Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    My boyfriend has two good friends from uni, who are also a couple. They've all been friends for a few years, and I first met them almost 3 years ago. However, I didn't really see a lot of them at all (about 2 or 3 times a year if that) until we moved closer to them.
    I should mention that I'm the only English one among them, and I now live in their country. They all speak great English, but when we're together we always speak in their language. I am advanced but not fluent in it, but the problem is that I have problems like stuttering and I get nervous speaking the language, and thus I'm not very confident in it, though I try my best.
    The girl was so mean about me (behind my back) when I first met my boyfriend, but then I spent an evening with them and they seemed friendly enough. However, until we moved here, she had ignored me on facebook twice, and we never went out as a foursome, even though we didn't even live far before. I always proposed stuff like that to my boyfriend, but it just never happens.
    Anyway, now we live so close, I've got to know them a little more, and they've been friendly enough to my face. However, I feel like they're just being like that because I am dating their friend and because we're living here now.
    I don't feel like I'm a part of their group. Especially since it's harder for me in the language, and I don't have the ability to make the same jokes etc. as I would in English, but I'm trying.
    Those 3 always text each other to hang out and the girl texts my boyfriend but never me. When we had a bank holiday, I made the effort to text her, and I even offered to help her with English generally, and I mean she invited me, but I think it was only because I texted her and she felt bad.
    They say behind my back that I'm shy too, which really gets on my nerves. Sometimes they just all make random jokes together and don't have much to say to me. I just sit there like a nodding dog.
    I just feel like an outsider, but I am trying. Does anyone have any advice about this? What should I do? Thanks
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I feel like they are all good friends with each other but I'll never be because of the language barrier.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    bump
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    Two options:
    1. Cut them adrift (you probably don't want to)
    2. Be more fluent in their language. One way to do that is to visit the country/ies that they come from
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    Two options:
    1. Cut them adrift (you probably don't want to)
    2. Be more fluent in their language. One way to do that is to visit the country/ies that they come from
    Sorry I perhaps didn't make it clear in my post, but I do live in their country they're from, I moved here nearly 2 years ago. So I do have opportunities to practice in the language, and I have a good level, but I am not at the level of a perfectly fluent speaker. I have studied this language for about 12 years, and I am getting there, but still need more time. I do feel I've made progress though since I first arrived.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    They just seem to act like they're older than me (even though they aren't, the girl is actually younger) and like they're better than me, and I just can't take it anymore. But my boyfriend thinks they're awesome and I will always be civil with them for his sake.
    Online

    21
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They just seem to act like they're older than me (even though they aren't, the girl is actually younger) and like they're better than me, and I just can't take it anymore. But my boyfriend thinks they're awesome and I will always be civil with them for his sake.
    Their arrogance is their problem, unfortunately.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    To be honest I think you should be communicating with your partner about this. You probably tried before and it was brushed over but maybe it's time to have a real chat. The key to solve any social problem is effective communication. Tell him effort and respect works both ways and you've done your bit at trying. Tell him not to be upset in the future if you don't act in such a polite way. Obviously you don't want it to get to this point but you need to warn him there is only so much you can do and a little help from him might no go a miss.
    Ideally if he was a good understanding partner he'd talk to them but bring it up in a way where he feels it's his concern (basically saying that he has an issue with how they're treating you and doesn't say you brought it up giving them more reason to **** you off).
    If you find your partner to be difficult and unsupportive about this then maybe it will be time you reflected on your relationship too. A good partner will stand by his woman and make sure she's happy.

    Good luck
    Offline

    2
    ReputationRep:
    That's what happens when you go for someone of a different race/culture/language.. you hit roadblocks, then your head against a wall..
    Offline

    11
    ReputationRep:
    Just don't hang out with them anymore. Find your own group of friends. Problem solved.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I guess it would look strange if it was always them 3 and my boyfriend and I always had a reason not to be there... and it's less time i'm spending with my boyfriend too. Thankfully we don't see them as much as we did. I think i'll just stop talking about them and focus on other stuff
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: January 8, 2015
Poll
Do you agree with the PM's proposal to cut tuition fees for some courses?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.