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Thoughts on Shallow, and where do I find girls who aren't? watch

    • Thread Starter

    tl;dr version in next post.

    So to preface this I was going to make a generic 'why are all girls so shallow?' thread, however as I just said they are generic, the forum has been flooded with them since at least 2011. So here I will deconstruct the mentality which leads to this, which is applicable to myself and perhaps many other men. I am then going to ask a more useful question.

    1) You only go for the stereotypical hot girls, therefore you are shallow..

    This is quite self-explanatory, if everywhere around you stinks, look under your shoe.


    a) Lower your standards (physically, and/or learn to appreciate more complex forms of beauty including non-physical).

    E.g. Look in your friend-zone. In particular consider that the joys of LTR stem mostly from emotional connection, compatibility and shared life experiences; sex is just a small element of this. If you need some eye/arm-candy to be happy you are probably emotionally immature.

    b) Accept you have a preference, and that it is a shallow one; do not judge others for applying the same standard/preference to yourself. If you cannot do this then you're a hypocrite, something worse than shallow.

    2) Your social sample is biased.

    For example, I spent a lot of time into lifting, the bodybuilding community, and recently PUA forums. These are all largely focused on aesthetics, money/wealth, sex and other superficial factors, with an elitist vibe necessary for its ideology-PUAs in particular. They also endorse hetero-normativity including gender roles, which can play against some men. Obviously, this is not great for a skinny jobless dude.


    a) Look elsewhere, a community without the same bias towards shallow behaviours

    b) Play by the rules of the culture, do not whinge that they are biased against you; you bought the ideology, you can get a refund on it.

    3) It's not your looks, it's your personality.

    Perhaps you were boring, or stupid, or they felt your life was going nowhere*, or as funny as Schindler's List**. Or you may have crippling social anxiety-unfortunately a turn-off to most women. Most likely, you have internalised the need for validation from your predetermined gender of romantic/sexual interest, which makes you come across as needy, another turn-off.

    All in all, basically, you have no game.

    However, no need to fear, these can all be worked on. Please note that outside of the PUA/BB community/ONS game, and above the age range of 21 y/o, women are more lenient on aesthetics if you can convey otherwise social/financial/emotional security, and game. In University and other 'intellectual' sub-cultures the Wall is hit at a much younger age than those lacking said education-c. 22-25y/o as opposed to 30 y/o outside.

    All of this is a fancy way of saying: don't get fat, never get fat, but focus on your career, financial stability and social skills first, and you'll be attractive even if you haven't got abs.
    See my earlier thread on the matter.


    a) Lower your standards

    b) [sic] Get a life [/sic]-see below, for tips on this

    4) This is just a theory you made up to avoid talking to women and challenging a confirmation bias to evade any of the above 3 factors.

    Solution: Challenge your denial, return to 1-3)

    Please note that failing to talk to women is DEATH to your game, chivalry/traditional gender roles still rule in the current culture and very few women tend to make a cold approach.

    5) Your age demographic is biased towards aesthetics and superficial factors.

    This particularly applies to the 14-21 age range.

    Solution: Well this isn't your fault as much, you're literally being socialised against your best interests. In particular the media is currently promoting princess mentality for young women and 80s throwback masculine archetypes (big and buff) for men. My understanding of this is that in a time of economic stability society becomes more conservative and traditional; to some extent the mentality behind the New Age Sensitive Guy has been responsible for the credit culture which led to the current recession. We are experiencing a backlash to that manifesting in the current double standards of popular third wave feminism in the UK and USA.

    This will change in time, as you mature (see 3) but lads, try and take responsibility to 'break the mould' before you get out of the age range for extra advantage.

    So here's my next question: assuming we are generalising people, where can I meet some non-shallow girls? (Atm just for friendship but it would be good to find a 'safe' environment so to speak)

    Note that the same standard should be applied to women saying 'ugh all men are pigs', however since I am not one, I cannot speak for them

    *But note that some, not all but some, women are unreasonable about this (see hypergamy). Next these women if you cannot deal with the game

    **If anyone knows any good kosher jokes Steven Spielberg dropped in there, PM me!

    This was a public service announcement from Smash Bandicoot

    Create a dating website called

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    • Thread Starter


    'Why are girls so shallow?'

    1. You only go for the 'hot girls'/you are shallow and narrow-minded

    2. You're in a shallow environment, and may even be actively choosing to stay there because you're in denial about 1.

    3. Your personality sucks

    4. You don't actually talk to women but make up reasons why girls aren't flocking to you [edit: I will add about the double-edged sword of chivalry in a minute to main OP)

    5. You're young and everyone is shallow because you're all insecure

    Some good sources on overcoming social anxiety with women beyond looks:

    More good sources


    Mark Manson-Models: Attracting Women with Honesty http://markmanson.net

    Robert R. Glover-No More Mr. Nice Guy

    [online] Paging Dr. Nerdlove http://www.doctornerdlove.com

    [for the feminists] Captain Awkward http://captainawkward.com
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