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Boyfriend -
I had a really weird conversation with my boyfriend online last night, and I'm really quite worried about him now.
First he said that he wants to be nice but he's been in the habit of being lonely and bitter for so long, and that he wants to be open with people but just can't.
He kept talking about himself like he was two people which was pretty scary. Though in the end he said it's not possible to actually be two people, and without both aspects he'd probably just be really annoying. And that he needs to vent these different extremes from time to time.
He kept saying that part of him is 'inhuman' and a 'monster' and stuff, which really upset me...
I know we all have lots of different aspects, so maybe this is actually not weird, he was just being weird about it? I mean, everyone thinks several different things, and logic says one thing whilst emotion says another. But he said he feels this is stronger in him.
Until me, he used to just go on cold logic, you see, he'd never had a girlfriend and basically tried to act like he had no feelings at all. And now because of me, he's having to come out of that, and get used to not shutting half of himself out.
If that makes any sense?
He did say everything with me is great, that he loves me, and couldn't ask for anything more. But why all this? I had no idea about any of it, and I suppose him coming out with all this last night upset me so much because with my ex, with whom I thought everything was fine until the day he broke up with me.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say with this post, what I'm asking... I just needed to discuss this somehow...
First he said that he wants to be nice but he's been in the habit of being lonely and bitter for so long, and that he wants to be open with people but just can't.
He kept talking about himself like he was two people which was pretty scary. Though in the end he said it's not possible to actually be two people, and without both aspects he'd probably just be really annoying. And that he needs to vent these different extremes from time to time.
He kept saying that part of him is 'inhuman' and a 'monster' and stuff, which really upset me...
I know we all have lots of different aspects, so maybe this is actually not weird, he was just being weird about it? I mean, everyone thinks several different things, and logic says one thing whilst emotion says another. But he said he feels this is stronger in him.
Until me, he used to just go on cold logic, you see, he'd never had a girlfriend and basically tried to act like he had no feelings at all. And now because of me, he's having to come out of that, and get used to not shutting half of himself out.
If that makes any sense?
He did say everything with me is great, that he loves me, and couldn't ask for anything more. But why all this? I had no idea about any of it, and I suppose him coming out with all this last night upset me so much because with my ex, with whom I thought everything was fine until the day he broke up with me.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say with this post, what I'm asking... I just needed to discuss this somehow...
Reply 1
I had a really weird conversation with my boyfriend online last night, and I'm really quite worried about him now.
First he said that he wants to be nice but he's been in the habit of being lonely and bitter for so long, and that he wants to be open with people but just can't.
He kept talking about himself like he was two people which was pretty scary. Though in the end he said it's not possible to actually be two people, and without both aspects he'd probably just be really annoying. And that he needs to vent these different extremes from time to time.
He kept saying that part of him is 'inhuman' and a 'monster' and stuff, which really upset me...
I know we all have lots of different aspects, so maybe this is actually not weird, he was just being weird about it? I mean, everyone thinks several different things, and logic says one thing whilst emotion says another. But he said he feels this is stronger in him.
Until me, he used to just go on cold logic, you see, he'd never had a girlfriend and basically tried to act like he had no feelings at all. And now because of me, he's having to come out of that, and get used to not shutting half of himself out.
If that makes any sense?
He did say everything with me is great, that he loves me, and couldn't ask for anything more. But why all this? I had no idea about any of it, and I suppose him coming out with all this last night upset me so much because with my ex, with whom I thought everything was fine until the day he broke up with me.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say with this post, what I'm asking... I just needed to discuss this somehow...
First he said that he wants to be nice but he's been in the habit of being lonely and bitter for so long, and that he wants to be open with people but just can't.
He kept talking about himself like he was two people which was pretty scary. Though in the end he said it's not possible to actually be two people, and without both aspects he'd probably just be really annoying. And that he needs to vent these different extremes from time to time.
He kept saying that part of him is 'inhuman' and a 'monster' and stuff, which really upset me...
I know we all have lots of different aspects, so maybe this is actually not weird, he was just being weird about it? I mean, everyone thinks several different things, and logic says one thing whilst emotion says another. But he said he feels this is stronger in him.
