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Worried he's 'the one', so how do I get over this? Pls help me stop going crazy Watch

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    I'm basically going crazy over a guy who I love but I can't be with, I really need to advice for the sake of my sanity! I've tried to keep to the point and will be super greatful if you could read below! Anon because my previous post will easily show my identity to people who know me.

    I met a guy in the summer of 2013 we immediately got on amazingly. I didn't even wonder whether I fancied him or not because he's not my type and I didn't consider that anything would happen between us. We hung out so much in an enclosed environment, so although we only spent a few weeks together it probably equated to a good few months in dating or 'normal life' time together.

    One day when we were hanging out he just said to me 'shall we get married?' and I was like alright go on then! So from there we went around very blatantly saying that we were in love and we were going to get married and have babies etc. We'd cuddle a lot and stroke each other's faces whilst we were joking around, the people we were around kept asking whether it was a joke or not and we never gave them a straight ananswer because it was funny to see them so confused.

    A few days before we knew we'd part ways we kissed and I suddenly realised that I'd fallen for him. We secretly spent some coupley time together and we spent the last night together in a hotel, which we've both said was probably the best night of our lives.

    He lives abroad on a whole other continent, so every time we spent time together I told myself to live in the moment and just enjiy it while it lasted because I'd never see him again. We never had a discussion about the situation, we just said we'd Facebook message to keep in touch. In the first couple of weeks we spoke all of the time but then he said we should cool it down because he didn't want me spending all my time online when I should be out there meeting real guys. So we started chatting less and only Skype every few months.

    He was due to be coming back over last summer and we said we'd meet up and get jiggy and spend some more time together whilst he was here. However a few months before it became clear that he'd lost interest in talking to me so I stopped messaging him. Around the time he was due to be here I checked his Facebook and it didn't seem to exist. I thought he'd blocked me, I felt so annoyed with him and also gutted, it was quite a similar feeling to getting dumped.

    Fast forward 7 months later, he sent me a message saying he was really sorry and he hoped I wasn't too mad at him. He'd deactivated his account because Facebook was annoying him and he'd got all swept up in his new relationship, which had started at the time time he began ignoring me. I was ready to tell him where to go and wasn't accepting of his excuse, but he sent me a couple of really genuine apologies so I decided to give our friendship a chance.

    We've Skype more often that we had in the past and he's said stuff to me like 'I care for you greatly.' Him getting back in touch has hit me really hard and he knows that I haven't been sleeping properly since, but I haven't told him that the stupidest love quotes and stuff like that have been setting me off emotionally and I'm finding it hard to think that we'll never get a chance to see where a relationship would end up. He's said a lot of reminiscent stuff about the time we had together.

    But there's the case of his girlfriend and the distance. They've been falling out recently because she's pushing him to say I love you and he doesn't want to yet. He's told her he's probably there but doesn't want to say it just because she's asking. He said to me that if he had met her a couple of years earlier he would have said it a long time ago, and I didn't know if he meant before he met me, or if that's my wishful thinking.

    I'm posting on here because I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much and although I've always said I don't want a long distance relationship, but if it was the option now I'd jump at the chance. It's likely he'll be moving back to the UK in the middle of next year. But obviously with him having a girlfriend a relationship talk can't happen. I've told him that I'm not going to speak to him for a few weeks, and knowing that he's not going to be messaging me has been making it easier to deal with my feelings so far because he's slightly less in my mind. Because we get on so well I know think I'm ready or brave enough to stop speaking to him all together and it would be a waste to throw away such a good friendship.

    I haven't met any new guys recently and whilst I'm still emotionally attached to him I'm not interested in anyone else. What would you guys do in my position?

    Also I'm not surprised if he visits the area in a few months. I really want to see him again but don't know if I could face it, should I?!
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    I've just seen this is a long read, but I wanted to put my situation into context!
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    Move on and date other guys

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    When he said he could tell his gf that he loves her if he had met her a few years ago, it probably means that he's not completely over you. I guess he doesn't want a long distance relationship, hence him not being with you now. However you said he would move back next year so maybe he is going to break up with his gf and you could have the relationship talk then. Until then you should try your best to meet other guys. Who knows, maybe you'll find someone even better (although you probably think there isn't such a thing :P ) Good luck!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm basically going crazy over a guy who I love but I can't be with, I really need to advice for the sake of my sanity! I've tried to keep to the point and will be super greatful if you could read below! Anon because my previous post will easily show my identity to people who know me.

    I met a guy in the summer of 2013 we immediately got on amazingly. I didn't even wonder whether I fancied him or not because he's not my type and I didn't consider that anything would happen between us. We hung out so much in an enclosed environment, so although we only spent a few weeks together it probably equated to a good few months in dating or 'normal life' time together.

    One day when we were hanging out he just said to me 'shall we get married?' and I was like alright go on then! So from there we went around very blatantly saying that we were in love and we were going to get married and have babies etc. We'd cuddle a lot and stroke each other's faces whilst we were joking around, the people we were around kept asking whether it was a joke or not and we never gave them a straight ananswer because it was funny to see them so confused.

    A few days before we knew we'd part ways we kissed and I suddenly realised that I'd fallen for him. We secretly spent some coupley time together and we spent the last night together in a hotel, which we've both said was probably the best night of our lives.

    He lives abroad on a whole other continent, so every time we spent time together I told myself to live in the moment and just enjiy it while it lasted because I'd never see him again. We never had a discussion about the situation, we just said we'd Facebook message to keep in touch. In the first couple of weeks we spoke all of the time but then he said we should cool it down because he didn't want me spending all my time online when I should be out there meeting real guys. So we started chatting less and only Skype every few months.

    He was due to be coming back over last summer and we said we'd meet up and get jiggy and spend some more time together whilst he was here. However a few months before it became clear that he'd lost interest in talking to me so I stopped messaging him. Around the time he was due to be here I checked his Facebook and it didn't seem to exist. I thought he'd blocked me, I felt so annoyed with him and also gutted, it was quite a similar feeling to getting dumped.

    Fast forward 7 months later, he sent me a message saying he was really sorry and he hoped I wasn't too mad at him. He'd deactivated his account because Facebook was annoying him and he'd got all swept up in his new relationship, which had started at the time time he began ignoring me. I was ready to tell him where to go and wasn't accepting of his excuse, but he sent me a couple of really genuine apologies so I decided to give our friendship a chance.

    We've Skype more often that we had in the past and he's said stuff to me like 'I care for you greatly.' Him getting back in touch has hit me really hard and he knows that I haven't been sleeping properly since, but I haven't told him that the stupidest love quotes and stuff like that have been setting me off emotionally and I'm finding it hard to think that we'll never get a chance to see where a relationship would end up. He's said a lot of reminiscent stuff about the time we had together.

    But there's the case of his girlfriend and the distance. They've been falling out recently because she's pushing him to say I love you and he doesn't want to yet. He's told her he's probably there but doesn't want to say it just because she's asking. He said to me that if he had met her a couple of years earlier he would have said it a long time ago, and I didn't know if he meant before he met me, or if that's my wishful thinking.

    I'm posting on here because I just don't know what to do. I miss him so much and although I've always said I don't want a long distance relationship, but if it was the option now I'd jump at the chance. It's likely he'll be moving back to the UK in the middle of next year. But obviously with him having a girlfriend a relationship talk can't happen. I've told him that I'm not going to speak to him for a few weeks, and knowing that he's not going to be messaging me has been making it easier to deal with my feelings so far because he's slightly less in my mind. Because we get on so well I know think I'm ready or brave enough to stop speaking to him all together and it would be a waste to throw away such a good friendship.

    I haven't met any new guys recently and whilst I'm still emotionally attached to him I'm not interested in anyone else. What would you guys do in my position?

    Also I'm not surprised if he visits the area in a few months. I really want to see him again but don't know if I could face it, should I?!
    I would seriously not want to be in your situation. The fact he has a girlfriend means that you are not a top priority to him and frankly neither is she.
    I am afraid u might have cut all contact and move on. Boys are built for sweet talk and I am afraid this one isjust stringing you along.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by Ekemini)
    I would seriously not want to be in your situation. The fact he has a girlfriend means that you are not a top priority to him and frankly neither is she.
    I am afraid u might have cut all contact and move on. Boys are built for sweet talk and I am afraid this one isjust stringing you along.
    Haha and I hope it doesn't happen to you too! I think you're right, except he did go through a lot of effort for me to give him a chance. I see why everyone has said to meet other guys but with my lifestyle I never meet new people, so it would mean online dating. I would otherwise turn to it at this point, the only reason I would is so I can try to get over this guy and I don't know if that's right
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    • Thread Starter
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    Bump. First and last time I will I promise
 
 
 
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