Fear of relationships

Ok this is a bit confusing and I dont know why I feel like this...basically I was in a relationship with my ex for 2 years and I ended up dumping him a few months ago because I just didnt want to be in a relationship anymore, and I'd lost interest with him and was fed up of his personality (he was quite manipulative and used to play mind games and try to make me jealous etc).

Since I've been at uni I've met a guy i really like and recently we've become close. We havent done anything apart from kiss really, but I can see it going to something more but the problem is - i'm terrified.

Part of me would love to be with someone who really cared about me etc and having the chance to be with someone but the other side of me is scared of getting hurt and I feel paranoid about everything - ie getting into a relationship would involve intimacy etc and I dont want it anymore (even though I had it with my ex). I feel like I'd become vulnerable, its so weird. Its actually quite depressing to as I dont know what he wants - everytime I see him we kiss and act like a couple, holding hands etc but we never talk about actually getting together. Im always scared im not good enough and he'd leave me even if we did get together.

Im thinking maybe this stupid fear stems from my parents. They had a really bad, abusive relationship which i witnessed from a young age and I dont know if I subconciously link being with someone to getting hurt? I dont know. Any help would be appreciated. (I am an 18 year old female btw.)

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

I know just how you feel. I am a guy though. I was with a girl for quite a long time but things ended (not especially well). Now we don't talk much, haven't seen her for ages and all in all I still quite miss her. Having said that, I am looking to get on with things but I just can't - despite being as over her as I feel I could be. There are a few girls who are apparently interested (or have been) but I just can't actually bring myself to do anything about it. I am hoping that this apathy is mostly just to do with not having found anyone with whom I have a particular "spark" (ugh, what a terrible phrase!) But then before my last r'ship I would be totally open to girls and get to know them really well and try my luck if I fancied them. Now it's almost like a mental block. The whole thing is very frustrating. So all I can do is sympathise and maybe suggest just trying to be as open as you can be. Loving someone does obviously leave you very open to being hurt, but then by not letting yourself get close to people you are hurting yourself in the long run anyway. Good luck either way...

Reply 2

dita_parlo

Again, I'm also in a very similar situation. Things ended between me and the ex six months ago. Recently I have become very close with a guy who lives in my street, and although I *do* like him, I am scared of getting involved with somebody who could potentially hurt me like Paul did. I guess the only advice I can offer is to try not to think too much about what may happen in the long run, try not to get too attached at this early a stage, and just try to have fun.

Reply 3

Sazarina88

You don't immediately have to get involved. Gradually work on things, taking each day as it comes. Over time I hope you'd be able to talk to him about this so he can understand how you feel about the concept of relationships.

It's not going to be easy to deal with but if he's worth it he will understand :smile: