'd get with someone else, especially so haphazardly, whilst we were still trying to work things out. I exploded, and said things that I've since come to regret.

Since then, she continued to see and sleep with said person for a number of months on a casual basis. I struggled immensely with this but tried my best to be there for her. She's a very fragile, emotional person and I still loved her very much. The person she was with treated her awfully, and took no notice of her emotional needs, which made it difficult for me to 'leave' as such.

I tried to be there for her but it became obvious that her mind was elsewhere. Ultimately this got too much to handle, and I tried on numerous occasions to remove her from my life. Initially this didn't last very long, and I kept relenting.

It's now been over a month, and I've cut all forms of contact with her. I didn't inform her of what I was doing this time - the guilt would be overwhelming, and it's what stopped me from removing her from my life before. I feel that this is the right thing for me, and that I'm better off without her in my life. However, I do still care for her wellbeing, and I know that she's going to be struggling without me there.

In the past week she's tried to contact me twice, which I've ignored. I feel that she showed no regard for me or my wellbeing when she decided to sleep with someone else, so in turn I should show no regard for her. I hate to doubt myself now, but, am I doing the right thing? Any advice would be appreciated.
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Emily.97
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I spent 18 months with a girl that I was deeply in love with, for us to realise near the end of our relationship that we may be incompatible. Whilst this was a background concern, we both tried to make things work.

She started university last year, and I found out that in the first week, she'd slept with someone else. This devastated me beyond belief; this girl was my world and I couldn't believe she'd get with someone else, especially so haphazardly, whilst we were still trying to work things out. I exploded, and said things that I've since come to regret.

Since then, she continued to see and sleep with said person for a number of months on a casual basis. I struggled immensely with this but tried my best to be there for her. She's a very fragile, emotional person and I still loved her very much. The person she was with treated her awfully, and took no notice of her emotional needs, which made it difficult for me to 'leave' as such.

I tried to be there for her but it became obvious that her mind was elsewhere. Ultimately this got too much to handle, and I tried on numerous occasions to remove her from my life. Initially this didn't last very long, and I kept relenting.

It's now been over a month, and I've cut all forms of contact with her. I didn't inform her of what I was doing this time - the guilt would be overwhelming, and it's what stopped me from removing her from my life before. I feel that this is the right thing for me, and that I'm better off without her in my life. However, I do still care for her wellbeing, and I know that she's going to be struggling without me there.

In the past week she's tried to contact me twice, which I've ignored. I feel that she showed no regard for me or my wellbeing when she decided to sleep with someone else, so in turn I should show no regard for her. I hate to doubt myself now, but, am I doing the right thing? Any advice would be appreciated.
Im so sorry that you've been through this, I honestly feel for you.

I think you appear to have a strong head on your shoulders, and rather than embracing your sadness which is so easy to do, your thinking logically and practically, and although this route you've taken may be hard, its probably for the best. You shouldn't have to keep going out of your way to care for someone who betrayed you in such a way. Why waste your time? Its time to move on, I say.

Wish you all the best!
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Rock Fan
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You have done the right thing cutting all contact with her, she's shown no regard for your feelings.
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username917703
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I tried to be there for her but it became obvious that her mind was elsewhere. Ultimately this got too much to handle, and I tried on numerous occasions to remove her from my life. Initially this didn't last very long, and I kept relenting.

It's now been over a month, and I've cut all forms of contact with her. I didn't inform her of what I was doing this time - the guilt would be overwhelming, and it's what stopped me from removing her from my life before. I feel that this is the right thing for me, and that I'm better off without her in my life. However, I do still care for her wellbeing, and I know that she's going to be struggling without me there.

In the past week she's tried to contact me twice, which I've ignored. I feel that she showed no regard for me or my wellbeing when she decided to sleep with someone else, so in turn I should show no regard for her. I hate to doubt myself now, but, am I doing the right thing? Any advice would be appreciated.
Stick to NC. You're doing the right thing, I've been in a similar situation myself.

You're spot on by not telling her what you're doing btw, the ball is now in your court seeing as she's the one initiating contact.

