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    I'm so sorry that this is so long- so much love for you if you get to the end!

    I have had a fairly rocky relationship with my boyfriend (4 years). After the initial 6 months we regularly argued and he 'left' me several times for a couple of hours. After a while everything died down and returned to normal.

    From the beginning of 2014 everything started to go downhill rapidly. He began to ignore me to obviously look at other girls (whilst I was stood next to him trying to have conversation with him), he would lie to my face about where he had been, he would ignore me for hours or days at a time and he refused to see me more than once a week. He didn't get me anything for my birthday either. I was told by all our friends to leave him, that he was walking all over me and that I deserved better. I ignored them, but became more and more unhappy everyday- to the point where I was crying myself to sleep.

    I had no idea what I was doing wrong. I am not a bad looking girl, and I regularly get offers from other guys (which I obviously politely decline). I'm smart and I'm shy, and I like to have a laugh. I couldn't understand what was making him behave like that.

    This continued to my summer exams, where he told me that my exams were not important and refused to wish me luck. He then went on a sports holiday with some of his old friends, and when he returned I went on a girls holiday with mine. He became angry I was going on a girls holiday and refused to talk to me for the entire time. He then continued to ignore me when I returned home. By this point I was panicking and was basically begging him to talk to me. He eventually agreed to see me- but refused to pick me up and was distant the entire time. He started meeting up with people he hadn't spoke to in years- they were all into drugs and sleeping around. He didn't come in until 1am most nights, even when he had work. I was starting to give up hope.

    I then found out I was 15 weeks pregnant. He promised he would be there to support me, and I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I didn't have enough to bring a child into the world at that point in my life. He refused to come to any appointments with me, and my closest friend was begging me to leave him. I had a small gathering with our friends at my parents house during the summer when they went on holiday- my boyfriend came round for 2 minutes to use my toilet and then left. The next day he left me. By text. At 1am. After 4 years. Whilst I was pregnant.

    I was obviously devastated but had seen it coming. He then sent me snap chats of him out with a very attractive girl every night for the next 2 weeks. He was constantly with her and took her out places all the time. He would ring me at 1am after dropping her home and wouldn't stop ringing until I picked up. I started to move on and accepted we wouldn't be together again- I met up with old boy friends I hadn't seen in a while. I also had my abortion. After a month out of the blue he begged for me to go back out with him- at first I didn't agree, but after convincing and persuading I finally agreed to give it a try.

    Since September he has been making a massive effort to make me feel comfortable and to make up for the way he treat me. He's trying to convince me to trust him again- but I don't know if I can.

    I have found out that he left my party early to meet up with the attractive girl- and he had been cheating on me for weeks before he finally dumped me. She lives basically round the corner from me, and I keep finding out little bits of information that he has lied about 'to protect me'. I'm finding it really really difficult to get over what he has done. I know he is sorry, but I have no idea how I can ever trust him again. I do love him, but I hate how he made me feel. I am now paranoid, self concious and hate myself because of what he did. How do I get over this and move on happily with him? I have told him how I feel but that doesn't shake the horrible hurt feeling in my chest constantly.

    In Short: Boyfriend treat me badly for months, then cheated on me whilst I was pregnant and left me. He then begged for me back and is really trying to make an effort to get me to trust him. How do I get rid of the hurt feeling which seems to be consuming me?
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    Keep telling yourself "he's an idiot", then find something you like doing that doesn't involve a partner. i.e. Ignore him forever.
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    I am really sorry about your situation. He probably realized you are much better than the girl he gave up on you for. Right now tables have turned and he is the one who "depends" on you, so to speak. Be strong and make the best decision for yourself. You can either give him another chance but tell him that it will take some time for you to begin trusting him again, or you can find someone better who will appreciate your efforts and not leave you during hard times. Take care of yourself and good luck.
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    A relationship is not supposed to be this way. You are not supposed to feel worse about yourself, demeaned and worthless. This is not normal and the sooner you leave him the sooner you will agree with me.


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    • #1
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    (Original post by Schrode)
    I am really sorry about your situation. He probably realized you are much better than the girl he gave up on you for. Right now tables have turned and he is the one who "depends" on you, so to speak. Be strong and make the best decision for yourself. You can either give him another chance but tell him that it will take some time for you to begin trusting him again, or you can find someone better who will appreciate your efforts and not leave you during hard times. Take care of yourself and good luck.
    Thank you. That's what he keeps telling me- and whilst it makes me feel a bit better, it makes me upset to think he preferred her to me at one point. I guess it's a case of "the grass is greener on the other side". I guess you are right- I'm the one who can call the shots now. I really do want to give him another chance, I'm going to have to find a way to somehow forgive him. I'm sure there will be someone else out there who can treat me well, but I do love him.
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    I think you should try and read your own post, OP, as objectively as you can. Don't read it and think of your own situation but try and read it as if a friend or another poster had written the same thing, and then try and think of any good argument for why the relationship should continue.

