I've been friends with this girl for about half a year now. We met at work, didn't think we'd get along at first so avoided each other for the first couple of weeks, then got to actually know each other and suddenly became really good friends. We don't work together anymore (she left the job a few months back) but we still keep in touch and have met up a few times since she left.
We used to text on a very regular basis, just silly things almost every day and have a laugh. This gradually turned into a few texts once or twice a week (mainly due to her slow responses which made me think she'd prefer less texts and I'm absolutely fine with that) - before meeting this girl, I'd never been a 'have to text my friends every day' type of person anyway. I don't even text my long term best friends every day (though we do have group texts in which there's almost always someone texting something, but that's different to texting just one person every day)!
But recently, her delay in texting back has started to annoy me. I'm not the quickest text-replier myself, but I normally try to reply within an hour of receiving a text... especially if it's someone important to me.
She used to be great at replying and initiating texts for the most part. But in the past month or so, there's been several times when she's taken a long time to reply to a text. Granted, they're never really important texts that require immediate replies, but it's still annoying. Especially when SHE initiates something/asks me a question (no matter how unimportant the question or answer may be) and then just doesn't reply back until the next day or sometimes even a few days later.
It's annoying for 2 reasons:
1) My friendship with this girl is very fun and casual, I find her very easy to talk to and often have random funny things I wanna share with her (seeing as I no longer see her every day at work).
2) When she takes a long time to reply, it makes me feel like she's bored of me or no longer interested. And I've noticed I now feel like I sometimes have to think about what I text her in case she decides to take ages to reply... Whereas it never used to be like this and I felt like I could just text her anything anytime. It's made me feel like I may be annoying her.
From what I know of her, she's very kind and I find it difficult to think she'd DELIBERATELY reply late to my texts to make me feel that way or anything. But then again, maybe she is trying to hint that she doesn't care about texting as much anymore? I do know for a fact that she can be quite bad at replying to texts/facebook messages etc in general. So I know it's not unique to me... I've been with her before when she's received texts and not replied straight away... And she's told me about times when people have texted her and she's not replied/forgotten to reply/replied late etc. But it happening to me now is confusing!
The thing is though, whenever we do meet, she acts the same as she's always done, always wanting to make new plans, and looking like she genuinely loves spending time with me.
So I can't work out why there's been a sudden 'awkwardness' to our texts in the past month or so. She's very independent, career-orientated and pretty reserved, and I know she had some problems with her long-term boyfriend back in December (something she said she's not told anyone apart from me and her sister!) She's also started a new job (she's been there for just over a month now) so that could also be a factor. But I know it's not because she's busy... I mean, texting doesn't take that long and she has time to go on Facebook etc!
I'm not gonna lie, I feel a bit hurt. It frustrates me that she can be so reserved sometimes, especially in texts. When I see her in person, she opens up a lot more about her life and everything. And it frustrates me even more that she does this to me sometimes. When she's in the mood, she texts back and forth regularly and it's like old times again... Then a few days later, I'd text her something and she takes hours to reply! I feel like I'm on a texting roller coaster of emotions with her haha!
And it's affecting me more than it should. Probably because she's a dear friend to me, someone who although I've only known for a short time, I'd like to stay friends with for a long time. In fact, she's generally a great friend. I really love our friendship and it saddens me that this 'texting' thing has started to bother me so much! I wish it didn't! Sometimes when she doesn't text back for days, I think to myself "Is she really THAT good of a friend?" and then remember all the great times we've had and decide to just forget about it.
But this unpredictability in our communication is getting to me now. Would you be okay with a friend who didn't text you back straight away quite regularly? Or would you say that's them not putting enough effort into the friendship? A lot of people seem to say 'taking ages to reply to texts so often' shows a lack of respect and interest from them... But I keep thinking that maybe the 'new changes' in her life have been keeping her mind busy, so she's subconsciously changed her ways. Or that other things are more on her mind right now than our friendship. Perhaps because I'm still at my old job, don't currently have relationship problems etc, I'm finding I have more time to put effort into the friendship than she does? Do you think I should ever mention this 'replying late to texts' to her or just leave it? Whenever I start to get annoyed and think of mentioning it to her, she suddenly texts me something funny and we end up having a great conversation for a while and I decide to forget about it. But then it happens again a few days later...
What is my life?! Why should texting bother me so much?!
Friend confuses me...? Watch
- Thread Starter
- 12-01-2015 02:45
- 12-01-2015 14:11
I can tell this is really bothering you. I guess the reason you take this matter to heart in such a way is because you very much care about her and this friendship. It's like you fear your relationship will change because of her lack of response, which you do not want, since you like how things are. My best tip for you: talk to her. We could go back and forth specualting what's making her take so long answering you messages, but really, the most effiecent and straightforward way to know exactly what's causing this is to ask her. If you just ask her nicely, I think she would explain and I think you would feel the most content hearing directly from her what's been holding her up.
I'm sorry this has cauased you emotional distress. I hope you resolve this matter and move forward. Good luck and take care!
Offline21ReputationRep:TSR Support TeamVery Important Poster
- TSR Support Team
- Very Important Poster
- 12-01-2015 15:42
I think you're reading too much into this. I don't have my phone on all the time and don't always reply straight away either.