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    hi,

    so i have a friend who has recently moved to my area, we don't see each other a lot, in fact hardly at all, but we get in touch now and again and we've known each other since we were little.
    anyway, since we were teenagers she's done so much better than me. My mental health has deteriorated and most days i feel close to death, i had to drop out of uni and am essentially a womanchild still living at home with my dad, whereas she got a first class degree in languages and now has a good paying job in admin, lives on her own and has loads of friends. she's also had lots of boyfriends in the past though i dont know if she has one now.
    now while i'm glad for her sake she's doing so well it does leave me in a rather awkward position as I just don't feel we have anything in common anymore. she has her own social life, she doesnt really need me. still she will write to me on facebook now and again, but we havent been able to meet since she moved because I've been too ill and she's been working.
    the other day she also thought it was appropriate to send me a link through facebook of a day hospital for people with mental health problems. i know she was probably only trying to help but it still bugs me.
    what do i do about this, do i cut her off completely, just wait for her to contact me again or what?
    i'm not good at making friends and keeping them. she's the only person outside of my family who bothers to ask me how i am every now and again.
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    Don't feel sorry for yourself. Try and improve your own circumstances, and feel better about yourself that way. Everyone is different, sure, but you have a great deal of control over where you take your life
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    (Original post by hellodave5)
    Don't feel sorry for yourself. Try and improve your own circumstances, and feel better about yourself that way. Everyone is different, sure, but you have a great deal of control over where you take your life
    I already am doing that. But my mental health just keeps deteriorating no matter what i do. ive been on medication and ive had talking therapy. it often feels like there's nowhere left for me to go, im a complex case and i fear the NHS might just end up giving up on me if i don't improve. Bear in mind that I've been like this for years, i'm turning 23 in two months and i worry that i'm going to reach 30 and still be in the same position.
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    Don't cut her off, she was trying to do something nice. It might be a little bit hurtful to you, or at least seem that way, but she is trying to be a little bit helpful. Cutting her off would be a little bit harsh. You can try and get a degree, if you got into uni before, you can get into uni again. Maybe pick a place closer to home to go to uni. Baby steps first?
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    (Original post by shyaamb)
    Don't cut her off, she was trying to do something nice. It might be a little bit hurtful to you, or at least seem that way, but she is trying to be a little bit helpful. Cutting her off would be a little bit harsh. You can try and get a degree, if you got into uni before, you can get into uni again. Maybe pick a place closer to home to go to uni. Baby steps first?
    i cant get into university again. for me that's hardly a "baby" step. its not even feasible. i left in the first place because i felt the level was too high for me. that won't have changed.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I already am doing that. But my mental health just keeps deteriorating no matter what i do. ive been on medication and ive had talking therapy. it often feels like there's nowhere left for me to go, im a complex case and i fear the NHS might just end up giving up on me if i don't improve. Bear in mind that I've been like this for years, i'm turning 23 in two months and i worry that i'm going to reach 30 and still be in the same position.
    Can I ask about your current mental health?
    In what way do you feel it gets in your way?
    When you say you're worried you wont improve - what is it you would like to achieve by the time you're 30?
    You're the same age as me, funnily enough 23 in 2 months.
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    (Original post by hellodave5)
    Can I ask about your current mental health?
    In what way do you feel it gets in your way?
    When you say you're worried you wont improve - what is it you would like to achieve by the time you're 30?
    You're the same age as me, funnily enough 23 in 2 months.
    i have severe health anxiety and OCD coupled with depression. i cant really be more specific than that. suffice it to say it's taking a huge toll on my life and my physical health as well.
    i would have liked to overcome a large enough part of my mental illness to be able to live a normal life without constantly having these worries that overwhelm me. i dont want to live with my dad anymore but i've nowhere else to go, he's kind of like my "carer" now, that's how he sees himself.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i cant get into university again. for me that's hardly a "baby" step. its not even feasible. i left in the first place because i felt the level was too high for me. that won't have changed.
    Professional Qualification Certificate? Its not a degree, but it gives the holder a qualification that enables them to get a job. My dad got this instead of a degree, and he ended up becoming the CFO of a company.

    I feel sorry for your situation, it must be really hard to be in that position, but if you want your life to change, you are going to have to change it yourself. Baby steps, you can start by attending some courses at a community college or something. Build yourself up to that level. Don't be bothered by other peoples achievements, be proud of yours. you are, like you said, at a different level. go about at your own pace.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    i have severe health anxiety and OCD coupled with depression. i cant really be more specific than that. suffice it to say it's taking a huge toll on my life and my physical health as well.
    i would have liked to overcome a large enough part of my mental illness to be able to live a normal life without constantly having these worries that overwhelm me. i dont want to live with my dad anymore but i've nowhere else to go, he's kind of like my "carer" now, that's how he sees himself.
    Have the professionals not found a cause, which can be treated through CBT? Not nice to take them, but the meds not helped?

