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    I felt that really nobody in my life had ever matched up to my old GF. I felt that it was time to draw a line under all the non committal mess of the past and get together properly. To have a good ending to the years of on-off time wasting. We have been seeing each other for 6 months again but only a sexual affair. Yes I turned let her go last time, this time I am not going to let her get away, we will get engaged and make a proper effort to be together - proper commitment. Yes we may argue at times and have trouble but within the marriage we will work through it. SO I proposed with ring and all.

    Question: If she had said yes would it have worked or was it marriage already doomed to fail? Is the idea of marrying to fix a non committal relationship realistic?
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    Yes marriage is a good idea. You may not realise it now, but people who started to dismiss the idea of marriage and are now 50 feel lonely and wish they had a constant life partner. Marriage may not be essential for that but it strengthens the bond and is the best base for a happy family and if you really feel she is the best for you, go for it. Plus it's nice - rings, wedding, honey moon, anniversaries. It adds a lot to a relationship in my opinion.
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    Thanks for the reply. That is what I thought too. Thing is I did. She said no. She cried and said bad timing. Turned out she had met a new bloke a month ago and she never told me. So she dumped her ex and the affair with me for the new guy. What do you think ?
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    She was right to say no, and you're a tool for asking. You don't 'fix' a non committal relationship by entering into a commitment that does not reflect it! :rolleyes:
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    Surely, you make a proper effort to be together and then get married?
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    In an ideal world yes. I've tried to get serious with this girl for 10 years +. She didn't want commitment. The only times she did get serious SHE proposed to me! But I was worried she only did it as she was desperate to get pregnant. I tried to get her to wait a few months to see how we go before we started down that road, but she said she didn't have time. Recently she kept saying how she didn't trust me to stick at it and how she thinks I only want her when I don't have her. That is not true. So this is why I thought the best way forward now was me to propose. New beginnings.
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    (Original post by dancehead)
    In an ideal world yes. I've tried to get serious with this girl for 10 years +. She didn't want commitment. The only times she did get serious SHE proposed to me! But I was worried she only did it as she was desperate to get pregnant. I tried to get her to wait a few months to see how we go before we started down that road, but she said she didn't have time. Recently she kept saying how she didn't trust me to stick at it and how she thinks I only want her when I don't have her. That is not true. So this is why I thought the best way forward now was me to propose. New beginnings.

    Honestly, draw the line, yes you've invested a lot in her and vice versa, but you could save yourself investing more and regretting it later by just moving on. Hard, but marrying her is almost guaranteed to be worse. What's stopping yous divorcing/cheating/etc later on, if you're not actually all that compatible right now? Sorry
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    (Original post by PhysicsGal)
    Honestly, draw the line, yes you've invested a lot in her and vice versa, but you could save yourself investing more and regretting it later by just moving on. Hard, but marrying her is almost guaranteed to be worse. What's stopping yous divorcing/cheating/etc later on, if you're not actually all that compatible right now? Sorry
    I was hoping the marriage would. She takes the view that she is only ever going to marry once and so do I. It's not a - 'well lets get married and see how it goes' thing like many people do. Marriage = rest of life commitment as far as I'm concerned and her too
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    (Original post by SiminaM)
    Yes marriage is a good idea. You may not realise it now, but people who started to dismiss the idea of marriage and are now 50 feel lonely and wish they had a constant life partner. Marriage may not be essential for that but it strengthens the bond and is the best base for a happy family and if you really feel she is the best for you, go for it. Plus it's nice - rings, wedding, honey moon, anniversaries. It adds a lot to a relationship in my opinion.
    Christ, that doesn't mean you should marry someone with whom a relationship clearly doesn't work. What are you on?

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    I was led to believe that you married someone you were happy with and you wanted to spend the rest of your life with.

    What you've said is a very odd reason toe ven consider marriage.
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    (Original post by Musie Suzie)
    Christ, that doesn't mean you should marry someone with whom a relationship clearly doesn't work. What are you on?

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    I said if he really thinks she's the one. And I think it's up to them to decide if it works or not.
    And I was saying about marriage in general not for him. It's their choice.
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    Marriage is stupid.
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    Well I thought she was the one and it would have worked. But by her saying no, that told me she felt this new guy she has known 5 minutes was more important than marrying me with over a decade of history.
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    Marriage is good. But not in your twenties. Only in your 30s

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    (Original post by dancehead)
    Well I thought she was the one and it would have worked. But by her saying no, that told me she felt this new guy she has known 5 minutes was more important than marrying me with over a decade of history.
    Lol someone hasn't gotten over their EX

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    The length of time you've been with someone doesn't matter, imo.
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    Why are you so determined to limit yourself to 1 person forever. It makes no sense.

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    (Original post by AsandaLFC)
    Lol someone hasn't gotten over their EX

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    Not quite. We were having sex but not within a relationship which has been a large part of the history
 
 
 
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