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My mate commited suicide

I received a txt from my mate today I found it very worrying :frown:

I kept calling and txting and no reply. Then i got the orst txt anyone cold receive. His sister told me that she had just found him and that he was being taken to hospital that he was in the ambulance but it wasn't looking good, He was resuscitated once in the ambulance but later died at hospital :frown:

He was only twenty one I don't know how I'm goibng to cope with this because he was a very good mate. In his message he said he would forever watch over me when his passing comes and hope to be together when my life ends. I feel guilty for it andlike I am to blame for his death. i always thought he was a figter because he was in the army. Even though he recently dropped out.
I just feel lost now. :frown:

Reply 1

KellsEnder

7

Whoa, sorry to hear about your loss. :frown:

But why do you feel responsible?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

sorry for the spelling mixtures I'm still a bit shaky.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Because itsmy fault he would still be alive if i said yes to going out with him, but i already had someone, But because i said no he found someone else who lied to him cheated on him and was absolutely disgusting in the way she treated him and it caused him to do it. So therefore my fault

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

A friend from my first year halls killed himself last year. It was really difficult to handle. The way that he did it was very traumatic as well--threw himself in front of a train. I felt guilty for not being there for him more, then I felt angry that he had been so selfish. He had so much potential and he was so loved, it was hard to understand what made him feel so low. It will be tough but you will get through this.

Reply 5

natsing

2

Oh poor you, my condolences on your loss. A friend of mine committed suicide in my first year of uni. I spoke to him a few days before he died, and looking back it felt like a goodbye, and I knew he was depressed. For a while I blamed myself, but you can't allow yourself to feel like this. You didn't know what your friend was going to do, and you cannot feel responsible for what was his choice. Grieve for the loss of a close friend, but in the end it was his decsion to end his life, and you really couldn't have changed his mind.
I hope you can come through this, and let go of your guilt, it was not your fault
Hugs
Nat
x

Reply 6

username72629

Don't feel as if it is your fault. You do not make other people choices for them.

Reply 7

Triplet1

13

Sorry to hear about this. Please dont blame your self it wasnt your fault and i'm sure he wouldnt want you to think its your falut!

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

OP

He was close but the last text was so depressing. it hurts inside because i suffer with depression and i would always tell him my troubles I drove him to do it :frown:

Reply 9

mypaperheart

16

This must be devastating for you - but you can't go on thinking that it was your fault. You didn't know he'd react in the way he did, and there may well have been, and probably was, an alternative reason for his suicide. You can't live your life thinking that you're to blame - I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted that. You have to try and remember the positive influence that you had on his life, and the close friendship that you had.

Reply 10

natsing

2

Anonymous

He was close but the last text was so depressing. it hurts inside because i suffer with depression and i would always tell him my troubles I drove him to do it :frown:

No honey, you did not drive him to do anything, he was depressed, and when someone becomes suicidal, it is almost impossible to get through to them and trust me, you could not have changed his mind. When something like this happens its quite normal to feel guilt, that maybe you could have persuaded him to live, but I will say it again, you did not push him to kill himself, this is not your fault.
If you need to talk this through with someone not involved feel free to PM me, or if you're at Uni you can talk to Student support lines, they are very good. Good luck
x

Reply 11

Horatio Caine

12

I am sorry to hear this, I can't begin to imagine what it must be like. However, you can't feel responsible and blame yourself as it'll just ruin your life.

Reply 12

hannah_dru

2

Have you spoken to anyone about how you feel?

I am really sorry about your friend. Please don't feel like it was your fault.

Reply 13

kam

10

Don't know what to say.
Very sorry to hear that, I'd be devastated if it was one of my friends.
What happened was not your fault.

Take care.

Reply 14

Anonymous #3

I am very sorry to hear of your loss.

But, please, don't blame yourself. It is not your fault. The problem in these cases is that the person who commits suicide feels there is no other way out of the situation they are in, when actually there are plenty. And only they could find that way.

I think you should phone the SOBS helpline. SOBS (Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide) is a charity/organisation that helps support people who have lsot people close to them, most often family, but often friends as well. They run a helpline (0870 241 3337, 9am-9pm everyday) which is staffed by people who have all lost someone close to them, and so they can empathise with your situation. Until someone actually loses someone close to them through suicide, they cannot understand what it feels like. Everyone feels guilt at first, and maybe anger, but over time this gets better and you will understand that ultimately the decision to end their life was theirs. They also have meetings (if you call the helpline they can give you contact details of the coordinator in your area, the time and location of meetings etc) in which people can talk to others who are in the same situation, it's a bit emotional, but it does help.

I hope what I have said has helped a little bit, but please do contact SOBS (even if it only for a Bereavement pack), and you can phone back as often as you like, especially when you feel down. Take care.

Reply 15

Rouge

Anonymous

He was close but the last text was so depressing. it hurts inside because i suffer with depression and i would always tell him my troubles I drove him to do it :frown:

of course it wasn't your fault, you sound like a good friend he could confide in.
Do you have any idea why he commited suicide, did he mention it in the txt?

Reply 16

puppy

Anonymous

A friend from my first year halls killed himself last year. It was really difficult to handle. The way that he did it was very traumatic as well--threw himself in front of a train. I felt guilty for not being there for him more, then I felt angry that he had been so selfish. He had so much potential and he was so loved, it was hard to understand what made him feel so low. It will be tough but you will get through this.

WHAT?! Well so long as people continue to live in misery so that you don't get upset I guess that's all ok. Have some ****ing compassion.

Reply 17

~NC~

11

Im very sorry to hear about this :hugs:

I understand you are going to be going through a tough time right now, something i hope i never have to feel. That is not a nice thing for anyone to have to experience but there are people out here who can help you.
There are people you can phone, helpines, i don't know any in particular however if you speak to your doctor they will be able to provide you with any help you may need.
Although it may feel like it you dont have to deal with it alone, and it is not your fault. You cannot be responsible for other peopls actions, please don't blame yourself :hugs:

I can understand why your feeling lost, remember talking is often a great help. Try and find someone you trust and talk to them, maybe a close friend, family member? As i said get in touch with your doctor.
Once again i really am sorry :hugs:

Reply 18

MissHero

1

puppy

WHAT?! Well so long as people continue to live in misery so that you don't get upset I guess that's all ok. Have some ****ing compassion.

No, it's not selfish at all to traumatise the people who love you by taking your own life. I can sympathise with "anonymous's" point of view. This isn't the place for this debate though.

Reply 19

alio~

9

puppy

WHAT?! Well so long as people continue to live in misery so that you don't get upset I guess that's all ok. Have some ****ing compassion.

It is normal to go through anger and blame the person who killed themselves! When a person kills themself it can have such a huge impact on others for the rest of there life!

As for the op's situation, I can't imagine what they are going through if his/her mate killed themself because of something that he/she wouldn't do, don't you think it was selfish? Making someone feel responsible for the rest of there life? The OP in no way is responsible but they are going to feel it.

My mate commited suicide

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