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I want to come out of the closet... watch

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    It’s getting to the stage now where I’m ready to come out to my friends and family but I’m still really hesitant about doing so. I’m 20 and I’ve known I was gay from the age of 15, but I’ve never had the confidence to admit it because for years I've always wanted to tell myself that it's just a phase and I’ll grow out of it one day. Well here I am now, second year at university and I see all of my friends from back home and course mates forming relationships and having fun... It gets me down that I can’t do the same because I’m keeping this secret.

    I contemplated on telling my close friends and family a few weeks back but then I heard negative remarks from them both about homosexuals. My family were discussing two men who are in a gay relationship and my mum admitted it was awkward for her to see them kiss. Although she would be accepting if any of us were gay (I don’t know if she already has an incline that I am?), it brought on the sudden realisation that I’d be a huge disappointment to my family and an embarrassment to my friends. I need help I can’t keep pretending to be interested in girls when I feel nothing romantically towards them, but then it looks like I will never truly be able who I really am either.

    What should I do?
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    Just come out and then you'll feel better - at least you'll know if your friends are real or not because they'd support you no matter what if they were :wink2:
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    You should never be embarrassed and neither will you be a disappointment to your family, maybe talking to any gay friends you have (male or female) might help as they'll have been through all of this, you're not alone and I just wish you all the best. I'm a straight male myself but have a few gay and bisexual friends and have the upmost admiration for when they 'came out', its incredibly brave to do, I think you should tell your family as long as you feel comfortable enough, hope everything goes well
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    I bet you have fabulous fashion sense with all that time in the closet?
    Excuse the bad joke. Go do it. Right now. They don't like it, tough. They don't accept it, tough. Stop pretending to be something you're not, you're worth more than that. Good luck.
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    Trust me, you'll feel so much better when you do...when I told my daddy that I thought I was bisexual, I thought he would be negative about it, but he was so damn brilliant about it.
    Yeah, there's always those negative a-holes around, but they're not people you want to know if they're not accepting of it.
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    (Original post by Chucklevisionary)
    You should never be embarrassed and neither will you be a disappointment to your family, maybe talking to any gay friends you have (male or female) might help as they'll have been through all of this, you're not alone and I just wish you all the best. I'm a straight male myself but have a few gay and bisexual friends and have the upmost admiration for when they 'came out', its incredibly brave to do, I think you should tell your family as long as you feel comfortable enough, hope everything goes well
    Thanks a lot for your really nice post That's the thing, I don't have any friends who are gay or even bisexual, for that matter. So I've never been able to discuss with somebody how they went about explaining to their friends and families. I don't even feel like I should need to 'come out', I don't like the idea of having to explain who I really am for anything to change - but if I don't, they'll always assume I'll have a girlfriend I guess.

    Your friends are lucky to have you as their friend, thank you :yy:
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    (Original post by Dani California)
    I bet you have fabulous fashion sense with all that time in the closet?
    Excuse the bad joke. Go do it. Right now. They don't like it, tough. They don't accept it, tough. Stop pretending to be something you're not, you're worth more than that. Good luck.
    Haha, it made me laugh I wish I had the courage to do exactly what you've said, as it probably is the best way to go around it. I may explain to them when I next go home.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It’s getting to the stage now where I’m ready to come out to my friends and family but I’m still really hesitant about doing so. I’m 20 and I’ve known I was gay from the age of 15, but I’ve never had the confidence to admit it because for years I've always wanted to tell myself that it's just a phase and I’ll grow out of it one day. Well here I am now, second year at university and I see all of my friends from back home and course mates forming relationships and having fun... It gets me down that I can’t do the same because I’m keeping this secret.

    I contemplated on telling my close friends and family a few weeks back but then I heard negative remarks from them both about homosexuals. My family were discussing two men who are in a gay relationship and my mum admitted it was awkward for her to see them kiss. Although she would be accepting if any of us were gay (I don’t know if she already has an incline that I am?), it brought on the sudden realisation that I’d be a huge disappointment to my family and an embarrassment to my friends. I need help I can’t keep pretending to be interested in girls when I feel nothing romantically towards them, but then it looks like I will never truly be able who I really am either.