Until me, he used to just go on cold logic, you see, he'd never had a girlfriend and basically tried to act like he had no feelings at all. And now because of me, he's having to come out of that, and get used to not shutting half of himself out.
If that makes any sense?
He did say everything with me is great, that he loves me, and couldn't ask for anything more. But why all this? I had no idea about any of it, and I suppose him coming out with all this last night upset me so much because with my ex, with whom I thought everything was fine until the day he broke up with me.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm trying to say with this post, what I'm asking... I just needed to discuss this somehow...
Not meaning to sound purposely horrible or anything but tbh he sounds like the kind of psycho nutter who goes mad and kills his wife and children. But in your case I suppose that would be you.
Reply 3
Perhaps it would be better for him to work on the issue of becoming more of a nice person himself before getting into a big relationship, because if he's unsuccessful it could end up upsetting you or hurting you.
Not sure what you mean about your ex though..do you mean you're worried that this new guy might do the same? I think that'd be right in a way because he is finding it hard to look after his own emotions, let alone a partner's.
Not sure what you mean about your ex though..do you mean you're worried that this new guy might do the same? I think that'd be right in a way because he is finding it hard to look after his own emotions, let alone a partner's.
Reply 4
I don't quite understand what you are saying but i'll give this a go. Tell me if im along the right lines, if not then explain a little bit more and people will be able to give you more advice. This is how I understood your post but im probably wrong...
Your boyfriend has been alone for a long time, never really had a girlfriend and now he has, he realises that he now has to change his ways because he now has another person to think about. He has realised that in order for the relationship to work he has to be "nice" which he finds difficult because of how things were in the past, he was lonely and bitter and is now finding it difficult to express himself in other ways.
He finds that he has two sides to his personality, one side of it is the one that you know and have grown to love but there is this other, darker side to his personality which he doesn't like therefore he describes it as "inhuman" and "monsterish".
He has found it difficult to express himself in the past which led him to pretending that he couldn't feel anything, that things never bothered him but now that he has you, he has to get used to the fact that he has to be open and honest with you and that he can't keep going the way he has done.
He thinks that everything with you is great, he is happy with you but you are scared that things aren't quite right and you don't fully understand what he is saying to you, you are finding it quite difficult to accept the things that he is saying. Because of your past, you are not worried that there is going to be a break up, just because he says everything is fine, doesn't mean that he actually means it.
I don't know what you mean so it's kinda impossible for me to give you any advice on the situation but does any of what I said sound like your situation? If not then try and explain the situation again, the better you explain it the better you advice will be.
Your boyfriend has been alone for a long time, never really had a girlfriend and now he has, he realises that he now has to change his ways because he now has another person to think about. He has realised that in order for the relationship to work he has to be "nice" which he finds difficult because of how things were in the past, he was lonely and bitter and is now finding it difficult to express himself in other ways.
He finds that he has two sides to his personality, one side of it is the one that you know and have grown to love but there is this other, darker side to his personality which he doesn't like therefore he describes it as "inhuman" and "monsterish".
He has found it difficult to express himself in the past which led him to pretending that he couldn't feel anything, that things never bothered him but now that he has you, he has to get used to the fact that he has to be open and honest with you and that he can't keep going the way he has done.
He thinks that everything with you is great, he is happy with you but you are scared that things aren't quite right and you don't fully understand what he is saying to you, you are finding it quite difficult to accept the things that he is saying. Because of your past, you are not worried that there is going to be a break up, just because he says everything is fine, doesn't mean that he actually means it.
I don't know what you mean so it's kinda impossible for me to give you any advice on the situation but does any of what I said sound like your situation? If not then try and explain the situation again, the better you explain it the better you advice will be.
Reply 5
You're talking like he would...as if 'cold logic' is something bad etc. You both sound emo. Sucide pact.
I reckon he'd just read jekyll and hyde and took it a bit too seriously. Just say 'shut up, you idiot, who do you think you are?' That might bring him down to earth.
It might be becasue he's just not used to being with a girl not feeling all lovy duvvy - he might feel like hes not being a cold, hard rational male that he tried to be to justify himself being single.
It might be becasue he's just not used to being with a girl not feeling all lovy duvvy - he might feel like hes not being a cold, hard rational male that he tried to be to justify himself being single.
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