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Did he not like me in person? watch

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    Hi there,

    I've been friends with a guy who is nearly twice my age (he's 40, and I'm 24) and to me age isn't an issue. I met this guy on a social networking site at least 3 years ago, only ever as friends because we have a lot in common and we get on great. So months (maybe even a year passed) and we were both going to the same festival, so we said we would meet each other and have a drink etc. Anyway, we did, we saw each other and had a good time. After that occasion, we carried on talking for the best part of a year. Our conversations have quite often been sexually charged, in the sense that I don't mean we would have phone sex, but I mean we both have a dirty sense of humour and we both feed on that. Anyways, we always discussed about meeting as friends, something similar to a FWB but not a constant thing as we don't live terribly far but I've gone from my undergrad to my postgrad and I've moved even further.

    Anyway, I came home for the Christmas break and we arranged for me to go and stay the night at his as it was on my travels up north. So, bearing in mind that he has seen me before, I wasn't so nervous. I have been on blind dates in the past and it may very well have been my shyness misconstrued as a lack of interest, but apart from 2 guys off the top of my head, other guys I dated just didn't show any interest in me (in so far that we would stop texting eventually.) I last dated about 2 years ago, and it was a negative part of my life, I was oblivious to being overweight and I had little confidence. Since then, I have lost weight and I'm more comfortable in my own body, although I haven't reached my goal yet. As you can see, I most likely attributed my weight to guys not liking me. But, this never plagued me meeting this guy in question because a) he has seen me in person before and carried on texting and b) I know he's a genuinely nice guy and we are great friends.

    Anyway, I stayed over at his, we had a laugh and it never felt awkward conversation-wise, but I'm just slightly confused about what to do now. As I said previously, our conversations were sexually charged, and we both made it explicit that we were happy to have sex (in text before meeting) because it's been a while for us both and we get on great. Anyway, like I said, the night was fine, but none of the sex happened...

    I mean we shared a bed and we were mildly intimate (e.g. spooning and touching) but it never progressed. He knows I'm shy, and I know he is shy, but it just never happened. Because of this, I'm now paranoid because we were happily talking about doing things in text, however in reality it never happened. I don't know if I can put it down to our shyness or the fact that he didn't want to or he didn't like me in person. I mean, when he drove me to get my train he hugged me and gave me a kiss, saying he enjoyed spending time with me, but that may have been out of courtesy (although he didn't have to kiss). This is the thing, I'm not expecting more (as in a relationship). It's also kinda awkward now because I don't know whether to text him and I don't know what to say, and maybe he is thinking the exact same thing as me. I really value his friendship, I mean he even brought me a birthday present which was very thoughtful, but I don't know where to go from here.

    Any ideas? From either a males perspective or females?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there,

    I've been friends with a guy who is nearly twice my age (he's 40, and I'm 24) and to me age isn't an issue. I met this guy on a social networking site at least 3 years ago, only ever as friends because we have a lot in common and we get on great. So months (maybe even a year passed) and we were both going to the same festival, so we said we would meet each other and have a drink etc. Anyway, we did, we saw each other and had a good time. After that occasion, we carried on talking for the best part of a year. Our conversations have quite often been sexually charged, in the sense that I don't mean we would have phone sex, but I mean we both have a dirty sense of humour and we both feed on that. Anyways, we always discussed about meeting as friends, something similar to a FWB but not a constant thing as we don't live terribly far but I've gone from my undergrad to my postgrad and I've moved even further.

    Anyway, I came home for the Christmas break and we arranged for me to go and stay the night at his as it was on my travels up north. So, bearing in mind that he has seen me before, I wasn't so nervous. I have been on blind dates in the past and it may very well have been my shyness misconstrued as a lack of interest, but apart from 2 guys off the top of my head, other guys I dated just didn't show any interest in me (in so far that we would stop texting eventually.) I last dated about 2 years ago, and it was a negative part of my life, I was oblivious to being overweight and I had little confidence. Since then, I have lost weight and I'm more comfortable in my own body, although I haven't reached my goal yet. As you can see, I most likely attributed my weight to guys not liking me. But, this never plagued me meeting this guy in question because a) he has seen me in person before and carried on texting and b) I know he's a genuinely nice guy and we are great friends.

    Anyway, I stayed over at his, we had a laugh and it never felt awkward conversation-wise, but I'm just slightly confused about what to do now. As I said previously, our conversations were sexually charged, and we both made it explicit that we were happy to have sex (in text before meeting) because it's been a while for us both and we get on great. Anyway, like I said, the night was fine, but none of the sex happened...

    I mean we shared a bed and we were mildly intimate (e.g. spooning and touching) but it never progressed. He knows I'm shy, and I know he is shy, but it just never happened. Because of this, I'm now paranoid because we were happily talking about doing things in text, however in reality it never happened. I don't know if I can put it down to our shyness or the fact that he didn't want to or he didn't like me in person. I mean, when he drove me to get my train he hugged me and gave me a kiss, saying he enjoyed spending time with me, but that may have been out of courtesy (although he didn't have to kiss). This is the thing, I'm not expecting more (as in a relationship). It's also kinda awkward now because I don't know whether to text him and I don't know what to say, and maybe he is thinking the exact same thing as me. I really value his friendship, I mean he even brought me a birthday present which was very thoughtful, but I don't know where to go from here.

    Any ideas? From either a males perspective or females?
    Ask him about it?

    I'm assuming he's just shy. It's easy to be confident in text; it's not necessarily the same in person. It'd definitely be best to just talk about this directly with him if you want straight answers.
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    Tl;dr


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    Butt things didn't happen. OP is sad.
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    From what you've said, I'd assume it's one of two things... either:

    A) He was too shy to do anything

    or

    B) He thought you were too shy/that you didn't want to, and was being respectful - especially as you're younger than him

    I was once in a similar situation, I thought more physical stuff was gonna happen and when it didn't, I worried it was because of him not liking me. It turned out that he had thought I came across as shy/unsure so he didn't wanna pressure me. If in doubt, OP, talk to him and ask!
 
 
 
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