Just first of all want to say that I really do not want to go or expect to be invited with him every single time he goes out; he has the right to have his own life and go out with his friends. My issue is that I have never been introduced to these friends even once, and it makes me feel as if he's embarrassed of me.
He goes out with a big group of colleagues about once a month, and within that group, there was a girl (who's since left the company) but who he'd been good mates with. She sounded really nice and apparently always asked him about me and stuff. She had told him she wanted to meet me (he told me), and I wanted to meet her too as I thought we could get on well, so I proposed going to their workplace one day to have lunch with them both and whoever else. He just always had an excuse, or when I asked him in a text if it was a good time to come, he literally just avoided the question. I felt bad because I didn't want her to think that it was me not wanting to meet her.
It was him who told me she wanted to meet me and it just never happened, then she left sadly. He's a member of a sport association and he has these mates who he speaks to online, and occasionally (every few months) they all have a big night out together. Apparently his mate there always invites his wife, and I am sure there are other girlfriends invited, but again he has never invited me, even once.
Even before, we lived 15 minutes' walk from 2 of his best mates, also a couple, but we literally never did anything as a foursome, even though I had often suggested it to him. One night, these people had a party, and he was making excuses such as I wouldn't like it, they'd all be smoking etc. ( since I don't smoke). and I just got upset so in the end we went.
I should mention that I live in their country and I am not fluent in their language yet. I try my best and I can have a general conversation but I'm certainly not at the level of a native. I dunno if I'm being paranoid but I just feel like he's not proud of me, he doesn't want anyone to meet me and he's ashamed, possibly at my language skills, because I stutter and stuff too.
Whenever I've met new friends here or been out somewhere, I've invited him at least a couple of times, and I've always introduced him to friends or offered him the chance. I just think this is a normal part of a relationship. Should I speak to him? We've argued about this before but nothing's changed. Thanks in advance.
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Boyfriend never introduces me to his friends or invites me out watch
- 11-01-2015 05:54
- 11-01-2015 05:56
Something I forgot to add: His colleague recently invited both me and him to a party, but of course we didn't go. We could have gone but I could see my boyfriend was reluctant. When I've asked him if I'll ever meet his friends at work, (such as a girl he spends time with) he's just like, uh, yeah, maybe.
- 11-01-2015 06:27
To be honest, it doesn't sound like he is making much of an effort to help you to integrate. Having said that, perhaps he doesn't want to put pressure on you to be around people you don't know, in a strange place, speaking a language that is still at times difficult for you.
I think you need to have this conversation with him, in a non-accusational way, just to let him know that you would really appreciate the opportunity to meet the people he is friends with, and that you 'need his help' to broaden your circle of friends. Mention that it would be nice to do things together with his friends sometimes - perhaps even suggest a get-together at your place?
If he is still reluctant, try to get to the bottom of why, and have a conversation addressing that.
- 11-01-2015 10:18
Thanks for your reply Yes perhaps it's that, and I was just being overly paranoid. He once said that he cannot force people here to be friends with me. I do have one or two friends here and I am going to events etc. to try and make more. I just thought that part of a relationship was also getting to know each others' friends. But if I talk about being invited, he might just invite me because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to :s
- 11-01-2015 10:24
I say the best thing is to talk about it because you'll never know whats going on inside his head.
Just explain to him that you don't want to force him to invite you, you just want to meet his friends to be polite. And practice your English skills and that you're not trying to make friends with them but trying to be polite (if he thinks you're trying to force friendships).
But at the end of the day just ask him but don't sound too interrogating haha
- 11-01-2015 10:44
Yeah just have a chat. As I say, he may well be trying to avoid putting undue pressure on you - he might think that the situation would make you nervous, and that you only want to meet them out of obligation.
See what he has to say I'm sure everything will be fine x
- 11-01-2015 10:51
Thanks a lot for the replies
Yeah, it could really be that, I didn't even think of that to be honest. I've a friend who's also not from this country, and she moved here with her husband. Her husband has introduced her to everyone he knows and they all regularly do stuff together. It's the same with my friend in another city, and I just feel like i'm missing out. When I've invited him to meet my new friends here, he generally doesn't want to come, and my old friends live far, so we can't really all go out together, and when I go to visit them back home, he never really comes either so it's more difficult.