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keep me faithful :(
I'm in a long term long distance relationship, and I'm finding it *hard*. We see each other twice a term, and then are together for uni holidays. During the holidays, everything's generally great, fine and dandy etc, but during term time I forget how good we are together, and feel distant and misunderstood by him however much we speak on the phone.
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
Reply 1
Well if your going to go off with this crush least dump your boyfriend first but i don't think that's the right option. I would suggest having a good long talk with your boyfriend and sort out whats going wrong and how you can put the spark back into it, he may have alot on his mind and has lots of work to do which will make him stressed out or withdrawn. If thats the case then try and be there and please do not put him under pressure to perform in bed because that will make things worse.
Reply 2
I have a friend who was in a similar situation, and I think she handled it in the best way she could have done - complete honesty with both the guys involved. Tell your boyfriend you're feeling distant from him, tell him you need him to restore your confidence in the relationship, tell him you're feeling tempted by someone else and think it might have something to do with how things are between the two of you, and ask him what he thinks. Have an honest conversation where you try and work out how to deal with things together. And if you can't, or if he isn't interested in helping you, then give a little bit of time, and if he stays like that, then start exploring your opportunities with this new guy. Don't just jump into bed with him - he has the advantages over your current b/f by being new, exciting, and actually present, but it's never a good idea to throw away an existing long-term relationship for something you're not completely sure about. Time, and lots of thinking, will bring the answers.
Reply 3
2
Hel
I have a friend who was in a similar situation, and I think she handled it in the best way she could have done - complete honesty with both the guys involved. Tell your boyfriend you're feeling distant from him, tell him you need him to restore your confidence in the relationship, tell him you're feeling tempted by someone else and think it might have something to do with how things are between the two of you, and ask him what he thinks. Have an honest conversation where you try and work out how to deal with things together. And if you can't, or if he isn't interested in helping you, then give a little bit of time, and if he stays like that, then start exploring your opportunities with this new guy. Don't just jump into bed with him - he has the advantages over your current b/f by being new, exciting, and actually present, but it's never a good idea to throw away an existing long-term relationship for something you're not completely sure about. Time, and lots of thinking, will bring the answers.
I agree 100%, honesty all the way, but dont be playing both sides, break up with him before you fool around in my opinion.... Cheating hurts.....
Reply 4
dump him. long distance relationships hardly ever work, especially at our age
Reply 5
tomHHHH
dump him. long distance relationships hardly ever work, especially at our age
Disagree, i have been going out with my girlfriend for almost two years and alot of that has been long distance and we never even came close to breaking up, so they do work if you put the effort into it, she is going two hours away again to do her Masters next year but we are not going to break up.
To the OP: i would not listen to Tom's advice.
Reply 6
10
OP, you've written about almost exactly the same situation I've been in over the past month or so. Though I'd imagine it's quite a common problem among people with boyfriends/girlfriends at different unis. My boyfriend has gone to a much smaller uni., so he han't been meeting as many people as me or had as many distractions to take his mind off me, so I think he's been thinking about me more than I have about him. He came up at the weekend and we had something similar to what you describe; him being uncommunicative, until the last day, when he seemed to settle. He says it was because being here made him feel like "dead weight" to me; we both felt much better after talking about it. I know it's a hard thing to bring up on the phone, but it might be clearer if you try and do that with him.
Remember that the holidays are about as long as the uni. terms and that you'll be able to see your boyfriend during them as much as you like, until you get sick of each other! The guy who's at your uni. may well live hundreds of miles away so you could have the reverse situation during the holidays.
I asked about this on another messageboard and the people there seemed to be saying in general that I should do the inevitable and split up with my boyfriend because it's such a common situation. It might just be the fun and newness that's tempting...well, both of us. How long have you been going out with your boyfriend for? I don't really have any great advice for you, I just thought I'd post to let you know that I have been in a similar situation and to reiterate what everyone else has said - talk to your boyfriend.
I decided to stay with my boyfriend and see how it goes, but it is really hard to just speak on the phone and write letters. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Remember that the holidays are about as long as the uni. terms and that you'll be able to see your boyfriend during them as much as you like, until you get sick of each other! The guy who's at your uni. may well live hundreds of miles away so you could have the reverse situation during the holidays.
I asked about this on another messageboard and the people there seemed to be saying in general that I should do the inevitable and split up with my boyfriend because it's such a common situation. It might just be the fun and newness that's tempting...well, both of us. How long have you been going out with your boyfriend for? I don't really have any great advice for you, I just thought I'd post to let you know that I have been in a similar situation and to reiterate what everyone else has said - talk to your boyfriend.
I decided to stay with my boyfriend and see how it goes, but it is really hard to just speak on the phone and write letters. Good luck, let us know how it goes.
Reply 7
DaintyDuck!
That's the biggest load of rubbish I've ever heard in my life. Firstly, you have generalised the whole student population, by saying, ''especially at our age''. Some people are dedicated, committed and passionate to make their relationships work. There are ups and downs, but if you are in love with somebody or you really like the person you are involved with, no amount of distance should separate you. Pragmatically, it can be difficult, nobody disputes that.
What the OP desired was some TLC and romancing after all, she and her bf are segregated. TBH, playing Xbox games was an easy way out. I would not like that really. Fair enough, the man should not always plan the day out or whatever, but really, if you see each other twice a term, do something nice and special, don't play Xbox games. So with this, you need to talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. Tell him you want this to work, but you want to know he is putting in the effort, and sometimes, girls do like to be treated as princesses, it's just how we are. He should be able to do that at least twice a term, surely. If not, big big talks needed. It's not like you are asking for material things, just time, and something nice to do together.
