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Being the 'rebound' girl
Okay, I started uni about a month ago, and previously had just been really academic, focusing on my owrk to get into a decent uni, and as a result I think I am quite socially naive (not much experience of going out, meeting people, etc). I also went to an all girls school, so because I didn't really socialise, didn't know any boy, and had a really low self-esteem.
Since being at uni, I'm struggling to balance work and social life, although I've met some genuinely lovely people. One thing I've liked is the opportunity to mix with guys a bit more... I'm always used to being the listener in my group of friends, listening to their problems, in particular with guys! But now I think the tables have turned. I've met a guy at uni who I really like, and this is unusual for me since I don't necessarily trust people easily, and I'm aware that we don't really know each other since we've not been at uni long!
We have kissed a few times, and gone a little further a couple of times, and hasn't pressurised me at all. The problem is that I've found out he recently split up from his girlfriend, I think at the end of the summer - he'd been freinds with her for ages first. When he was drunk a couple of nights ago, I think he kind of lost his guard about her and started saying over and over how much he misses her. Now, he has been mixed with me - in private very close and much more open, but in public really distancing himself from me, sometimes blanking me. I don't know where to go from here since, ironically, I really like him, but I don't know whether what we have done has been because he's confused and still likes this girl, using me as a bit of a rebound, or because he might just like me but think it's too soon.
Where do I go from here? Do I let him know that I like him but don't want to be the 'rebound' girl, or do I just wait and see where he goes from here?
Since being at uni, I'm struggling to balance work and social life, although I've met some genuinely lovely people. One thing I've liked is the opportunity to mix with guys a bit more... I'm always used to being the listener in my group of friends, listening to their problems, in particular with guys! But now I think the tables have turned. I've met a guy at uni who I really like, and this is unusual for me since I don't necessarily trust people easily, and I'm aware that we don't really know each other since we've not been at uni long!
We have kissed a few times, and gone a little further a couple of times, and hasn't pressurised me at all. The problem is that I've found out he recently split up from his girlfriend, I think at the end of the summer - he'd been freinds with her for ages first. When he was drunk a couple of nights ago, I think he kind of lost his guard about her and started saying over and over how much he misses her. Now, he has been mixed with me - in private very close and much more open, but in public really distancing himself from me, sometimes blanking me. I don't know where to go from here since, ironically, I really like him, but I don't know whether what we have done has been because he's confused and still likes this girl, using me as a bit of a rebound, or because he might just like me but think it's too soon.
Where do I go from here? Do I let him know that I like him but don't want to be the 'rebound' girl, or do I just wait and see where he goes from here?
Reply 1
*bump*
Please, I'd love some advice on this! Thanks...
Please, I'd love some advice on this! Thanks...
Reply 2
If I was in your position. and continually felt cast as the 'rebound girl', I would have a word with him in private and find out if he does genuinely like you or whether he likes the affection you're substituting in place of his ex girlfriend. Doing things with you so soon after breaking up with someone he felt a lot for is going to make him think about her, just because the break-up is so fresh. Tell him how you feel and don't be scared of saying something in case you lose him, it's better to know than to keep wondering.
You should talk to him and ask him! If they've only just split up and were together a long time its natural that he misses her. Give some time to work out what he wants, but talk to him n let him know that he has to let you know where you stand. Glad youre enjoying uni and socialising more - its definitely a good thing!
Reply 4
Thanks for your replies...
stainedglass - exactly: I don't want to be the substitute in terms of affection, but when I've asked where we are going with all of this, he says he doesn't know; at the time, I didn't know either, simply because I'd felt attraction before getting to know him. I still don't feel like I really know him, but still like him! I just don't want to ruin potential friendship by asking him straight out - am I being too cautious?
-x-Nina-x- - Of course it's natural, but I've indicated to him to be honest with me, and he never mentioned her to me when he had the chance in private. I feel like this is jeopardising any sort of relationship we might have, friends or more, as well as my friendship with others: I'm terrified of looking too clingy with him, and don't know how to get to show him what I'm like as a friend!
stainedglass - exactly: I don't want to be the substitute in terms of affection, but when I've asked where we are going with all of this, he says he doesn't know; at the time, I didn't know either, simply because I'd felt attraction before getting to know him. I still don't feel like I really know him, but still like him! I just don't want to ruin potential friendship by asking him straight out - am I being too cautious?
-x-Nina-x- - Of course it's natural, but I've indicated to him to be honest with me, and he never mentioned her to me when he had the chance in private. I feel like this is jeopardising any sort of relationship we might have, friends or more, as well as my friendship with others: I'm terrified of looking too clingy with him, and don't know how to get to show him what I'm like as a friend!
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