Torn between my girlfriend, family, and sexuality
Hey TSR. It's been a long time since I last logged on, so forgive me if this is posted in the wrong section of the forum.
I won't hide my identity, since I don't find the point when the issue is pretty common. However, I will note that any feedback or suggestion will be greatly appreciated, no matter how small your contribution may be.
So to begin, I've recently came out to my godmother to being a lesbian. At first I thought she would have looked down on me - considering how tight and traditional our asian family is - but her positive reaction surprised me even more. I have also started a long distance relationship with a girl in Germany so things are going well for now.
But not all things come to a good ending, right? I still haven't told my biological parents. I don't know how to come out to them. My father is a laid-back Anglican while my mother is a Catholic Chinese devout to religion and tradition. She wants me to see and start dating men - even planning out and paying for the days I hang out with my male friends. It's embarrassing, but I always cover it up by saying I don't know what to do with my money.
My parents have no say on homosexuality, by the way. Which makes it even more intimidating.
I have no New Years resolution, but I do want to come out of the closet (this year) for my own relief and to communicate with my parents; showing them how I see myself. My girlfriend is also supporting me with this internal conflict of mine, saying that I should be honest to them as soon as I can muster up the courage. She has even offered to accompany me by talking with them about it - but I don't want her getting into a fight with them (if the worst comes to worst).
Am I being too hasty with deciding for myself? Does anyone have experience in this area? If so, I would appreciate any reply, whether it be on this thread or in my inbox.
Thank you for reading and/or replying to this. Cheers!
I won't hide my identity, since I don't find the point when the issue is pretty common. However, I will note that any feedback or suggestion will be greatly appreciated, no matter how small your contribution may be.
So to begin, I've recently came out to my godmother to being a lesbian. At first I thought she would have looked down on me - considering how tight and traditional our asian family is - but her positive reaction surprised me even more. I have also started a long distance relationship with a girl in Germany so things are going well for now.
But not all things come to a good ending, right? I still haven't told my biological parents. I don't know how to come out to them. My father is a laid-back Anglican while my mother is a Catholic Chinese devout to religion and tradition. She wants me to see and start dating men - even planning out and paying for the days I hang out with my male friends. It's embarrassing, but I always cover it up by saying I don't know what to do with my money.
My parents have no say on homosexuality, by the way. Which makes it even more intimidating.
I have no New Years resolution, but I do want to come out of the closet (this year) for my own relief and to communicate with my parents; showing them how I see myself. My girlfriend is also supporting me with this internal conflict of mine, saying that I should be honest to them as soon as I can muster up the courage. She has even offered to accompany me by talking with them about it - but I don't want her getting into a fight with them (if the worst comes to worst).
Am I being too hasty with deciding for myself? Does anyone have experience in this area? If so, I would appreciate any reply, whether it be on this thread or in my inbox.
Thank you for reading and/or replying to this. Cheers!
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by ashleighgiles
Hey TSR. It's been a long time since I last logged on, so forgive me if this is posted in the wrong section of the forum.
I won't hide my identity, since I don't find the point when the issue is pretty common. However, I will note that any feedback or suggestion will be greatly appreciated, no matter how small your contribution may be.
So to begin, I've recently came out to my godmother to being a lesbian. At first I thought she would have looked down on me - considering how tight and traditional our asian family is - but her positive reaction surprised me even more. I have also started a long distance relationship with a girl in Germany so things are going well for now.
But not all things come to a good ending, right? I still haven't told my biological parents. I don't know how to come out to them. My father is a laid-back Anglican while my mother is a Catholic Chinese devout to religion and tradition. She wants me to see and start dating men - even planning out and paying for the days I hang out with my male friends. It's embarrassing, but I always cover it up by saying I don't know what to do with my money.
My parents have no say on homosexuality, by the way. Which makes it even more intimidating.
I have no New Years resolution, but I do want to come out of the closet (this year) for my own relief and to communicate with my parents; showing them how I see myself. My girlfriend is also supporting me with this internal conflict of mine, saying that I should be honest to them as soon as I can muster up the courage. She has even offered to accompany me by talking with them about it - but I don't want her getting into a fight with them (if the worst comes to worst).
Am I being too hasty with deciding for myself? Does anyone have experience in this area? If so, I would appreciate any reply, whether it be on this thread or in my inbox.
Thank you for reading and/or replying to this. Cheers!
I won't hide my identity, since I don't find the point when the issue is pretty common. However, I will note that any feedback or suggestion will be greatly appreciated, no matter how small your contribution may be.
So to begin, I've recently came out to my godmother to being a lesbian. At first I thought she would have looked down on me - considering how tight and traditional our asian family is - but her positive reaction surprised me even more. I have also started a long distance relationship with a girl in Germany so things are going well for now.
But not all things come to a good ending, right? I still haven't told my biological parents. I don't know how to come out to them. My father is a laid-back Anglican while my mother is a Catholic Chinese devout to religion and tradition. She wants me to see and start dating men - even planning out and paying for the days I hang out with my male friends. It's embarrassing, but I always cover it up by saying I don't know what to do with my money.
My parents have no say on homosexuality, by the way. Which makes it even more intimidating.
I have no New Years resolution, but I do want to come out of the closet (this year) for my own relief and to communicate with my parents; showing them how I see myself. My girlfriend is also supporting me with this internal conflict of mine, saying that I should be honest to them as soon as I can muster up the courage. She has even offered to accompany me by talking with them about it - but I don't want her getting into a fight with them (if the worst comes to worst).
