A guy with a crappy personality

This guy I met (through a friend) has been very friendly towards me for the last couple of months and finally told me that he liked me a few weeks ago and asked me out. He was really sweet and kind so I decided to have a shot with him. We went to Pizza Hut and had a super time. Co-incidentally we both like drinking ice cream with staws.

Anyway, I thought he was very sweet and kind, especially because when he talks, he makes it very much sound like he is listening and taking an interest in what I am saying, but also giving his point of view without being aggressive when he disagrees, and making a lot of conversations light-hearted even when talking about serious matters. I really liked him and thought that I could see us go somewhere which was a good thing because it seemed as if we both wanted a serious relationship.

I thought that he was the perfect kind of person, intelligent, sweet, kind, gentle, thoughtful etc. and he even drove me to a cafe far away which I said once that I loved, because there were none of them in our area.

Unfortunately I saw a different side to him and started to question his respect for girls. A few weeks ago, he was with his friends in the common room chatting and I don't usually go there, but I had to meet someone to lend them my notes. I waited outside next to the door (but you can hear everything inside because of the bad quality wooden doors). His group of friends were unable to see me, but I could hear them. I don't like his loud "gangster" friends to be honest, so I didn't want to go in and say hi to him. The person who was meant to borrow my notes made me wait for 15 minutes :mad:

which gave me enough time to hear the conversation going on behind the door.
It went something like

guy's friend #1: she likes it all romantic, none of the dirty stuff, it's a shame man (laugh)
guy's friend #2: yeah you should have done Michelle innit?
guy's friend #1: serious? (laugh)
guy's friend #3: (laugh) I heard bare stuff about her.
The guy: (laugh) yeah man.
guy's friend #3 (to the guy): innit, she such a y'know. You could do everything, y'know what I'm sayin;....
The guy (to friend#1): yeah it's a shame they have to be like clueless, or as dirty as a ho. Just do both of them innit! (laugh)
friends: (laugh)
guy's friend #2: yeah not like she your wife.

Then I felt the need to throw up, so I just left. How could someone be like that? I feel as if he's so fake and by the sound of the conversation I don't think he's told any of his friends that we were seeing each other.

He has not called me since last week, but we have talked online, and I was still friendly with him, I didn't bring up the fact that I over heard his conversation. It would make me sound like a stalker-girlfriend and he would probably spread things about me to his friends, which I really do not want!

What should I do? When we went out it seemed as if we were in a perfect relationship, and I have no real reason to break up with him. I do not feel as if I can bring up the conversation I overheard because he wouldn't believe me as I never go to the common room and he would ask why I didn't say hi to him. I can't just say "I don't like your friends" because I feel as if that would upset him even more and the whole thing will be blown out of proportion.

What should I do? Any advice?

I'm going to eat some ice cream now. :frown:

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

I tend to act differently with different people. Maybe he was just playing along? He seems like a great person.

Reply 2

Misogynist

18

^ That was me, pressed the Anon button by mistake.

Reply 3

~Sukhi

OP

Why

^ That was me, pressed the Anon button by mistake.

I guess the fact that the difference in personality was so huge and made me feel a bit sick made me question my faith in people altogether :frown:

He's been friends with these people since a few years ago, as they were all in the same secondary school. I would have thought that people who play along are only doing so for the sake of fitting in?
He is a great guy, but other times I disagree with myself, and just think that he's sexist. It's the thought of him actually believing what he says that worries me. I don't know if guys in general do joke about these things and not actually believe it, but I do feel slightly offended, no matter what their beliefs really are.
The friend who I met him through once quoted him saying "I respect the woman" when this issue was raised before between her and him. This somehow adds my feelings of uneasiness.

Reply 4

Misogynist

18

Guys say stuff like that all the time.. Dont worry about it. If you're extremely bothered by it slip it into the conversation next time you speak to him but I wouldnt recommend it. Just see if he ACTS like that towards you, if not he's just joking around. I'm sure he didnt MEAN what he said from the looks of it. It's just him trying to be funny with his friends..

Reply 5

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

Guys put on a load of macho bravado for their mates. One minute a guy can be with his friends and be like "Yeah, she gets all romantic but I'm only in it for the sex" and then an hour later be with his girlfriend and be completely in love with her.

It's all hot air. I wouldn't worry about it.

Reply 6

Ink

12

What is the meaning of this word 'innit' you kept having them say?

If I were you, I'm not sure I would change anything yet, but I would definately keep that conversation in mind. While it might have been hot air to some extent, I hang out with guys a lot, and my experience is that those who encourage others to cheat are probably cheaters themselves.

He might truly like you. You might have a great relationship. He might just be showing you another side of himself that his friends don't get to see.

But...that doesn't mean he won't cheat. Some of my guy friends are the sweetest guys around their girlfriends, and not so bad when not around them either. They truly do LOVE their girlfriends. But when the chance comes to get laid (or when they're drunk/on drugs), they take it. Even persue it. After all, it doesn't matter as long as it doesn't MEAN anything, right? :rolleyes:

Still, I don't know him. Maybe he's just playing along, and doesn't actually believe any of it. *shrug*

Reply 7

~Sukhi

OP

Grrr... Confusing.