    What should I do?
    As many people have pointed out in this thread, you just have to take that chance, if they are real friends, they will accept you for who you are. Your family, well, at the end of the day, they are your family, and when all is said and done, they will accept you for who you are. How you do it would be completely up to you. Please don't consider yourself a disappointment, or an embarrassment, you were just born this way. It sounds like you have come to terms with who you are, which is the biggest step. Now other people can come to terms with the person you are. Is there a best friend that you can trust, just so it isn't the burden of keeping a secret? That might help you gain more confidence before 'coming out' to your family? You might want to just, 'come out' to your parents. I guess that there's no real way, but what you are doing is the right decision. Being gay, is part of who you are...and well...your friends like you for who you are, and if they are good friends, they will be accepting. I could imagine family being harder, but again...time heals all wounds...and said wounds may not be that deep or open for long.

    Good luck. If at first, there's some negative reaction, then, well...maybe it's just shock. But friends and family will come to terms with it.
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    I myself have recently turned 17 and am gay and have known for around the same period of time that you have known (5 years) - and have recently come out the closet myself. My dad has the same view as your mum, he has nothing against homosexuals, but he finds it awkward seeing 2 men kiss. Afew of my close friends are anti-gay due to religion, but true friends such as them don't bring this up to me as they respect my view that I cant do anything about it. It is daunting and I felt sick when I came out to my parents, but was happy after I did it.
    My advice would be come out to your parents first, as this will give you the confidence to come out completely.
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    Never ever pretend to be somebody you're not. If your friends really are true friends then they will support and love you whatever sexuality you are- it shouldn't matter to them. As for your family, they will come round! They love you and only want you to be happy, they would feel awful if they knew you were scared of telling them, so go and tell them, be yourself and never be afraid to be anyone else. You have people around you who accept you for who you truly are, and this includes your friends and family! Hope this helped and just PM me if you ever want to talk! Good luck
    xxx
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    Now you need to sum a few things up before you make your decision...

    Being gay is fine and I'm sorry that you have felt the need to be in the closet and hide that part of you. Being gay is legal and accepted in modern society in many places and is a natural phenomenon just as some people have brown or blonde or red hair or even black (I have black hair). Unfortunately, as we all know some people have problems with homosexuality and find it difficult to accept and can be very Nasty towards gay people.

    Now the only reason I am asking you to sum a few things up is that unfortunately, people who are close to us can find it difficult to accept people for who they really are.

    It is very important that you are comfortable with yourself and comfortable in letting this part of yourself be known to your close knit group.

    Friends come and go so they're not really what I'm talking about. I think if they are your true friends they will accept you no matter not and if not you really don't need them and they have no right to judge you for who you are.

    I am rambling now but I just want to move onto family or other people who you hold very dear to you who perhaps you rely on for support not just financially. I'm sure you know your family well and many people can judge what their parents reaction is going to be very well. If they will accept you go on and tell them.

    Unfortunately, there have been cases where gay/lesbian/bisexual (from now on I'll write LGBT) who have been financially or otherwise dependent on people have lost family members or other people were dependent on due to the disclosure of their sexuality.

    I am not saying that you shouldn't come out in fact I rather think it will be good for you to come out and possibly start to explore that side of your being as you are a young person. But if you are dependent (not just financially but possibly emotionally if that's even possible or otherwise dependent) on somebody who perhaps will not accept and you cannot survive without their help, think carefully before you make your next move.

    I wish you the best of luck with it all.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    What should I do?
    :popout:
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    I really appreciate the advice you've all given me. I've been reflecting on my feelings these last couple of days and I've decided that I will tell my parents when I go home at Easter. I know it'll be difficult for my mum to accept at first, but I couldn't see her in a million years telling me to get out of the house or that she doesn't approve. I most likely will not tell my friends for a while, at least until my family are comfortable with it. I might not ever tell them until it becomes obvious, because I'm still entirely against the idea of having to 'explain' who I really am.

    But, I have come to terms with my sexuality and I don't think I would have made this decision if I didn't have the help from everyone on this thread. Thank you so much.
 
 
 
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