Difficult situation with a guy

I liked him for ages, but for a million reasons i assumed he would never feel the same. now it turns out he does, but the problem is he has a girlfriend, it is pretty serious, and i dont know what to do. he is the only person i have ever felt this way about and for years i have never got over him, it feels so good to know he feels the same but i dont know what happens next.

Reply 1

Sazarina88

11

He has a girlfriend = total no-go.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

blackswan

so now that he has a girlfriend he likes you?
Don't interupt their relationship, see if it lasts then see what happens.

Not quite, he liked me before but for the same million reasons as i thought of him he assumed i would not feel the same way.

Reply 3

=Keith=

3

Go with the flow.

Reply 4

username47781

20

Sazarina88

He has a girlfriend = total no-go.

Agreed a guy with a girlfriend is a big no no, anyway if he's saying he likes you, clearly things aren't all well with his girlfriend, i feel sorry for her, imagine you are the girlfriend, how would it feel if it was happening to you?

Reply 5

matt@internet

12

Carl1982

Agreed a guy with a girlfriend is a big no no, anyway if he's saying he likes you, clearly things aren't all well with his girlfriend, i feel sorry for her, imagine you are the girlfriend, how would it feel if it was happening to you?

I've heard people on here saying it's normal and quite alright to like someone who isn't your partner, you just can't do anything about it. Surely that doesn't mean things are going poorly with his g/f.

Reply 6

Wangers

16

he can like you - he just cant do anything about it.

just think of it from his g/fs POV - how would you feel?

Lay off for a bit, if they do break up and he still likes you, and you still like him - then fair play - otherwise hes off linits.

Wangers

Reply 7

Profesh

20

If he hasn't broken it off with her, he doesn't yet "like" you enough.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

I know i know all the gf stuff i feel terrible for being in this situation and putting her in this position that is why i wanted advice it is just crazy stuff. i feel so bad but it is so complicated, we have so much history and i know them both so i will inevitably see them together at times i dont know how to act.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Sorry to resurrect a thread after a few days but i just wanted to ask one more thing and thought it better than starting a new one, if he wants to cheat on her with me, clearly his relationship sucks, so what do i do? go along with it because they are obviously going to finish anyway, or tell him to go back to her?

Reply 10

username47781

20

NO you do not go along with it, you tell him if he wants you he must finish her, otherwise refuse his advances.

Reply 11

That artistic one

1

Carl1982

NO you do not go along with it, you tell him if he wants you he must finish her, otherwise refuse his advances.

agreed!

Reply 12

rosetinted

2

Do not get involved with someone in a relationship. Tell him if he wants you he can have only you...not you and her at the same time.

If you sleep with him then he's going to have a girlfriend and a bit on the side & let's be honest I hardly think he'll be quick to get out of that situation. Then you'll obsess over 'why hasn't he split up with her?' and him stringing you along going...'oh I'll split up with her soon, I don't want to break her heart.".

If he ends it with her, then he gets you.

Reply 13

Chumbaniya

17

Sazarina88

He has a girlfriend = total no-go.

Seems to me pretty insensible that the fact he currently has a girlfriend should make any kind of action in the situation wrong. I would have thought the sensible thing to do would be to talk to the guy about what he wants, and as Carl said, get him to make some kind of decision. There's no sense not acting and leaving an awkward situation just because it might hurt someone's feelings - ignoring the issue won't make it go away.

Reply 14

LadyEnglish

2

Anonymous

I liked him for ages, but for a million reasons i assumed he would never feel the same. now it turns out he does, but the problem is he has a girlfriend, it is pretty serious, and i dont know what to do. he is the only person i have ever felt this way about and for years i have never got over him, it feels so good to know he feels the same but i dont know what happens next.

suggest but don't encourage him to leave his gf if he's in a one sided relationship. It's not fair on her and it's not fair on you and him if you want to be together x

Reply 15

Sazarina88

11

Chumbaniya

Seems to me pretty insensible that the fact he currently has a girlfriend should make any kind of action in the situation wrong. I would have thought the sensible thing to do would be to talk to the guy about what he wants, and as Carl said, get him to make some kind of decision. There's no sense not acting and leaving an awkward situation just because it might hurt someone's feelings - ignoring the issue won't make it go away.

Fair enough but if I liked a guy with a girlfriend, I'd leave well alone and wait for him to come to me if that's what he wanted. That's just what *I* would do and you're perfectly entitled to think something different.

Reply 16

Wangers

16

if You cheated with him - and broke them up. you may then have some sort of relationship - tats true, then again chances are he will also cheat on you. Full circle. How would you feel then?

Wangers

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

OP

Wangers

if You cheated with him - and broke them up. you may then have some sort of relationship - tats true, then again chances are he will also cheat on you. Full circle. How would you feel then?

Wangers

No i disagree, every situation is different, and the peculiarites which have gotten us to this point would not be repeated.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

OP

wesetters

Do what you think will make you happiest. You can't be considerate to everyone all the time. That said, I'm trying to persuade myself to practise what I preach on that count.

Doing what would make me happiest would be just things being good between me and him, I don't care what happens to the gf, if he stays with her or not, I just want him for me.

Reply 19

Louenn

Anonymous

Doing what would make me happiest would be just things being good between me and him, I don't care what happens to the gf, if he stays with her or not, I just want him for me.

You'll be happier if you have him all to yourself, though.

Haven't you seen Moulin Rouge? Christian can't stand it when Satine goes off to sleep with the Duke to save everyone, even though he knows she must.

So just bite your lip, and if he makes advances you must be strong and tell him that you'll only do anything with him when he's free and single, because otherwise you'll be jealous of the time he spends with his girlfriend, and you want him all to yourself.

And if he doesn't do the honourable thing and end it with the girlfriend, then he's not worth it and while it'll be hard, you will be able to move on from the experience.

Difficult situation with a guy

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