Reply 8

always + forever

1

innit doesn't really mean anything in itself, it's used to show that you're agreeing with what has been said. kind of. :s:

anyway, i think you should wait and see what happens with the guy. Boys to mess around with their mates like that though, and it's nothing to worry about. However, I think I would be a little more concerned that he hasn't told his friends about the two of you, whilst you're calling it the 'perfect relationship'

Reply 9

Cortez

17

Ink

What is the meaning of this word 'innit' you kept having them say?

innit = Isn't it. Read this for more info - http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=innit

I think he was just playing along tbh.

Reply 10

Piggsil

16

Just going along with his mates for bravado, give him another chance. Maybe talk to him about it if it's still really bothering you. :smile:

Reply 11

HeadShock

He is playing you, watch out

Reply 12

~Sukhi

OP

Why would he be saying stuff like that just to "play along with his mates" though? I do not understand it. What exactly does he have to gain by acting like an idiot? :frown:

Reply 13

Zerforax

21

Somehow have him listen in on one of your girly convos going on about how whipped your going to make him and how easily he follows every word etc? :p:

Or w/e the girly equivilant of 'guy talk' there is...

Reply 14

~Sukhi

OP

btw, someone just PMed me. Is this a kind of joke?

hai sukhi
iam sowndarya.do u want to bemy buddy?

(posts: zero) :confused:

Reply 15

~Sukhi

OP

sarforaz

Somehow have him listen in on one of your girly convos going on about how whipped your going to make him and how easily he follows every word etc? :p:

Or w/e the girly equivilant of 'guy talk' there is...

I don't actually have these so-called "girly convos". I like to keep my relationship information within my relationship :rolleyes:

Reply 16

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

~Sukhi

Why would he be saying stuff like that just to "play along with his mates" though? I do not understand it. What exactly does he have to gain by acting like an idiot? :frown:

You can't understand unless you're a guy.

What I am about to say is a generalisation, and obviously not all guys are like it, but it is true for many young men. The simple fact is, there is a macho culture amongst young men that guys feel they have to be a part of, even if very few of us are actually truly like that through and through. It's the Arnie ideal, basically. To be a tough, emotionless action hero. That's why guys act like they're hard even if they weigh about 120 lbs and couldn't punch their way out of a wet paper bag, and it's why they act like they're incapable of falling in love with a woman, and they're only in it for sex. It's purely to put on a macho exterior to impress their friends and be part of the gang. I freely admit that I do it here and there, though nowhere near as much as I used to.

It's particularly prevalent amongst insecure guys. If you're comfortable and confident in your own masculinity then generally you don't feel the need to show off and try to prove it (although even there there are exceptions). For example, you generally don't hear big lads who know they can handle themselves in a fight talking about how hard they are, whereas you'll hear tons of skinny lads doing it because they feel they have something to prove. Equally, the guys who make a big song and dance about only being after a girl for the sex are the ones that feel the need to put on a show to cover up their real feelings and seem more manly, because they're the ones who tend to fall in love fastest and hardest.

Reply 17

carefree_sloth

Don't worry, I don't think he means it. He's just joking around with his mates. Anyway, he still likes you like what you said, so it's alright :smile:

.

Reply 18

~Sukhi

OP

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

You can't understand unless you're a guy.

What I am about to say is a generalisation, and obviously not all guys are like it, but it is true for many young men. The simple fact is, there is a macho culture amongst young men that guys feel they have to be a part of, even if very few of us are actually truly like that through and through. It's the Arnie ideal, basically. To be a tough, emotionless action hero. That's why guys act like they're hard even if they weigh about 120 lbs and couldn't punch their way out of a wet paper bag, and it's why they act like they're incapable of falling in love with a woman, and they're only in it for sex. It's purely to put on a macho exterior to impress their friends and be part of the gang. I freely admit that I do it here and there, though nowhere near as much as I used to.

It's particularly prevalent amongst insecure guys. If you're comfortable and confident in your own masculinity then generally you don't feel the need to show off and try to prove it (although even there there are exceptions). For example, you generally don't hear big lads who know they can handle themselves in a fight talking about how hard they are, whereas you'll hear tons of skinny lads doing it because they feel they have something to prove. Equally, the guys who make a big song and dance about only being after a girl for the sex are the ones that feel the need to put on a show to cover up their real feelings and seem more manly, because they're the ones who tend to fall in love fastest and hardest.

I do hope it is all an act, because the kinds of things he said to them made me really uncomfortable.

Just out of curiosity, is there a female equivallent of this kind of talk? If so, what kind of things would be said? I just can't imagine anything half as bad as what I heard him saying :eek:

By the way, thanks to whoever gave me another green thing :biggrin:

Reply 19

Eblis_O'_Shaughnessy

5

~Sukhi

Just out of curiosity, is there a female equivallent of this kind of talk? If so, what kind of things would be said? I just can't imagine anything half as bad as what I heard him saying :eek:

Some of the stuff I've heard girls say has been even worse!

A guy with a crappy personality

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