Am I being too hasty with deciding for myself? Does anyone have experience in this area? If so, I would appreciate any reply, whether it be on this thread or in my inbox.
Thank you for reading and/or replying to this. Cheers!
Ok even though im against homosexuality im going to be straight with you, dont hide what you are just tell your parents how you feel.
Original post by ashleighgiles
She has even offered to accompany me by talking with them about it
Don't do that. Don't overflood them with such harsh information at one time. 'I'm a lesbian and here is my girlfriend' might not have a positive effect on religious parents.
I have no idea what it must feel like nor have I seen people do it and mastered my own logical way to proceed. But my mum is a very religious person who often talks about no homosexuality just in case either or my siblings 'has any ideas' so here's what I would do:
I would sit her down and just tell her 'mum, I have something important to tell you... I'm a lesbian. I want you to understand that I'm not doing it on purpose, so I'm not going through a phase of trying things out or trying to defy you. It took a long time but I realised that I am attracted to women and not men. I know you might not be pleased to hear that but going out with a girl is what would make me happy and I have to stay true to myself. I hope you can understand it'.
Then see how she would react.
My father passed away when I was young so I have no idea how I would do with him but probably talk to them separately? I don't know, I'll let you work out that part lol.
Good luck!
My mother's a Sunday School teacher and they (both Chinese) know that I'm gay. She's a massive embarrassment all around. Not only did she flatout proclaim that she's never read The Bible just so she didn't need to get into a losing theological argument with me, she'd also just randomly come to me and say things like 'why do gay people need to destroy my marriage, marriage has always been between a man and a woman' (irrelevant and not true in Chinese culture - her own father had two wives himself), 'you'd never find a job anywhere if you tell anyone you're gay' (gosh I go to Oxford, I told everyone I'm gay, and I earned more doing part-time than she did towards the end of her 'career' before I'd even graduated from my bachelor's degree), or 'you hate god therefore god must exist' (which is both irrelevant and wrong).
I don't know if your mother is as thick and self-centred as mine is, but I'll just say I pretend she doesn't really exist and am working hard to never need to be with them in the same room ever again.
I don't know if your mother is as thick and self-centred as mine is, but I'll just say I pretend she doesn't really exist and am working hard to never need to be with them in the same room ever again.
It sounds like your Dad might be more accepting than your Mum? If so, I would approach him first - either sit him down and tell him (as Catsis suggests) or perhaps just casually mention it somehow? Then, depending on how he reacts, tell your Mum?
Definitely tell them at some point - it they find out about your relationship first they might feel very upset and it would probably end up worse. That being said, don't rush into it if you don't feel ready to or are concerned they may kick you out (particularly if you are financially dependent on them) or react really badly.
Definitely tell them at some point - it they find out about your relationship first they might feel very upset and it would probably end up worse. That being said, don't rush into it if you don't feel ready to or are concerned they may kick you out (particularly if you are financially dependent on them) or react really badly.
Original post by Adanan786
Ok even though im against homosexuality im going to be straight with you, dont hide what you are just tell your parents how you feel.
How can you be 'against' homosexuality? That's like being against air or water.... its a part of life??
Its your life and that's what you need to remember. If you go through life trying to make others happy at your own expense then you yourself will never be happy.
Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of or have to hide. Any religion which preaches love should welcome and love everyone for who they are, and that includes you. Your mother is not in charge of your life-you are, so stop messing around by letting her 'plan' your relationships and just tell her the truth. Any negative reaction is HER problem, not yours.
Trust me, I spent three long years hiding my partner from my parents because they didn't like him. I was so depressed. I told them it was my life and he made me happy etc... I've never been happier living true to myself now.
Your sexuality is nothing to be ashamed of or have to hide. Any religion which preaches love should welcome and love everyone for who they are, and that includes you. Your mother is not in charge of your life-you are, so stop messing around by letting her 'plan' your relationships and just tell her the truth. Any negative reaction is HER problem, not yours.
Trust me, I spent three long years hiding my partner from my parents because they didn't like him. I was so depressed. I told them it was my life and he made me happy etc... I've never been happier living true to myself now.
Hi!
I am a girl too, in a relationship with another girl already 3 years, living in a Catholic country and we've had a lot of issues with our crazy parents (her more crazy than mine).
I don't know how old you are etc. but heed my advice
Come out when you're either 100 % sure your parents will accept you (maybe with some shock period etc) OR, and this is the advice for you as you don't know if they'd accept you:
WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT
You don't want to suddenly be blackmailed by your parents... Like they won't let you go off for uni because they want you under your control etc etc. Tell them when you've gone off to uni or when you're sure that you are capable of financially supporting yourself and living on your own should the things go sour.
I am a girl too, in a relationship with another girl already 3 years, living in a Catholic country and we've had a lot of issues with our crazy parents (her more crazy than mine).
I don't know how old you are etc. but heed my advice
Come out when you're either 100 % sure your parents will accept you (maybe with some shock period etc) OR, and this is the advice for you as you don't know if they'd accept you:
WAIT UNTIL YOU'RE FINANCIALLY INDEPENDENT
You don't want to suddenly be blackmailed by your parents... Like they won't let you go off for uni because they want you under your control etc etc. Tell them when you've gone off to uni or when you're sure that you are capable of financially supporting yourself and living on your own should the things go sour.
Original post by Adanan786
Fam im not on here for an argument but personally i beleive homesexuality is a choice not something your born with.
Yea you're right I also believe you shouldn't choose to have blue eyes, it's disgusting but yeah I manage to tolerate it somehow cause that's what a good person I am
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