    How are you doing professionally, job wise? If not, put your foot in with some casual volunteering, if possible. Fundraising can involve no more than just standing around with a bucket.
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    (Original post by shyaamb)
    Professional Qualification Certificate? Its not a degree, but it gives the holder a qualification that enables them to get a job. My dad got this instead of a degree, and he ended up becoming the CFO of a company.

    I feel sorry for your situation, it must be really hard to be in that position, but if you want your life to change, you are going to have to change it yourself. Baby steps, you can start by attending some courses at a community college or something. Build yourself up to that level. Don't be bothered by other peoples achievements, be proud of yours. you are, like you said, at a different level. go about at your own pace.
    I dont really care about qualifications tbh. I just want to stop suffering. As long as I am my brain will be in no place to achieve anything academically.
    I just cant help thinking sometimes, why is her life so great and mine is so sit? But I guess I can say that about almost anyone
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    (Original post by hellodave5)
    Have the professionals not found a cause, which can be treated through CBT? Not nice to take them, but the meds not helped?

    How are you doing professionally, job wise? If not, put your foot in with some casual volunteering, if possible. Fundraising can involve no more than just standing around with a bucket.
    Ive had cbt and ive had medication, nothing works.
    "Professionally", ive never had a job. I was volunteering but I had to leave when things became so bad that I was unreliable.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I already am doing that. But my mental health just keeps deteriorating no matter what i do. ive been on medication and ive had talking therapy. it often feels like there's nowhere left for me to go, im a complex case and i fear the NHS might just end up giving up on me if i don't improve. Bear in mind that I've been like this for years, i'm turning 23 in two months and i worry that i'm going to reach 30 and still be in the same position.
    I'm 23 and in a very similar situation to yours. Like Dave said what mental health problems are you suffering from in particular?

    I've become the womanchild you describe too and honestly hearing that there's someone out there close in age who is suffering similar problems and worries about staying this way for ages is somewhat comforting.

    I really worry about the NHS giving up on me too :/. I'm still in contact with my gp and waiting on therapies etc so hopefully soon.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm 23 and in a very similar situation to yours. Like Dave said what mental health problems are you suffering from in particular?

    I've become the womanchild you describe too and honestly hearing that there's someone out there close in age who is suffering similar problems and worries about staying this way for ages is somewhat comforting.

    I really worry about the NHS giving up on me too :/. I'm still in contact with my gp and waiting on therapies etc so hopefully soon.
    I have health anxiety and depression. Mental health services in the NHS are appalling. Im glad ive been of some comfort, it seems like everyone is having a better time than me atm.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I dont really care about qualifications tbh. I just want to stop suffering. As long as I am my brain will be in no place to achieve anything academically.
    I just cant help thinking sometimes, why is her life so great and mine is so sit? But I guess I can say that about almost anyone
    Don't want anything academically. You only want to stop suffering. All i can say is calm down, exercise do something to get it of your mind.
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    (Original post by shyaamb)
    Don't want anything academically. You only want to stop suffering. All i can say is calm down, exercise do something to get it of your mind.
    Erm...okay...its not as simple as that.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Ive had cbt and ive had medication, nothing works.
    "Professionally", ive never had a job. I was volunteering but I had to leave when things became so bad that I was unreliable.
    That's strange. Have they not found a biological or psychological route cause?
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    (Original post by hellodave5)
    That's strange. Have they not found a biological or psychological route cause?
    My diagnosis is neurotic depression and ocd. What the cause of it is they cant tell, theres no definite answer.
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    A lot of people tell me my life is perfect, they are jealous of me etc etc
    It always makes me laugh as if they knew what really went on in my life they wouldn't be jealous at all.

    Don't be jealous of anyone. You don't really know their circumstances. No one has the perfect life
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    (Original post by Mezza362)
    A lot of people tell me my life is perfect, they are jealous of me etc etc
    It always makes me laugh as if they knew what really went on in my life they wouldn't be jealous at all.

    Don't be jealous of anyone. You don't really know their circumstances. No one has the perfect life
    Your life may not be perfect but you probably are fortunate which is why some people are jealous. Consider yourself lucky id say.
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    This has little to do with her and a lot to do with you. If you were successful you wouldn't want to cut her off. Don't. You'll need her in the long run.
    Educate yourself. Get fit. Stop focussing on other people. Tell your dad to back off. You are a grown woman and do not need a carer. You're not going to get well mentally while you feel your life is crap.
    I've been through depression, and i've been suicidal, and the only things that dragged me back were music and exercise. Endorphins really do work. Good Luck.
 
 
 
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