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    • #1
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    So recently things have not been working with me and my SO. Been with him about a year now. Since the start he told.me nearly every day that he would regret it if he lost me. He would say this out of the blue and I never really understood where it came from. He has told.me several times I am too good for him aswell and feels lucky to have me. When we meet up we get on really well but when we are apart we argue quite alot over the pettiest things. He seems to get angry over the slightest things and interrupts everything I say as an argument. Eg. We make plans and then says later 'you don't have to come if you don't want to' me - 'why wouldn't i want to?' Him - 'don't start an argument' me - 'i'm not i just don't understand why you think I don't want to see you' him - 'I knew you would start, don't come your annoying me'

    We broke up before and he hurled nasty insults at me and an hour later calls me and talks calmly about how he felt like i never loved him and how he loves me and really doesn't want to lose me and will do whatever it takes. I don't understand him at all.. how he can be so horrible or cold and then seem so loved up at other times. I feel guilty like I always keep irritating him even though I don't understand how.

    He seems to interpret everything I say as abuse or moodiness and then blames me for ruining his day and says nasty things. Then usually followed by him telling me how much he loves me.

    I really don't know what to do any more. I love him so much and I want to believe things will get better. I am driving my family mad because I get upset with him but I haven't left him. Its only today after researching things I have realised he seems to have all the symptoms of Borderline personality disorder.( I am not diagnosing him by the way). He has never been with anyone longer than a year and has never been not dating anyone.

    Has anyone been in a relationship or is someone that has borderline personality disorder or anyone like the person I have described? Do things get better? If there is a way to help him or things I could try to make things better I want to try them but not at the risk of letting him put me down.

    You can't really change people unfortunately, it is a futile effort.


    I can empathise with you as people with this personality type can be unpredictable, irrational and very difficult indeed. Although what you describe does show your boyfriend to have some typical behaviour of BPD, such as great fears of abandonment, this condition is often very difficult to diagnose/determine whether it is actually present (or whether it should actually be defined as a disorder). This is due to the fact that it is inconsistent, and therefore it's difficult for GPs or clinical psychiatrists to diagnose. I don't know how old he is, but if he is still in his teenage years then it is especially difficult as it could be simply individual personality differences, rather than BPD, caused by adolescent factors.

    In the meantime I would suggest trying to seek help from others, i.e. friends, family members or even a councilor.

    I don't know anyone with BPD but I can completely sympathise with you on this one. His actions are hard to understand and going from one mood to the other in a manner like that is bound to leave you behind in the dust feeling confused and wondering what you did wrong and honestly, you sound like you've tried to be an understanding girlfriend. And I think it's because you love him that you need to seek help from professionals - whether it be the GP, his parents, friends and family, or other doctors - do it. He might get angry, he might say horrible things and he might even break up with you, but at the end of the day, you don't deserve to be treated the way you are and you want the best for him. If that means putting your relationship on the line to ultimately make it better, go for it. Hope this helps!
    • #2

    The best thing to do in this situation is to read up as much as you can on it (If you want to continue the relationship) and look for ways to soothe them and make a working relationship. People with BPD deserve a happy relationship like everyone else, but it can just be difficult due to them, essentially, being emotionally raw. Researching coping methods can help with this a lot. However, just the same as they deserve happiness, you don't deserve unhappiness, so don't feel bad if you can't cope in this kind of relationship (I couldnt). In terms of it getting better, no one can generalise, but personally it didn't. In fact, it got a lot worse. But this may not be the case in your situation, and you could well work it out. But it is very emotionally intense as an experience.
    Hope everything works out x
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