Regret breaking up with boyfriend

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 5 years ago
#1
I broke up with my boyfriend of just over a year recently. I told him that it was because I didn't feel physical attraction for him. Sex isn't the most important thing to me but I couldn't help but feel I was missing out in some way. The problem is that in terms of compatibility of personality he is perfect. We never argued, he's the best friend I've ever had and our holiday over summer was the happiest time of my life. I can't help but feel as though I've thrown away such a meaningful relationship for so little, though I had worried sbout the lack of physical attraction in the past. I just feel such a huge part of my life is missing now and I can't decide what's more important.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Any advice is much appreciated.
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Mutleybm1996
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Is he still single?


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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Mutleybm1996)
Is he still single?


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Yes, it was only a few days ago and I don't see him being in another relationship for a while because ending this was so painful for both of us
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I broke up with my boyfriend of just over a year recently. I told him that it was because I didn't feel physical attraction for him. Sex isn't the most important thing to me but I couldn't help but feel I was missing out in some way. The problem is that in terms of compatibility of personality he is perfect. We never argued, he's the best friend I've ever had and our holiday over summer was the happiest time of my life. I can't help but feel as though I've thrown away such a meaningful relationship for so little, though I had worried sbout the lack of physical attraction in the past. I just feel such a huge part of my life is missing now and I can't decide what's more important.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Any advice is much appreciated.
This is how my first girlfriend broke up with me. I didn't listen to her pleas to get back with me; she'd broken up with me and that was that.

And I'm very glad I didn't.
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User1731925
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i think you should apologise and give it another shot
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Pandas&Penguins
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I think that if the physical attraction isn't there after a year then that's not something that's going to develop over time. So if you did want to get back with him that would be something you would have to reconcile yourself with. Attraction isn't the be all and end all though. It depends if there was romance and romantic feeling in your relationship or if you saw him more as a really close friend who you now miss spending time with? If it was romantic love and you are willing to forgo the attraction then I say its worth a shot.
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Mr Inquisitive
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Sounds like it was a relationship that gave you 90% of what you wanted. Unfortunately, 90% just isn't enough - that's why you broke up, and if you went back there, would likely end up breaking up again. You'll find someone who suits you better one day, just be patient.
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Eboracum
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I broke up with my boyfriend of just over a year recently. I told him that it was because I didn't feel physical attraction for him. Sex isn't the most important thing to me but I couldn't help but feel I was missing out in some way. The problem is that in terms of compatibility of personality he is perfect. We never argued, he's the best friend I've ever had and our holiday over summer was the happiest time of my life. I can't help but feel as though I've thrown away such a meaningful relationship for so little, though I had worried sbout the lack of physical attraction in the past. I just feel such a huge part of my life is missing now and I can't decide what's more important.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Any advice is much appreciated.
So what happened. Was he not fulfilling your physical and sexual desires? He wasn't the hot and dominant guy you fantasised about? I would of thought if there were lots of other things you liked about him, have a chat and see how you can develop things. If I had a gf and she asked for more in the bedroom I'd give it to her.

The grass always seems greener on the other side, but in this case it seems not to be.

Up to you, if you want him back ask, but male pride will now be severely damaged, and if I was him I'd find it very hard to forgive you. I'd view it s an insult to my manhood as I'd think you didn't think I was man enough for you. Best of luck.
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bumblebee342
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You say that the physical attraction is lacking and I don't see that as something that can be worked on. If you feel this way and it was your reason for breaking up with him, then it's obviously a problem for you.

If it's something you can look past then by all means talk to him. However I'd keep in mind that you felt this way and it's something that might not change. You could get back with him and break up again for the same reason.
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burrito girl
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You've already made a huge step of actually breaking up with him so to get back together would cause you both more pain in the future. It's only natural to want him back, give yourself some time and open yourself up to new opportunities
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Protégé
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That's a viable reason to break up with someone, attraction is important.
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Studentus-anonymous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes, it was only a few days ago and I don't see him being in another relationship for a while because ending this was so painful for both of us

http://i.imgur.com/V6ilQco.gif

Relax, you're just feeling post-break up blues. If you felt bothered enough to break up with him the first time chances are you'll quickly find you don;t want to be with him again if you did get back together.

Why would you need to be with him anyway? You say he's like your best friend.

Then why not try and be friends, at least in the future? You don;t need to be in a relationship with someone just to keep their friendship that's a bit mental.

Best of luck whatever you chose to do, it's rare you immediately feel like you've made the right choice, there's always doubts and worries but ultimately you just gotta go with your gut and stick with it.
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Musie Suzie
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I think if you said you wanted him back and he accepted, he would never get over knowing that you're not physically attracted to him. What's done is done.

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EnolaGay
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The grass is always greener, not always; sadly. Instead of bringing it to a bad breakup you should've asked for some space or talk it out with him. Poor guy must've felt really bad that you said he "lacks" that physical attraction now, or you've lost it for him now. If he's worth it.. Although I cant speak for him wanting you back but.. if he is, give him some time and approach him at a later time. Next time, think!
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MagicNMedicine
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Lack of physical attraction isn't really something you can "talk through" with someone.

You probably just need to try and repair things and see if he is willing to have a friendship, it sounds like this would suit you well and maybe you could both find other people?
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Ndella
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You broke up with him for a reason, and that reason is something that he cannot simply change. Besides, what makes you think he'd take you back after implicitly insulting his appearance. You need to move on and find someone you are actually attracted to.
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BlueSheep32
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I broke up with my boyfriend of just over a year recently. I told him that it was because I didn't feel physical attraction for him. Sex isn't the most important thing to me but I couldn't help but feel I was missing out in some way. The problem is that in terms of compatibility of personality he is perfect. We never argued, he's the best friend I've ever had and our holiday over summer was the happiest time of my life. I can't help but feel as though I've thrown away such a meaningful relationship for so little, though I had worried sbout the lack of physical attraction in the past. I just feel such a huge part of my life is missing now and I can't decide what's more important.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings! Any advice is much appreciated.
Have you ever felt physical attraction towards him? If you haven't then I wouldn't expect it to develop any time soon. Your instinct was that something wasn't right in this relationship and that was it. If you felt like you were missing out on something by being with him, breaking up was probably the right thing to do. With the personality thing...it's great that you've found someone you click with so well, and it would be a shame to lose that friendship. Give him some time and space and see if he'd be willing to still be friends with you.

As for you saying you never argued, that doesn't necessarily make for a good relationship. Sure, arguing lots isn't good, but it's healthy to argue occasionally in a relationship because it might be the only way for an issue to be resolved and if you can resolve it, then it makes you stronger. One of my flatmates didn't argue with her ex for the whole time they were together (2 years), and then they broke up a few days after their first (and only) argument. Not saying that happens to every couple who doesn't argue, but if you don't air your problems every now and then things build up and the arguments are much worse. Just bear that one in mind for future relationships.
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iAmanze
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You did the right thing. If you were not feeling the spark physically then you should not be in a relationship as being bf+gf by definition means that both parties are physically attracted to each other (as well as emotionally, spiritually etc). If not, that is called friendship.

If you don't feel it now, when you both get older and uglier (fact of life), it'll only make things worse.
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