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He used me...

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, put all my affections and love to him, I was always there for him and buying him little things. We were always together and know each others family very well..etc it was a healthy relationship... well I thought it was...

Until yesterday when I was at his house, he broke down and admitted that when he first met me, he was going to use me and that he wasn't really into commitment until he realised what a great person I was plus he cheated on me with several of other girls. He felt guilty and was crying telling me this...as if he didn't deserve me but wants me to stay with him.

I just stood there in shock and I couldn't say anything... I felt so broken inside so I walked out in tears.

I'm getting sick of relationships, in the past; I've been used and cheated on loads... I feel so ****e today and I'm ignoring his calls and texts at the moment. Is sex what lads only want?! Also I'm getting confused with why we even have relationships?! :frown:

Sorry about this post not making sense, wanted to blurt my feelings out.

Reply 1

Dragon24

17

I am sorry to hear what he did. The guy realised after his sickening thoughts about using you that he really liked you and wanted you but shouldn't have cheated on you if he did care. Guess now you are wondering did he really care and why did he cheat.

At least he was honest, some people never find out these things. Its up to you, if you take him back he may do it again. But he may also have changed and realised his behaviour at the beginning was not what he wanted. Maybe he was a commitment phobe. Talk to him, you deserve answers.

Reply 2

username47781

20

No just some lads are like that not all, some guys though only find out the hard way when they do things like that, but i would not go back to him though.

Reply 3

JustJam2006

9

Physiogal

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, put all my affections and love to him, I was always there for him and buying him little things. We were always together and know each others family very well..etc it was a healthy relationship... well I thought it was...

Until yesterday when I was at his house, he broke down and admitted that when he first met me, he was going to use me and that he wasn't really into commitment until he realised what a great person I was plus he cheated on me with several of other girls. He felt guilty and was crying telling me this...as if he didn't deserve me but wants me to stay with him.

I just stood there in shock and I couldn't say anything... I felt so broken inside so I walked out in tears.

I'm getting sick of relationships, in the past; I've been used and cheated on loads... I feel so ****e today and I'm ignoring his calls and texts at the moment. Is sex what lads only want?! Also I'm getting confused with why we even have relationships?! :frown:

Sorry about this post not making sense, wanted to blurt my feelings out.

That's terrible and i'm so sorry to hear that. At least he had the decency to be honest with you...Are you going to stay with him? Because I think you're probably better off without him. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't toy with your emotions the way this guy seems to have done.

However, I am aware that it is easier said than done since there are feelings still involved :frown:

Good luck *hugs*

I just thought I'd add that you two should talk about what happens next after things have settled a bit since things are still a bit raw
x

Reply 4

sdawood

You will always find men (and women) who are liars, cheaters, and overall bad people. People use deception to get what they want. Others want the same thing, but aren't selfish about it.

In other words, you just found a ****ty guy. I find it difficult to believe myself, but some men, believe it or not, actually have souls!

Reply 5

TrentEnd

2

He sounds genuinely sorry - he may have been a bit of a bastard at the start, but he obviously cares about you enough to tell you the truth, so you should respect him for that if nothing else

Reply 6

Dragon24

17

sdawood

some men, believe it or not, actually have souls!

People seem to forget this, perhaps its this 'perception' that all men at uni are players. Dunno how these 'perceptions' start in the first place.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

Physiogal

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, put all my affections and love to him, I was always there for him and buying him little things. We were always together and know each others family very well..etc it was a healthy relationship... well I thought it was...

Until yesterday when I was at his house, he broke down and admitted that when he first met me, he was going to use me and that he wasn't really into commitment until he realised what a great person I was plus he cheated on me with several of other girls. He felt guilty and was crying telling me this...as if he didn't deserve me but wants me to stay with him.

I just stood there in shock and I couldn't say anything... I felt so broken inside so I walked out in tears.

I'm getting sick of relationships, in the past; I've been used and cheated on loads... I feel so ****e today and I'm ignoring his calls and texts at the moment. Is sex what lads only want?! Also I'm getting confused with why we even have relationships?! :frown:

Sorry about this post not making sense, wanted to blurt my feelings out.

And yet the blokes who wouldn't do this are the ones who are still single cause they are not good enough. Pft, to think that blokes get called shallow???

Reply 8

Tyler Durden

17

Physiogal

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months, put all my affections and love to him, I was always there for him and buying him little things. We were always together and know each others family very well..etc it was a healthy relationship... well I thought it was...

Until yesterday when I was at his house, he broke down and admitted that when he first met me, he was going to use me and that he wasn't really into commitment until he realised what a great person I was plus he cheated on me with several of other girls. He felt guilty and was crying telling me this...as if he didn't deserve me but wants me to stay with him.

I just stood there in shock and I couldn't say anything... I felt so broken inside so I walked out in tears.

I'm getting sick of relationships, in the past; I've been used and cheated on loads... I feel so ****e today and I'm ignoring his calls and texts at the moment. Is sex what lads only want?! Also I'm getting confused with why we even have relationships?! :frown:

Sorry about this post not making sense, wanted to blurt my feelings out.

It's not great on his part, but his honesty should count for something. Imagine how much it's killing him that he's worried about having messed up your relationship. If you can bring yourself to forgive him, I think you should (depending slightly on how long he cheated on you for and the extent etc). He obviously loves you a lot now and people change the whole time; I expect you felt more for him after 7 months than you did a week into the relationship. If you can, try to accept him for who he is now. If not... well it's pretty clear what to do!

Reply 9

JustJam2006

9

Angel83

People seem to forget this, perhaps its this 'perception' that all men at uni are players. Dunno how these 'perceptions' start in the first place.

I do wonder actually

Reply 10

~*Sunlight_ Beaming*~

OP

Thanks for the replies, well at the mo I'm really stuck on whether to get back with him or not; it's been a long time we've been together and he told me that he cheated on me at the very start of the relationship when he was going to 'use me' like the other girls. I did notice in what I thought was a 'healthy relationship' that I was paying all the attention on him and showing him lots of affections... maybe that grown on him.

I really don't know what to do, I feel so devastated and lost in my feelings. :frown:

Reply 11

Dragon24

17

Physiogal

Thanks for the replies, well at the mo I'm really stuck on whether to get back with him or not; it's been a long time we've been together and he told me that he cheated on me at the very start of the relationship when he was going to 'use me' like the other girls. I did notice in what I thought was a 'healthy relationship' that I was paying all the attention on him and showing him lots of affections... maybe that grown on him.

I really don't know what to do, I feel so devastated and lost in my feelings. :frown:

Talk to him, it was bad of him to do that but at least he didn't continue with that behaviour.

Reply 12

Claire_Elizabeth

1

Thats so horrible and im so sorry to hear what he has done to you. However he has told the truth to, but it took him this long to tell you. What you have to decide is whether you want to be in thie relationship knowing what he has done to you in the first place!
However you NEED to find out when he last cheated on you, if it was recently then you need to get rid because there is the saying once a cheat always a cheat!
The ball is in your court now and you have control of the situation, if he really wants to be with you then he needs to prove that he really is sorry and proves that he "loves you". He will keep texting and ringing you because he will want to get back with you! Once you find somone you really like you dont want to let them go!
What you have to realise is that its not just men who cheat, girls can be as much to blame, however that does not dimiss the fact that he did cheat.
The fact is that some people have no regard for how peoples' feelings or who they may hurt in the process!
Like i said, the ball is in your court and only you can decide what to do about the situation! However, if you do decide to get rid of him, remember that there will be somebody better out there, there always is!
Chin up chick x

Reply 13

~*Sunlight_ Beaming*~

OP

Update:

He's been texting and ringing every minute...

I've answered his call and he said he wants come round and talk more about our relationship... I'm a nervous wreck at the mo...

Reply 14

Claire_Elizabeth

1

Physiogal

Update:

He's been texting and ringing every minute...

I've answered his call and he said he wants come round and talk more about our relationship... I'm a nervous wreck at the mo...

You need to take time to gather what YOU want, dont let him come round and try and persuade you to sort something out if you are a nervous wreck. When you are upset you could make the wrong decision or say something you dont want to say!
Take a couple of days to relax and just think about you! It must be an awful feeling so I dont blame you for how you're feeling, but firstly gather yourself and figure out what you want or want him to do to show he is sorry!

Reply 15

Dragon24

17

Physiogal

Update:

He's been texting and ringing every minute...

I've answered his call and he said he wants come round and talk more about our relationship... I'm a nervous wreck at the mo...

The decision is yours to make, but if you get answers you will know then without going on your life with if's and wonders and why's - nothing worse than things on your mind.

Reply 16

JustJam2006

9

Physiogal

Thanks for the replies, well at the mo I'm really stuck on whether to get back with him or not; it's been a long time we've been together and he told me that he cheated on me at the very start of the relationship when he was going to 'use me' like the other girls. I did notice in what I thought was a 'healthy relationship' that I was paying all the attention on him and showing him lots of affections... maybe that grown on him.

I really don't know what to do, I feel so devastated and lost in my feelings. :frown:

Take some time out to think about it Physiogal. Maybe you need to think about whether you really can forgive him or is what he has done always going to be on the back of your mind....Can you bring yourself to trust him?

The one redeeming thing he has done is to be honest with you and as other posters have said, that shows that at least he has a conscience.

Take some time OP....your thoughts will be clearer and you will be thinking with your head more than your heart...hard as that will be...