Whatever you do, don't start pouring all of your energy into your new project pal. You can salavage the relationship, it's just a minor glitch. All you need to know is whether your bf was off that day or whether he really is being lazy because he cannot be bothered with it all anymore.
But LDR's can work out. Faith my TSR'ers. Faith.
What the OP desired was some TLC and romancing after all, she and her bf are segregated. TBH, playing Xbox games was an easy way out. I would not like that really. Fair enough, the man should not always plan the day out or whatever, but really, if you see each other twice a term, do something nice and special, don't play Xbox games. So with this, you need to talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. Tell him you want this to work, but you want to know he is putting in the effort, and sometimes, girls do like to be treated as princesses, it's just how we are. He should be able to do that at least twice a term, surely. If not, big big talks needed. It's not like you are asking for material things, just time, and something nice to do together.
Whatever you do, don't start pouring all of your energy into your new project pal. You can salavage the relationship, it's just a minor glitch. All you need to know is whether your bf was off that day or whether he really is being lazy because he cannot be bothered with it all anymore.
But LDR's can work out. Faith my TSR'ers. Faith.
Rep for that, well said, really hate it when people here start saying oh your going to uni just break up, that is simply not the answer all the time.
Reply 8
I had the exact same problem when I was in a long distance relationship. I can only talk from my experience, tell you what I did but in the long run it's not fair on your boyfriend. I was in a long distance relationship, didn't have a lot of contact with him, felt the exact same way you did, met a new guy and left my boyfriend for him. I decided that my heart wasn't in it anymore, I decided against a long distance relationship and me and my current boyfriend couldn't be happier. It was the best decision for me.
What you need to do is think about is, do you love your boyfriend? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Do you want a long distance relationship or someone closer to home? You need to think about all these things, decide whether you want to keep your current relationship going or move on to another one. You should talk to your boyfriend about the way that you are feeling, the key to any relationship is communication and it's best if you get your feelings out in the open that way he knows exactly where he stands. Long distance relationships are difficult but are worth it if you are willing to put in the work. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and I wouldn't worry about it but you have a lot of thinking to do.
What you need to do is think about is, do you love your boyfriend? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Do you want a long distance relationship or someone closer to home? You need to think about all these things, decide whether you want to keep your current relationship going or move on to another one. You should talk to your boyfriend about the way that you are feeling, the key to any relationship is communication and it's best if you get your feelings out in the open that way he knows exactly where he stands. Long distance relationships are difficult but are worth it if you are willing to put in the work. What you are feeling is perfectly normal and I wouldn't worry about it but you have a lot of thinking to do.
Reply 9
dusk
I'm in a long term long distance relationship, and I'm finding it *hard*. We see each other twice a term, and then are together for uni holidays. During the holidays, everything's generally great, fine and dandy etc, but during term time I forget how good we are together, and feel distant and misunderstood by him however much we speak on the phone.
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
I personally think you should have a chat with your boyfriend and sort things out if it shows that things aren't working between you both it's not fair on either of you. But for this crush I think you are just setting your attention to someone else other than your boyfriend - have you thought that maybe your boyfriend could be stressed etc? Really, I think you both need to talk as soon as you both can.
Reply 10
dusk
I'm in a long term long distance relationship, and I'm finding it *hard*. We see each other twice a term, and then are together for uni holidays. During the holidays, everything's generally great, fine and dandy etc, but during term time I forget how good we are together, and feel distant and misunderstood by him however much we speak on the phone.
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
When I went to see him last weekend I hoped that it would give me back my faith in the relationship, but tbh it was just weird. He didn't speak to me enough to make me feel close to him again - I was initating most of the conversation, and he didn't have much to say. He hadn't planned anything for us to do, so persuaded me to play xbox games with him and housemates, and sexually... he always came too soon, didn't try half as hard as I did, and just didn't fuss over me enough!
And on top of that, I've got a newly developed crush on a friend at uni. We've been spending a lot of time together cos we're working on a project together, and recently it feel like the dynamics are changing...
Please, tell me what to do... I *must* behave, but I'm upset about the relationship and charged with teen hormones for the other
hmm.
obv you're not happy with your current relationship, if its not going to work out it may be best for you both to end it, coz you never knew, he may feel the same but is too shy/scared to say anything?
Reply 11
dusk
OP
hey,
thanks guys, you are awesome, and just getting a response makes me feel a little better... there shall be words I think, see what happens. There's 2 ways to go about it - I've been crazy about him for 3 years (we were on then off then on), so uni could either be the time when I finally move on, or where I decide to really commit. I've cheated before (to be with him), something I always thought I was above, *not again*, so will stay carefully in control... Something lasting that long shouldn't be cut at the drop of a hat...
dusk*x
thanks guys, you are awesome, and just getting a response makes me feel a little better... there shall be words I think, see what happens. There's 2 ways to go about it - I've been crazy about him for 3 years (we were on then off then on), so uni could either be the time when I finally move on, or where I decide to really commit. I've cheated before (to be with him), something I always thought I was above, *not again*, so will stay carefully in control... Something lasting that long shouldn't be cut at the drop of a hat...
dusk*x
Reply 12
Good on you, dusk. 
Good luck and let us know how things go!
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