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Moving away to be with your boy/girlfriend watch

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    I have recently got with my boyfriend, who's my best friend of many years, so it's pretty serious pretty quickly.
    Problem is, he's doing his PhD in a city 100 miles away from our home town. He's only been away a couple of days after Christmas break and I am already really struggling with being without him.
    I know it's too soon to bring up moving to be with him (which I would in a heartbeat if he asked!) but I'm just preparing for the day when it will come up, he's there for four years.
    Has anyone ever moved to a city to be with anyone? I'm thinking about not knowing people, the city, what if I hate it, etc. Any advice or similar experiences?
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    I moved in with my partner to the toen he lived when i finished my uni course. I found it a little lonely, truth be told. His friends and family were uncredibly lovely to me...but at the end of the day they were his friends and family. We knew we werent going to be there long term, so I didnt make an effort to join groups or find a job etc which probably would have helped. Also for most if it I was writing my dissertation (masters) so I was locked up in the house!

    After he finished his training course we moved to an entirely new city together for his work. That I enjoyed much more because it was new for both of us and I fpund a job so have people I know here. Weve got to know our neighbours really well (we bought a house) and though id say were still isolated, i really love it here.

    Id say go for it. Dont ever be scared of going somewhere new! You might not make friends straight away, but you will in time and getting to know a new place is the best thing! Trying out new cafes ans pubs, new museums and walks. If it didnt cost so much and wasnt such an upheaval Id move every 2 years or so.



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    I haven't yet; my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years and will be moving in together this summer once I graduate (yay!) so whilst I've not yet done it, I have thought about it a lot!

    Personally, I'm less worried about moving to a new part of the country; after all, when I went to university, it was in a city I'd only visited a couple of times, in a county far from home, where I didn't know anybody at all. At least when I move in with my boyfriend, there will be one person there who I already know!

    For me, the exciting, unknown, unsure part will be seeing what it's like living with him all the time. We've lived together on holidays for a couple of weeks at a time, but it will be totally different when we're sharing our living space on a day to day basis. I don't know if we'll argue about who does the cooking or the washing up or if we'll keep treading on each other's toes or if one of us will turn out to be much messier than the other - who knows?!

    As for the long distance aspect, believe me, I know all about it! My boyfriend and I have been long distance since we met and the distance has grown since I went to university even further away, so it feels like I spend half my life on trains between where I live and where he lives. It's difficult, it's lonely, it's sometimes really painful, but you do get through it.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that you manage to find a way for it to work between you
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    (Original post by fredscarecrow)
    I moved in with my partner to the toen he lived when i finished my uni course. I found it a little lonely, truth be told. His friends and family were uncredibly lovely to me...but at the end of the day they were his friends and family. We knew we werent going to be there long term, so I didnt make an effort to join groups or find a job etc which probably would have helped. Also for most if it I was writing my dissertation (masters) so I was locked up in the house!

    After he finished his training course we moved to an entirely new city together for his work. That I enjoyed much more because it was new for both of us and I fpund a job so have people I know here. Weve got to know our neighbours really well (we bought a house) and though id say were still isolated, i really love it here.

    Id say go for it. Dont ever be scared of going somewhere new! You might not make friends straight away, but you will in time and getting to know a new place is the best thing! Trying out new cafes ans pubs, new museums and walks. If it didnt cost so much and wasnt such an upheaval Id move every 2 years or so.



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    Thanks for your reply, that's really good to know. If I were to move, it'd be more like your second move, as he hasnt been there long either and doesn't have any family there. Also I would have a job, so glad to know that scenario worked out for you did you tend to do most things together or have a fair bit of time doing separate things? This is another thing that worries me, as I've never lived with a partner before so don't know how I'd cope spending most of my time with him, which I would to a greater extent I'd imagine than if I knew more people.
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    (Original post by Plumstone)
    I haven't yet; my boyfriend and I have been together for nearly four years and will be moving in together this summer once I graduate (yay!) so whilst I've not yet done it, I have thought about it a lot!

    Personally, I'm less worried about moving to a new part of the country; after all, when I went to university, it was in a city I'd only visited a couple of times, in a county far from home, where I didn't know anybody at all. At least when I move in with my boyfriend, there will be one person there who I already know!

    For me, the exciting, unknown, unsure part will be seeing what it's like living with him all the time. We've lived together on holidays for a couple of weeks at a time, but it will be totally different when we're sharing our living space on a day to day basis. I don't know if we'll argue about who does the cooking or the washing up or if we'll keep treading on each other's toes or if one of us will turn out to be much messier than the other - who knows?!

    As for the long distance aspect, believe me, I know all about it! My boyfriend and I have been long distance since we met and the distance has grown since I went to university even further away, so it feels like I spend half my life on trains between where I live and where he lives. It's difficult, it's lonely, it's sometimes really painful, but you do get through it.

    I wish you the best of luck and hope that you manage to find a way for it to work between you
    Thank you for your reply, and best of luck to you too!! Congrats for getting through four years, that's pretty impressive.
    Yeah the living together thing scares me a bit too, I think we'll have to get a couple of holidays in before we properly consider it to see how we cope with each other long term.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Thank you for your reply, and best of luck to you too!! Congrats for getting through four years, that's pretty impressive.
    Yeah the living together thing scares me a bit too, I think we'll have to get a couple of holidays in before we properly consider it to see how we cope with each other long term.
    Thanks although four years is only the very beginning of how long I intend to be with him :love:

    I wouldn't worry about it too much; just take it slowly and enjoy each stage of your relationship as it comes Hopefully the fact that you have been friends for a while means that you'll both know some of each other's annoying habits already!
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    Thought I'd chip in too!

