Sorry, you've probably heard this before

OK basically ever since my second night here at uni I've had the pleasure of knowing this young lady and basically we seem to have so much in common. We are both very into rather odd varities of music and seem at ease exposing our enthusiasms and stuff (she was even interested to know I collect Neil Young bootlegs!); and we meet up at least once a week often to watch a film, plus regular msning and texting - I've even taken her to see one of my favourite electric blues guitarists, and she enjoyed it! I'm significantly disabled and I don't think I have met another girl who has been so eager to get to know the person underneath this disability as her. Basically I've never 'clicked' as much with a girl of my age (or possibly even a bloke).

So, I'm confused. Do I get a 'move' in asap, or should I stop trying and settle with a great friendship?? We're meeting for a drink tomorrow and I would like to be clearer how to play this. Any advice?? I was thinking it through and thought I would love it when it works but don't know if I'm up for losing such a good companion if/when it ends (we're only young, i can't expect it not to end really, can i???).

Oh and, sorry this is anon, but being at uni there's more chance of a 'connection' so I just thought it was safer :redface:

Reply 1

Guffy

If you don't mind me asking, what's your disability, and to what extent would it/could it hamper a potential romantic relationship?

Reply 2

pumpkin7

13

if you get on well, then yeah, go for it.

Reply 3

pumpkin7

13

Guffy

If you don't mind me asking, what's your disability, and to what extent would it/could it hamper a potential romantic relationship?

dude, don't be so rude!

Reply 4

Guffy

If he doesn't want to answer then that's perfectly understandable, but I personally think it's quite important to how we understand the situation and to what extent we're able to offer him prudent advice.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Guffy

If you don't mind me asking, what's your disability, and to what extent would it/could it hamper a potential romantic relationship?

OK, I'll be honest, I have cp (ok, if you guess who i am please just keep it to yourself) and here's a few possible 'hampering' factors.....

not a very quite voice
mouth can be occasionly 'spammy' (unfortunately, she was present on one of the few occaisions when I 'dripped'..........but I apologised, she smiled and said it's ok and forgot about it)
Likely to spasm in intense situations (not that i can think of any! :biggrin:

)
Can't get to her flat - its upstairs.

But, as i said, she's cool with everything, she gave me wonderful support in and out of the venue when we went out.

Reply 6

Guffy

What's cp?

Why can you not get to her flat upstairs? Are you paraplegic?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to get an idea of the extent this might be a problem.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Guffy

What's cp?

Why can you not get to her flat upstairs? Are you paraplegic?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just trying to get an idea of the extent this might be a problem.

Cerebral Palsy........... BUT, I don't think it's my disability that's at issue here. So, although I am ok discussing it, I don't really feel it's neccessary in terms of this issue as she seems very cool about it (when we first met she even called me an 'ambassoder for my disability'), although with most other girls it is an issue.

Reply 8

Guffy

Well if your disability isn't an issue, then I really don't see why you wouldn't go for it. He who dares, wins, and all that. You get on great, you spend a lot of time together, seems to me like it would be a mistake not to go for it.

Reply 9

Vampyrcorn

14

do you have any reason to think that she likes you as more than a friend?

it's the same with anyone really... if she's flirtatious and drops hints that she would be interested in more than a friendship then you're probably in with a chance.

if she's not given you any indication that she may interested in a relationship and it only appears that she likes you as a friend then , although you may still be in with a chance, you should go very carefully.

it's really impossible for us to say... maybe just take it slowly?

Reply 10

edu

2

if shes interested and your sure you like her this way then shoot, if your doubting her interest, take it slow.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Vampyrcorn

do you have any reason to think that she likes you as more than a friend?

mmmmmm, hard to say, but I am aware she talks about me (I recieved a 'SPAZZ' msn smiley given to her by her sister for me just after I discussed the fact I actually like the word, and have been told that her flatmates saw my ad for a helper) and she tells me how much she enjoys it when we've been together (although ATM it's just once a week). Also gets a few compliments in

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

She just brought up a previous crush... Is that a really bad sign or not as bad as it seemed?

Reply 13

maag101

1

Anonymous

She just brought up a previous crush... Is that a really bad sign or not as bad as it seemed?

Not as bad as it seems. She's prob just trying to gauge whether you get jealous or not (and if you do it means you like her.... so then she will know if you like her or not.) Tis a risky tactic (guys might think ur a slut or just be irritated) but some girls do it.

Ask her ffs!! To quote Guffy, 'he who dares, wins.'

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

maag101

Not as bad as it seems. She's prob just trying to gauge whether you get jealous or not (and if you do it means you like her.... so then she will know if you like her or not.) Tis a risky tactic (guys might think ur a slut or just be irritated) but some girls do it.

Ask her ffs!! To quote Guffy, 'he who dares, wins.'

I know but I'm worried we value each other too much as friends :confused:

i'm really confuzzled, and when you say 'ask her' is that on a 'date' or declare feelings??

Reply 15

Create

2

How did your drink with her go? In what context did she mention the guy she had a crush on?

Wouldn't worry about it - it sounds like she's just laying her cards on the table. :smile:

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

OP

Create

How did your drink with her go? In what context did she mention the guy she had a crush on?

The context was just chatting about feeling slightly down and receiving an email from this guy (who turned out to be gay) saying nothing but how great his boyfriend is, it pissed her off.

The drink went fine, she wasn't in the best of moods (very tired) so I didn't make a move. Probably just me but i felt i ****ed up a few times; i might have gone in too heavy on the 'due to certain circumtances i get much more money than you, so let me buy the drinks and chips' ethos and she did even say something along the lines of 'i always feel awkward when ppl I want to buy drinks say that', plus she told me she was having a few probs settling in and i gave advice when I probably should have given comfort

But, she seemed grateful of the album i copied for her and eager to meet up again... Maybe our next meet I should say something blatently inappropriate in the grounds of a normal friendship so she knows??

Sorry, you've probably heard this before

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