    It's really sad to read all of that and have you identify everything that's wrong with him and your relationship, and how negative you feel all of the time because of this guy, and yet still insist on trying to be with him. Of course you still love him, you've been together for years, but given enough time you'd move on. You need to for your own sake, in my opinion.

    EDIT: I don't think you should consider the idea of someone else being better for you or him, it's not about someone else it's about you. You said yourself that you feel paranoid and you've come to hate yourself, that's not right
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    Welcome Squad
    This is one of the few times where I'll say that the girl's friends are right about the relationship.
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    You have to cut all contact with him.
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    Hey dude, first of all if u think about this carefully and look at yourself, you are one person who has gone through a hell lotta trouble, all the pain that you have been through is unforgivable. And do you really think that he loves you?? and he can seriously be trusted again?? I might not have been in same situation as you but i would srsly not even think twice about rejecting him in the face and slap him to even think that he can easily come any time and ask you to trust him?


    If u really want to live a normal life peacefully, then u have to push him off your road since he is blocking your way. I really hope that u make a good decision and think about all this carefully, this kind of person doesn't deserve someone as kind and lovable as you.


    dont forget that there are many people who love you <3
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    Hey dude, first of all if u think about this carefully and look at yourself, you are one person who has gone through a hell lotta trouble, all the pain that you have been through is unforgivable. And do you really think that he loves you?? and he can seriously be trusted again?? I might not have been in same situation as you but i would srsly not even think twice about rejecting him in the face and slap him to even think that he can easily come any time and ask you to trust him?

    If u really want to live a normal life peacefully, then u have to push him off your road since he is blocking your way. I really hope that u make a good decision and think about all this carefully, this kind of person doesn't deserve someone as kind and lovable as you.

    dont forget that there are many people who love you <3

    from ur anon friend
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    You can't go over it, you can't go under it so you'll have to go through it
    • #1
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    (Original post by Gott)
    You can't go over it, you can't go under it so you'll have to go through it
    This literally made me burst out laughing! Thank you!


    (Original post by bornhater)
    x
    Thank you so much for your support. It's hard to imagine not being with him, but at the same time I doubt I will ever be able to forgive him for this past year.


    (Original post by sliceofcake)
    I think you should try and read your own post, OP, as objectively as you can. Don't read it and think of your own situation but try and read it as if a friend or another poster had written the same thing, and then try and think of any good argument for why the relationship should continue.

    It's really sad to read all of that and have you identify everything that's wrong with him and your relationship, and how negative you feel all of the time because of this guy, and yet still insist on trying to be with him. Of course you still love him, you've been together for years, but given enough time you'd move on. You need to for your own sake, in my opinion.

    EDIT: I don't think you should consider the idea of someone else being better for you or him, it's not about someone else it's about you. You said yourself that you feel paranoid and you've come to hate yourself, that's not right
    Good idea, I'll try doing that now. I know I'll do it wrong because I'm going to find it hard to distance myself from it all! I'm scared of moving on and then regretting it- I love him so much but it's really not healthy for me to feel like this everyday.
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    #2

    (Original post by Anonymous)
    This literally made me burst out laughing! Thank you!




    Thank you so much for your support. It's hard to imagine not being with him, but at the same time I doubt I will ever be able to forgive him for this past year.




    Good idea, I'll try doing that now. I know I'll do it wrong because I'm going to find it hard to distance myself from it all! I'm scared of moving on and then regretting it- I love him so much but it's really not healthy for me to feel like this everyday.
    I feel quite sorry for you. Your boyfriend abused you because he saw someone more attractive. What happens when he finds the next person who might be more attractive than you? You'll have a repeat of what is happening now, and do you want to be with someone who can be as hot and cold as your bf is. 4 years is an awfully long time, but I could never imagine going cold on my gf when she needed me most.

    I wanted to leave my girflriend at one point and there were a few girls interested in me... but she then became pregnant. I wanted her to have an abortion but she wanted to keep it. I was there for her , to support her and help her though it. I couldn't imagine abusing and ignoring my gf as your bf did to you...while you were pregnant! He doesn't love you and probably won't.

    You can do better.
 
 
 
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