From your point of view it's not about showing no regard it should be about looking after yourself and trying to recover, you're obviously gutted and staying in contact with her will just set back your recovery.
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Afghan Warrior
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#5
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You sound like such a nice, sweet guy. I'm really sorry you had to go through that experience. But in my opinion you've done the right thing. It seems like she doesn't care about you enough or even respect you enough to cheat on you. She was only using you because she knew you'd always be there for her. It's going to be difficult not being in contact but it's for the best. Good luck

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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Emily.97)
Im so sorry that you've been through this, I honestly feel for you.

I think you appear to have a strong head on your shoulders, and rather than embracing your sadness which is so easy to do, your thinking logically and practically, and although this route you've taken may be hard, its probably for the best. You shouldn't have to keep going out of your way to care for someone who betrayed you in such a way. Why waste your time? Its time to move on, I say.

Wish you all the best!
That's very sweet of you - thank you!


(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Stick to NC. You're doing the right thing, I've been in a similar situation myself.

You're spot on by not telling her what you're doing btw, the ball is now in your court seeing as she's the one initiating contact.

From your point of view it's not about showing no regard it should be about looking after yourself and trying to recover, you're obviously gutted and staying in contact with her will just set back your recovery.
Thanks for your thoughts. What did you mean by this [part in bold] btw?
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fabulasmic
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You've got to put yourself first in this instance and I think you're going about it the right way. I believe it is the only way to truly get over someone. Hope you're okay, like others have said, you seem really decent
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username917703
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your thoughts. What did you mean by this [part in bold] btw?
Like I said I've been in a similar situation. You said you had tried to go NC but broken it before, if you told her you're going NC and then broke it, you just look weak to her and she knows she's got a hold of you.

If you wanted to get back with her, the ball is in your court now because she is the one who is trying to talk to you.

I'm assuming it's breadcrumbs though, i.e. I miss you, how are you etc, but no apology or mention of trying again. Not that you want to, just talking from my own experience really.

The reason I'm saying you are right for not saying you are going NC is because if you do tell her what you're up to, she knows you're doing it because of her if you get me.

From what you've posted though, best to stick to it and forget her.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by fabulasmic)
You've got to put yourself first in this instance and I think you're going about it the right way. I believe it is the only way to truly get over someone. Hope you're okay, like others have said, you seem really decent
That's so kind of you. I really appreciate your understanding and your words - they help a lot.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Wilfred Little)
Like I said I've been in a similar situation. You said you had tried to go NC but broken it before, if you told her you're going NC and then broke it, you just look weak to her and she knows she's got a hold of you.

If you wanted to get back with her, the ball is in your court now because she is the one who is trying to talk to you.

I'm assuming it's breadcrumbs though, i.e. I miss you, how are you etc, but no apology or mention of trying again. Not that you want to, just talking from my own experience really.

The reason I'm saying you are right for not saying you are going NC is because if you do tell her what you're up to, she knows you're doing it because of her if you get me.

From what you've posted though, best to stick to it and forget her.
I see what you mean.

You're spot on about the breadcrumbs. The messages are littered with a familiar, comfortably flirty tone of a relationship which I just cannot stand. Any idea why she'd even want to bother talking to me at this point?

Thanks again for your advice, I'll be sure to stick to what I've been doing.
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username917703
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I see what you mean.

You're spot on about the breadcrumbs. The messages are littered with a familiar, comfortably flirty tone of a relationship which I just cannot stand. Any idea why she'd even want to bother talking to me at this point?

Thanks again for your advice, I'll be sure to stick to what I've been doing.
Because you've moved on and she wants an ego boost. It may have gone tits up with this other lad or someone else which is why she's talking to you now. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing you care & don't be a cushion.

Again you're doing the right thing man.
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username239687
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She sleeps with someone else within a week and you feel guilty for cutting contact? Grow a back bone and realise that when she was doing the dirty, she didn't give a **** about you. You deserve better, so stop trying to keep someone like that in your life.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by ToastyCoke)
She sleeps with someone else within a week and you feel guilty for cutting contact? Grow a back bone and realise that when she was doing the dirty, she didn't give a **** about you. You deserve better, so stop trying to keep someone like that in your life.
I have my reasons for being hesitant but I appreciate your point, and I agree. Thanks.
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username239687
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I have my reasons for being hesitant but I appreciate your point, and I agree. Thanks.
Everybody has their reasons for being hesitant. Why keep someone so poison in your life. If you're just trying to convince yourself it's fine to keep her in your life, then by all means do it. Everybody else is telling you otherwise.
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