    Me and my fiancé (then boyfriend) met online, we became friends before becoming a couple after meeting over several months. Initially we were both unsure about a lot of things because we lived 75 or so miles apart. The train lines also don't match up, so the journey by train takes up to 3 hours sometimes.
    I felt the same way you do! Eventually it just took it's toll on me - emotionally and financially and after about 9 months I brought up the topic of living together with him myself. At the time neither of us had jobs so it wasn't as if there were separate commitments to consider, but as he has health issues it wasn't an easy choice.

    If you are seriously considering this then my advice would be to bring up the idea of living together in a general sense, subtle comments and little discussions about each other's future goals in life etc. - since you said it was quite serious then perhaps it won't feel daunting just simply chatting about it (with no expectations)?
    There's always a lot to consider when moving out and it can be a stressful time whether a decision is made or not. All I can say is it's best to have patience.

    Personally I don't really regret my decision, and I managed to live there for three years or so. But...I remember a lot of the time feeling just...isolated.
    I was familiar with his home, town and family after visiting so often - but living there was completely different. Meeting my own friends and family became a struggle and I began losing contact with a few people.
    Me and my partner mostly looked out for each other, learnt about each other's living habits and what chores we each do best etc, and there were some fun times. We didn't do everything together. Despite practically living in the same room we would divide off into our own little...sections I guess? XD We both learnt how much of our own time and space we needed.
    After a while the novelty of living together wears off and you just go back to doing your own things.
    I managed to get a job there. But since a full-time job takes up the majority of the week, I'd go home feeling exhausted and had even less time trying to maintain contact with people. In fact I felt even more isolated even though I was busier!

    When my contract ended I decided to move out. For many reasons. Although generally I'm a quiet person, I struggled with then missing not just one important person, but a whole bunch of different people. I'm emotionally-driven and a little sensitive so it really bothered me, amongst other issues I had overtime with living in the area. I also found that although there was a lot going for the place, there were less opportunities relevant to me there. But lots more going on back at my parents house. After being together for years and coping with both living apart and living together, we both felt it best to try living apart again.

    Skip ahead a year and I'm now studying a subject I'm really into at Uni, have time for friends and family, all whilst still being as close as ever to him!
    We got engaged a few months ago and the both of us have agreed to encourage each other to work and study hard so that eventually we can have our own place - just us two, with adjustments for his disabilities and needs. It'll probably be 4 years before I can picture us affording to do that. So we both know it'll take a long time and we have realistic expectations. Since we have this joint-goal of living together just before/after getting married, both of us also look ahead which means less time feeling like we miss each other.

    Phew. I try not to rant I really do x.x;;

    BUT here's my advice to you:
    - The feelings of missing someone DO subside. I miss him now we're apart again, but it's not nearly so bad.
    - Consider how your relationship works. In general there's some expectation for couples to live together simply because it's the normal thing to progress to. But this doesn't work for everyone - there are actually a number of committed couples out there, many married/in long-term relationships, who live separately due to work commitments, family arrangements, different lifestyles etc. It takes a lot of love and trust, but sometimes that's just what feels best for some people. You should try and gauge how each other feels and thinks about living apart and together and try to find a balance/compromise if you can.
    - But whether you move eventually or not, the city he's moving to will be a new place you may visit a lot more so consider looking into local attractions and things to do there. Finding new places to go out always keeps things interesting and fun, and will hopefully take away any nerves you have about being somewhere unfamiliar.
    - At the end of the day, if it's something you really want to do - don't just sit around and wait for him to bring the topic up for years! Talk to him every few months or so to see how he feels about living arrangements.
    - If he needs time then let him have that time. Moving away is a big deal, there's a chance you moving with him might make it all the more stressful for you both. Perhaps consider easing into it if you can? I know 100 miles is a long way, but if you have chances to visit and become familiar with it before you bring up the discussion then you might have a better overall feeling about whether you want to genuinely live in that place or not for yourself - not just because he lives there. Over time living together becomes routine and I feel like having your own reasons for wanting to live there, not just to be together, but perhaps for your career or interests or perhaps you just get a nice gut feeling about the home/city? Treat your time apart not as a negative thing but a positive thing - lots of long city breaks away will not only make things feel familiar but also keeps things exciting!

    I think I've typed enough lol I've been through both living together and apart so it's something I'm continually learning bout and have strong feelings for. ^^;
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    Well, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2,5 years and all of this time we've been separated by distance and only got to see each other once in 3-4 months. He was in England and I was in Estonia, pretty tough isn't it? so recently I've finally finished all the stuff that had to be done at home, he bought me a ticket and I moved to London to be with him, we now live together and I am absolutely happy and regret nothing. The only problem is that I don't have any friends to hang out with yet but I think it's a matter of time. I am not even planning on coming back home any time soon
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    Moved away with my ex after 6 years together, but due to circumstances out of our control we had to move back home after 6 months. Not to mention it being a new build we had a fair share of teething problems with the property. It was a unique experience having our own space and place to call ours of sorts even though we were renting and couldn't decorate to our tastes. I believe it showed us each others true colours and how we really look after a house without parental observation or care to help out clearing up or how to use the different flat's contents like washing machine and such. But after a while we got the hang of it
 
 
 
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