Do I need help? or do I need to pull myself together? Watch
I constantly feel like absolute ****- I feel dumb, fat, unbelievably tired. Even brushing my teeth feels like a chore. I have no motivation for anything.
I've been home for the past two weeks for the christmas holidays and my mother's pissed off at me because every time she's asked me to meet her for a coffee in the mornings I've just slept right through it. And that makes me feel even more ****.
I have crazy mood swings as well. About half an hour ago I asked my mum to come out for lunch with me and we had a little argument (nothing too bad, we've had way worse in the past) but for the past hour I've literally been crying on and off. For a fleeting, crazy moment I told myself that I might as well kill myself because nobody would notice or care anyway. It was only for a short moment though. I felt like I was going crazy over something trivial.
This has been going on since around October. It did happen quite badly like this in 2012-2013 when I was doing my A-Levels and I basically failed them all. So I resat the year, but in that year I managed to get super organised and I did well in my A-Levels and got into uni.
But since starting uni... it's happened again. I don't know whether it's because I'm just a lazy **** that needs to get herself organised or whether I actually need help. I haven't told anyone about this. When it happened in 2012-2013 and I failed (which was a massive shock to my family as I'm normally an overachiever), I tried explaining how I felt to my parents and at first neither of them could comprehend it, and then they called me a "liar that was making excuses for her shortcomings". So if I explain to them how I'm feeling now they won't believe me. I have nobody to talk to about this.
I just don't know what to do. I need advice please.