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Need advice – girlfriend has too untoned body... Watch

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    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    What can I do for it?
    What can you do - Ask if she wants to be more toned and help her if she does

    What can't you do - Anything else
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    (Original post by Reue)
    What can you do - Ask if she wants to be more toned and help her if she does
    Yes, but HOW to ask this?
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?
    Obviously if you've took to talking about her on here instead of speaking to her properly she obviously deserves someone better than you. If she ever wants to tone up, she should do it for herself not for you.
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    I think you should break up with her - for her sake.
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?
    Go to the gym, ask if she wants to go and hope she enjoys it. Otherwise dont say anything, you're playing with fire.
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    She's not the one then
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    You clearly need to grow up and realise your expectation is immature and rude. She can clearly do better than you as it is quite apparent that you do not deserve someone like her. Shaming her body is cruel. Please do her a favour and leave her because its obvious she would be better without you.
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?

    You have no right judging her like this. I hope she dumps you - I know I would if my bf were on here making decisions on how I look. If she wants to lose weight, that's up to her, NOT YOU. If she is happy with the way she looks, she should NOT be judged like this, especially if she trusted you with her body.
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    What can I do for it?
    Swiftly come to terms with the fact that real life isn't like porn and that real women aren't going to be like the ones you've seen in porn.

    The problem is you, not her.
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    I have bran new girlfriend. She has great personality, priceless sense of humor and everything else like that I can dream of. I love to be with her and do things together. Her face is to die for and she seems to have good body also when she is dressed. But yesterday we were first time together in bed. I was disappointed how untoned her body is. I knew that she is not a fitness queen and wasn’t expecting for six-pack. But I didn’t expect that complete softness on her belly and everywhere else on her body and these dimples on her thighs also. She literally don’t have any tone anywhere on her body! Her body is like skinny-fat with same extra 15 pounds of softness. It’s kinda turn-off for me. I want to feel and see at least same definition on girl. This girl is wonderful in every else meaning. So I don’t want to break up with her for this one reason only. But I want her to have more toned body. What can I do for it? What is the best way how to goad her to tone up at least a bit?
    Try referring to her as fatty, porky or jelly belly rather than by her name. Everytime you have a meal together, enquire whether she needs to eat so much. She will soon get the message, start exercising and will be grateful to you...NOT!

    As has already been said above the issue may be with you.
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    Welcome Squad
    I think you're too critical of her and therefore she's better off without you.
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    wow okay. So I'm gonna disregard the negative concept of this question and continue to the advice part of my answer; suggest working out together? That way you don't have to lower her self esteem by telling her directly how untoned she is, it will be fun and you get to tone up too (in case she secretly is thinking the exact same thing about you) - best constructive answer I can think of..
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    (Original post by Klix88)
    Swiftly come to terms with the fact that real life isn't like porn and that real women arent going to be like the ones you've seen in porn.

    The problem is you, not her.
    Why are you suggesting its only women in porn who take care of themselves ?

    OP as people in this thread have explained, your a guy and therefore if you even dare have standards your an insensitive jerk.
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    I'm a girl and think the people criticising OP for this post are the unrealistic ones. He isn't criticising her for something out of her control like boob size, lack of good looks or thunder thighs.

    People often want to look after their body more in a relationship so if you're lucky this may happen. Otherwise, talk to her about the exercise you're doing yourself often and hope she likes the idea and wants to get involved.


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    I really dont like the instant reaction these threads get of 'she should leave him, he is not worth it.. etc..'

    1,
    It is perfectly ok to have things about your partner that you are not to fond of...
    if your in a serrious relationship, or looking to get into one, then its highly highly unlikely that you will find a person who is 100% perfect in your eyes.

    Chances are you will find someone who you love, who meets all of your serrious requirements, and is compatable with you.. but.. also has traits, habbits, even physical things which are not prefect.

    Over time you may come to love these imperfections, which is ofcourse, ideal, but also may want to...

    2, - Change.

    It is OK to seek to change your partner for the better. Infact put it this way:

    - It is very good to seek improvement for both yourself and your partners lives.

    There is absolutly nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself, or wanting your partner to improve as well - infact I would go as far as saying it is the loving thing to do, to want your partner to be the best they can be.

    This may be that you want to encorage them to quit smoking, or to go further in education, or to solve a health-related problem they have been facing.. etc.

    All of these things, are absolutly fine. as long as....

    1, they agree, and want to change as well.
    2, you are not forcing the change upon them.

    ---

    So lets get to the OP.

    Currently all he has expressed is his opinion that his parterner is wonderful in allmost everyway, but there is one aspect that would make her even more perfect.

    In this case its exercise/becoming more toned.. soemthing which is healthy, positive, and benifical to mots people..

    At this stage, I fail to see what the OP has done wrong? Is he wrong for having an opinion on his partners looks? because, well, that is perfectly normal...

    (The only thing that he has done which is rather bad is posting it online...)

    ---

    The time when OP strays into 'douchebag' territory, depends on what happens now..

    If he does any of the following, then yes, she should leave him, and he will deserve it:

    - Abuse the part of her he does not like
    - Ridicule her
    - Force change on her
    - Blackmail her by threatening to leave her
    etc. etc.


    But if he talks to her, does it in a sesntive manner, aproaches it as a mutual thing that they will do together.. does not make her feel bad for it, etc. etc. Then in no way does the OP deserve the hate he is getting on here.
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    (Original post by Apolllo)
    Yes, but HOW to ask this?
    '[Name of your girlfriend], I really like you, but I must say your body is quite wobbly and I find this unattractive. If you share this feeling, would you mind toning it a little?'
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    bran new girlfriend? are you cereal?
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    God this is a bit of an issue.

    You should always want someone to change for their own happiness, not for yours. If you do that you really should not be with them.

    Also there's really no way of suggesting a girl tone up.... whatever you do your risking it backfire.... like massively.
 
 
 
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