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Ex-gf wants to come visit

Basically i went out with my (now ex) gf up untill we both went off to uni. At this point we both agreed to stay seperate untill the uni holidays when we can be back together again. We arranged to visit eachother and she was due to come visit this weekend.

However, shes told me she has met this guy at uni and very much fancies him and that she thinks they will end up getting together. Obviously i wasnt too impressed but she said she still want to come visit to show 'how much you still mean to me even though im getting with another guy' (exact words). Dosent she realise that it dosent actually help the situation dumping me for someone else but saying how much i still mean to her (even as just a friend).

Soooo, I told her i didnt want her to come visit anymore, i mean, who else would want the person who dumped you a week ago to come stay for a weekend? It would just be so awkward and certainly wouldnt help. I just think im deff not ready to see her again yet.

Did i make the right choice not to see her?

Reply 1

~*Sarah R*~

yeah... shes messing you around and trying to **** with your head.

Reply 2

ciara

13

You said it yourself: you're not ready to see her again. Well done for knowing your own mind and being honest with her about it - that's more than I could have done in the same situation.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Yeah, it did take awhil to actually say to her that i didnt want her to come visit aymore.

I dont think she i trying to screw with my head, we've been friends for years.. i just dont think she realises how hurt i am and that i cant just suddenly go back to being the friendly supportive friend of hers i used to be (before we went out)

Reply 4

ciara

13

Anonymous

Yeah, it did take awhil to actually say to her that i didnt want her to come visit aymore.

I dont think she i trying to screw with my head, we've been friends for years.. i just dont think she realises how hurt i am and that i cant just suddenly go back to being the friendly supportive friend of hers i used to be (before we went out)

Having been (in fact, I sort of still am) in a similar situation to your girlfriend I can see how it might genuinely not be her deliberately messing with your head. She's clearly still attached to you. She probably isn't entirely sure what she wants, but I doubt she wants to lose you as a friend. She probably knows she really fancies this guy, but since they're not that close yet she's not sure if she'd rather still have you. She wants to see you to show she cares and check you still care about her. I'm sure there's the selfish part of her that just misses the affection, sex etc as well. But still, whatever her motives, you've done the right thing. It'll be best for both of you in the long run. There's got to be a cooling off period after all, you can't just be expected to go seamlessly from being boyfriend and girlfriend to being friends.

Reply 5

Irresistable girl

have no strings sex with her ya no friends with benefits

Reply 6

andy_cole2

14

Irresistable girl

have no strings sex with her ya no friends with benefits

and thats why with 18 posts you have 5 warning thingys :p:

funny though lol

Reply 7

Sianey

Seriously, who is this girl?!!?

And on topic, by saying you agreed to stay separate until the holidays do you mean like on a break? Or just not visit one another? Because if you mean like a break you can't really have a go at her. But if you meant just not see one another then she's totally in the wrong. Either way, I agree with the others, you shouldn't see her unless she makes up her mind one way or the other.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

No, deffinatly not a break! We both knew we couldnt see eachother like everyweek, so we pretty much agreed to ee eachother when we could (about once a month) and inbetween to stay single and not go pulling random people etc. If that makes sense

Reply 9

Anarchy Everywhere

2

You could have let her give you a parting gift at least man :NN:

Reply 10

hippieglitter

19

I didn't see my ex until just over a month after we split up and i had to tell him to it straight, that i had someone new and although i still like him and care about him, nothing could happen between us. He was disappointed but he understood and said he would rather have me as just a friend than not have me in his life at all.
I think a week isn't nearly long enough, you have to be apart in order to get over each other and its gonna take longer than week.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

tazmanmaniac

You could have let her give you a parting gift at least man :NN:

Helpful.

Reply 12

Anarchy Everywhere

2

Anonymous

Helpful.

Oh come on, you get enough of the clichéd 'stay positive/forget about her/she's not worth it/ use femdom/ use vaseline' replies. Emotional problems are for the weak.

Reply 13

jazzsaxrock

To be honest, you did do the right thing.

If she did come down for the weekend, she will still have that same feeling that you are there whenever she needs you. By telling her that you prefer that she shouldnt come down will be a shock to her; she will actually realise sooner or later how much you mean to her. Furthermore, your showing her that you dont need her and she will long for the times you spent with her. Memories of good times are so powerful and she will be feeling how your feeling at this present time.

Later on, you can call her, after a time of absence and I guarantee she will be so all over you, mate.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

OP

Everyone gets emotional problems at some point, not just the weak. And if you dont, your kidding yourself.

Reply 15

hippieglitter

19

tazmanmaniac

Oh come on, you get enough of the clichéd 'stay positive/forget about her/she's not worth it/ use femdom/ use vaseline' replies. Emotional problems are for the weak.

I hate it when people say showing emotion is weak. My boyfriend won't even say he loves me over the phone when his dad is in earshot, cos his dad was in the navy and any kind of emotion is a weakness.

Reply 16

Anarchy Everywhere

2

Yeah true, but i just don't see how people can resolve them by replies from people on here, everysingle reply is predictable and was most likely the moral from a disney film.

Reply 17

Anarchy Everywhere

2

hippieglitter

I hate it when people say showing emotion is weak. My boyfriend won't even say he loves me over the phone when his dad is in earshot, cos his dad was in the navy and any kind of emotion is a weakness.

What's the need for it though? I don't really mind it but i just don't see the point in crying your eyes out over something.

Reply 18

Sam Beckett

7

tazmanmaniac

What's the need for it though? I don't really mind it but i just don't see the point in crying your eyes out over something.

Emotions are more than tears you *******. Stop kidding yourself, you're probably the most messed up person in this thread.

Reply 19

Anarchy Everywhere

2

Sam Beckett

Emotions are more than tears you *******. Stop kidding yourself, you're probably the most messed up person in this thread.

Stick a tampon in it mate. I realise it's more than tears but good emotions are enjoyable and therefore i'm fine with them but people who can't control their emotions are weak. Thanks for asking but i'm fine, obviously i have my days but instead of getting the kleenex for men out and having a good weep on someones shoulder i analyse the issue and i resolve it.

Ex-gf wants to come visit

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