This discussion is now closed.

Check out other Related discussions

How do I get out of this rut

I'm depressed. Really, lowest of the low depressed. It's a few weeks into uni and I've made zilch friends - there's opportunities to go up to people, but they've always turned hostile and I know nothing would come of it. It doesn't help that I have pronounced acne too; quite a few scarring and some active spots. When I go up to them, I can imagine what they're thinking, hardly a person to be friends with if you look at that all day.

It's also a catch 22 thing, I've seen single people approached by others now and again across campus, and next week in the same lecture they've become great friends. Of course, much the same reason no-one would accept me when I approach people, I have never during uni been approached. This bugs me quite a bit.

I know people will say, "stay postiive and they will come" and all that crap but that's never the case. By contrast, I've seen sad, grumpy people regularly picked up by someone else and hey presto, they've cheered them up. This depression of course is keeping my mind occupied, as I'm already badly behind in uni work, and the self promises I've made to myself to get a job, get exercise and so on have not even started off yet. And yes, I have applied, to tens of companies. I can only guess why they wouldn't want me.

I went to see a councillor but they were absolutely terrible at giving advice, and there's no way I'm going to a Gp and have on record that I've suffered from depression and taken some pills for it.

Reply 1

L i b

19

I refuse to believe that you've not found a few people who are perfectly polite to you rather than 'hostile'. You've got to acknowledge that you're just blaming your skin complaints when really it's all in your head.

Go to your flipping GP. Who cares what you've got on your medical records?

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

join societies

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Lib North

I refuse to believe that you've not found a few people who are perfectly polite to you rather than 'hostile'. You've got to acknowledge that you're just blaming your skin complaints when really it's all in your head.

Go to your flipping GP. Who cares what you've got on your medical records?

say I came up to you and started some small talk. What would be your first impressions? Ican safely say that 90% of the time i get looks of disgust when I start a conversation, and that small proportion are polite in that they're waiting for me to go way.

Being depressed on record won't do me any favours, employers are more scrutinising so they would hardly pick someone who admitted depression unless they were exceptional. Which I'm not of course.

Reply 4

Nutter

16

As cliché as this may sound, it takes two hands to clap.

You're going to have to make the effort as well if you want more friends.

It's possible that you're in an especially challenging environment but you have to believe and have confidence in yourself. If others can do it, then so can you.

Yes, that's what it's about.

Reply 5

oldusername

Anonymous

It doesn't help that I have pronounced acne too; quite a few scarring and some active spots.

the thing to do is to stop worrying about that, i find that the days that i feel good about myself and like 'good hair days' are the days i get approched the most or people talk to me more, but it's not about me looking better than i did the day before, infact i look exactly the same as ive ever looked, it's about how you feel about yourself, if you feel good, look confident, people will want to know you.

Reply 6

*starry_eyed_*

14

Anonymous

say I came up to you and started some small talk. What would be your first impressions? Ican safely say that 90% of the time i get looks of disgust when I start a conversation, and that small proportion are polite in that they're waiting for me to go way.

.

I treally annoys me when people say things like this. Sure you might have acne. Sure you might feel self-consicence about it. But really really really no. I went through a horrible phase of acne a few years ago and I took the attitude that people would look at me in disgust, call me names behind my back etc.But not everyone in this world is as callous to go and do something like that.

Friendshi[ps take effort on both accounts. Why do you have to be the one who is approached all the time? Find someone in a lecture, that'll give you something to talk about. I'm not saying you should get into full depth conversations, but maybe you could just make a comment on the lecture or something?

It is tough when you think the world is against you. But you just have to keep going. As for your acne, have you tried alternative methods, such as homeopathy? As tedious as it is, it does work quite well. And just keep yourself on a healthy diet, drinking plenty of water.

Good luck.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Nutter

You're going to have to make the effort as well if you want more friends.

It's possible that you're in an especially challenging environment but you have to believe and have confidence in yourself. If others can do it, then so can you.

You see, this is what I mean. I do make the effort. All the time in fact, so it never is "others can do it", always just me talking to a non receptive brick wall. I mention the acne because first impressions count, and people are more likely to talk to you if you're naturally attractive than a half monster.

*starry_eyed_*

Friendshi[ps take effort on both accounts. Why do you have to be the one who is approached all the time?

I don't think I was clear enough in my post, but I NEVER GET APPROACHED. Ever since I was born in fact. The friends I've made in school before now? I've always been the one doing the talking at the start. It would be nice to feel wanted at least once in my life. THis is why it bugs me that lone people seem to get picked up without making any effort at all. It's not that I don't make any effort - it's that I always do, and hardly ever returned.

Take a group at lectures that I sat nearby. They weren't talking before the start so I asked something casual like whether they took many notes last week. Our lecturer is a bit, how shall we say, poor in his speech, so it was a bit obvious it would be impossible to do so - but instead of picking up on this,
they give me a closed "no".

And don't critique me on that one event alone, not the best example but the most recent and how, when I start a conversation it's never reciprocated, and never in a fashion to build something from. And yes, I do make sure I don't come across as annoying, I'm not boring and I can talk about anything. Shame no-one wants to know.

Reply 8

fairycakes

12

argh...this is the secnd timoe i've psted this!

first of all...do u look approachable? are u smiling and have a friendly demeanor about you? don't go up to ppl with the mind frame that they will reject u, cos it'l affect the way u interact with them.

also, what does ure appearance look like? one of my friends had trouble making friends in the begninng of uni, cs 1) he looks really old, like 30 so loads of girls just shunned him 2)looked old and is really scruffy, long hair, monobrow, baggy clothes etc. if u fit in this category, it mite make it harder for ppl to approach u, cos ure different. i know it's not right, but that's what ppl do. my friend smartened himself up a bit, found it a bit easier to make friends.

h and make sure u don't smell. i don't mean it in a jokey way. cos personally i can't stand around ppl who have bad bo for long, and would personally try to avoid them and i know all my friends are like that too.

i know it must be wearing down ure confidence and it's hard to keep going, but eventually u wil meet ppl that are worth knowing. most ppl are quite fickle when they first join uni.

xxxx

Reply 9

blot

7

If you're convinced you have clinical depression, you have to go to your GP and get some anti-depressants. Otherwise, the only help you'll get is going to be of the "pull yourself together" variety. This may sound harsh, but that's the way it is.

How do I get out of this rut

Related discussions

Articles for you