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My mate commited suicide

Reply 20

Q.E.D

12

Hey babe,
I know what I say can't really change the way you feel, but at the end of the day your friend made their own choice, and hard as it may be to accept, it may have been the best choice for him. The fact he chose to send you that text shows that he cared about you and your friendship and that he valued the support you gave him. It wasn't your fault- when someone reaches that state, just friends can't bring them back- the levels of depression are too great for that.
Just do what he would have wanted and live your life to the best you can although it seems really hard to do. Distance yourself, and forgive yourself for something that wasn't/ isn't your fault.
My thoughts and prayers are with you
Hugs
Shivani

Reply 21

supernova2

11

Its not your fault, now try to cope with the loss of a good friend and remember him forever but dont let it get in the way of happiness during the rest of your life.

Reply 22

puppy

MissHero

No, it's not selfish at all to traumatise the people who love you by taking your own life. I can sympathise with "anonymous's" point of view. This isn't the place for this debate though.

If someone's life is that bad that they can't even bear to live another day then I'm afraid my sympathy is with them. Sorry if that seems selfish to some people. This is the reason people put animals down, because it's cruel for people to have to live just to please others.

OP, obviously it hurts, but if your friend wanted to end their life then you have to try and understand why they did it and accept that. Not everyone can cope with life and there's no sense in them suffering if they feel that way. I'm not saying everyone who's having a bad day should go top themselves but it's not the kind of decision you take likely so as much as it hurts you just have to accept that.

Reply 23

MissHero

1

puppy

If someone's life is that bad that they can't even bear to live another day then I'm afraid my sympathy is with them. Sorry if that seems selfish to some people. This is the reason people put animals down, because it's cruel for people to have to live just to please others.

OP, obviously it hurts, but if your friend wanted to end their life then you have to try and understand why they did it and accept that. Not everyone can cope with life and there's no sense in them suffering if they feel that way. I'm not saying everyone who's having a bad day should go top themselves but it's not the kind of decision you take likely so as much as it hurts you just have to accept that.

If you want to have this debate, can you please start another thread where we can discuss things a bit more objectively? It's not very nice for the OP to have to read this...

Reply 24

sparkly_tiara

2

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Suicide of someone close to you is the worst pain imagineable, i remember the hours and days after my mum committed suicide and it was awful. I remember feeling so numb, so scared, so on edge and mainly in shock. It was the worst thing to ever have to deal with. That was 6 months ago now... and i am pleased to say i have made such improvement. I still have bad days, days when i feel so angry and upset or confused and let down and quite often different and isolated from the rest of the world. However the bad days do pass and then come the good, where i can appreciate everything in my life and smile and really mean it. I don't really know why i posted that bit but i just want you to know it does get better. At the moment, please take care of yourself... i know how much of a struggle it is to just function but you don't have to do it alone. See your GP, chat to friends and families, use support groups, consider counselling... anything that might help.

If you ever need a chat, PM me.

Lou
xxx

Reply 25

Anonymous #4

I think it's creepy when he said he'll meet you in your next life.

Reply 26

M j R

10

To the OP, sorry to hear that someone you were so close to has taken their own life. It was not your fault, there was nothing you could of done to change it, it must be hard to come to terms with it, just remember your friends and family are going to be there to support you through this tough time ahead.

Reply 27

puppy

MissHero

If you want to have this debate, can you please start another thread where we can discuss things a bit more objectively? It's not very nice for the OP to have to read this...

no

Most of what I just said was addressed to the OP so get off your high horse and butt out

Reply 28

guitargirl03

13

To the op, I am extremley sorry for your loss *huggles*. Please don't think that your friend's death is your fault, I'm sure your friend wouldn't want you to take the blame for his death.

I would strongly advise you to go and see a doctor, who may be able to refer you to a counsellor.

Of course you are going to question why your friend did what he did, but don't think that it's your fault. If there's someone you can talk to in confidence, i.e a friend or a family member, maybe you could try and vent to them, they may be able to help rationalise your thinking. *huggles*

Reply 29

username47781

20

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friend but it is not your fault.

Reply 30

Anonymous #2

puppy

no

Most of what I just said was addressed to the OP so get off your high horse and butt out

No actually it was me, not the OP who said it. I posted as anon #2 or #3 I think. Please don't take it out on the OP.
I felt angry because everyone loved him, he was brilliant, kind, a talented artist, and was so creative. I'm not the only person who felt that way. It's hard because you know you would have done so much to help your friend but they don't see the love and support that they have around them because they are in such a dark place. I'm not angry anymore but I had waves of emotion, from grief to anger to sadness and everything in between.

Reply 31

Talon

18

Anonymous

Because itsmy fault he would still be alive if i said yes to going out with him, but i already had someone, But because i said no he found someone else who lied to him cheated on him and was absolutely disgusting in the way she treated him and it caused him to do it. So therefore my fault

Firstly, sorry for you loss. Secondly it is natural to blame ourselves when a friend dies like this if we have done something to hurt them. You think "If I had done 'so and so' he/she would still be alive". In the end it is important to remember that ultimately we alone are responsible for the paths we choose. If fault can be attributed to anyone it is the person who cheated on him, not you. You never meant for this to happen nor could you have predicted it. It isnt your fault.

As has been said, a counsellor may well be an idea. Failing that im sure your friends would be happy for you to talk to them about it and there are unbiased 3rd parties on here to chat to as well.

Lastly, *hug* .

Reply 32

Guffy

I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Someone I've been friends with for nearly 20 years killed himself last year (although his reasons were actually legitimate, rather than "my girlfriend cheated on me") and nobody found it easy to deal with.

Reply 33

always + forever

1

I'm sorry for your loss too, but it's really not your fault. One of my best friends died when I was 16, and I realise it's a horrendous thing to go through. However, the decision to attempt to take your life is not generated by the actions of one person alone. it's a huge decision and there are many things involved. You said your friend recently dropped out of the army - do you not thing that this (e.g. the reasons why he dropped out) were more influential in his decision than anything you could have possibly done?

Reply 34

Ink

12

Guffy

Someone I've been friends with for nearly 20 years killed himself last year (although his reasons were actually legitimate, rather than "my girlfriend cheated on me") and nobody found it easy to deal with.

I'm sorry, but that is a completely insensitive thing to say. If someone kills themselves, who are you to judge whether or not their reasons are legitimate? Especially from a brief description someone wrote on an online forum?

Some people just deal with obstacles, life's problems, anxiety, and other not-so-great emotions in better ways than others. It is never good to compare problems. How great or small our problems are is very subjective - What is horrid and terrible to one person may be the norm to another. Instead of condeming one for being silly, it would be far better to provide support and perhaps give them a little bit of perspective in the process.

Further, depression is often described as a *chemical imbalance*. A chemical imbalance doesn't need a reason, but it sure as hell can be painful.

Reply 35

713

2

I am very sorry aswell, but as said before don't feel guilty for it. I assume that your friend did not commit suicide because you didn't go out with him that day, which would be a stupid reason for killing oneself.

Reply 36

Guffy

Ink

I'm sorry, but that is a completely insensitive thing to say. If someone kills themselves, who are you to judge whether or not their reasons are legitimate? Especially from a brief description someone wrote on an online forum?

Who am I? I am Guffy. Killing yourself because your girlfriend dumped you is ridiculous. That's my opinion, which I am entitled to.

Reply 37

crazybored

Guffy

Who am I? I am Guffy. Killing yourself because your girlfriend dumped you is ridiculous. That's my opinion, which I am entitled to.

So much more stuff could have been going on in his life that we don't know about, and even if his suicide was solely the result of being dumped by his girlfriend (which I doubt it was), you have no idea what the circumstances were or what their relationship is like or anything... have some ****ing compassion...

To the OP, I'm so sorry for your loss but, as everyone else has said, you really shouldn't blame yourself

xxx

Reply 38

Anonymous #1

OP

thank you. I just wish I didn't blame myself. I couldn't sleep last night everywhere i looked I could see him :frown:

I erally could see the detail in his face the pain in his eyes the sadness in him, I just wish he wasn't gone.

Reply 39

Profesh

20

Anonymous

Because itsmy fault he would still be alive if i said yes to going out with him, but i already had someone, But because i said no he found someone else who lied to him cheated on him and was absolutely disgusting in the way she treated him and it caused him to do it. So therefore my fault

Then I guess that you had better accustom yourself to saying 'yes', to everyone, indiscriminately.

My mate commited suicide

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