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I literally feel like I cannot do it anymore Watch

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    A bit of a backstory: I was always a bright, hopeful student. I always did my work at school and tried to do the best I can to get the grades I wanted and I did up until my GCSEs. I used to study effortlessly, I never really panicked (I did suffer from anxiety/perfectionism) but it was never anything academic-related anxiety, mostly just bullying but I did push myself to finish secondary school and my GCSEs.

    I followed through with this 'hopefulness/keep going' perception up until the end of my first year of sixth form. During this time, I was slowly coming to terms with my sexuality (I'm gay). But as I was trying to figure it all out, I became insanely depressed. I became extremely self-conscious and self-hateful, I felt alone all the time and I started missing out on a lot of school. I couldn't get myself to go to any tests because I felt like I was going to fail indefinitely and it kept getting worse and worse until I had to take my A Levels (I'm from outside the UK, so our AS and A2 module exams are combined into exams taken at the end of A2).

    I couldn't study at all, I cried constantly, my mind was shattered and confused, I slept a lot and felt horribly alone. I want to study Medicine and as long as we get the grades here, we're usually admitted into the course. I needed 3As. During this time, I tried to do anything to get myself away from where I live (my parents are extremely homophobic Christians who are masters in making me feel miserable and low with their words). But I can't study abroad because my version of A Levels isn't accepted and because it was too late to study the qualifications I needed to get into medicine in the UK. So I felt claustrophobic, immensely depressed, until my doctor recommended that it would be better for me to take a year out as opposed to going to the exams and failing.

    So I took a year out starting October 2014. But I feel like nothing has changed, really, I feel the same if not worse Nothing seems to be helping (even counselling). I really really want to start medicine this year. But the thought of spending another 5 years here with my parents and constantly feeling unaccepted and miserable, in a place so small there's barely anywhere to go, is daunting me. It feels like I'm trying to convince myself to feel excited about something I'm not excited about.

    But there's nothing I can do about it. I really need to snap out of this. I wish I could get all this confusion out of my head and just concentrate on the thing I should be doing, my A Levels, to just get rid of them. But all I'm doing is crying and staring at my notes :cry:.

    Is there anything I can do to just disable all of the negative thoughts, about being gay and feeling unaccepted and thoughts of old bullies and the thought of not starting medicine this year again amongst other things, and to just focus on these exams to start uni in October? I can't afford to repeat what happened last year again and spend another year not achieving anything I feel like I can't do anything anymore without screwing it up. :no:

    (I'm sorry it's such a lengthy read)
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A bit of a backstory: I was always a bright, hopeful student. I always did my work at school and tried to do the best I can to get the grades I wanted and I did up until my GCSEs. I used to study effortlessly, I never really panicked (I did suffer from anxiety/perfectionism) but it was never anything academic-related anxiety, mostly just bullying but I did push myself to finish secondary school and my GCSEs.

    I followed through with this 'hopefulness/keep going' perception up until the end of my first year of sixth form. During this time, I was slowly coming to terms with my sexuality (I'm gay). But as I was trying to figure it all out, I became insanely depressed. I became extremely self-conscious and self-hateful, I felt alone all the time and I started missing out on a lot of school. I couldn't get myself to go to any tests because I felt like I was going to fail indefinitely and it kept getting worse and worse until I had to take my A Levels (I'm from outside the UK, so our AS and A2 module exams are combined into exams taken at the end of A2).

    I couldn't study at all, I cried constantly, my mind was shattered and confused, I slept a lot and felt horribly alone. I want to study Medicine and as long as we get the grades here, we're usually admitted into the course. I needed 3As. During this time, I tried to do anything to get myself away from where I live (my parents are extremely homophobic Christians who are masters in making me feel miserable and low with their words). But I can't study abroad because my version of A Levels isn't accepted and because it was too late to study the qualifications I needed to get into medicine in the UK. So I felt claustrophobic, immensely depressed, until my doctor recommended that it would be better for me to take a year out as opposed to going to the exams and failing.

    So I took a year out starting October 2014. But I feel like nothing has changed, really, I feel the same if not worse Nothing seems to be helping (even counselling). I really really want to start medicine this year. But the thought of spending another 5 years here with my parents and constantly feeling unaccepted and miserable, in a place so small there's barely anywhere to go, is daunting me. It feels like I'm trying to convince myself to feel excited about something I'm not excited about.

    But there's nothing I can do about it. I really need to snap out of this. I wish I could get all this confusion out of my head and just concentrate on the thing I should be doing, my A Levels, to just get rid of them. But all I'm doing is crying and staring at my notes :cry:.

    Is there anything I can do to just disable all of the negative thoughts, about being gay and feeling unaccepted and thoughts of old bullies and the thought of not starting medicine this year again amongst other things, and to just focus on these exams to start uni in October? I can't afford to repeat what happened last year again and spend another year not achieving anything I feel like I can't do anything anymore without screwing it up. :no:

    (I'm sorry it's such a lengthy read)
    Have you thought about volunteering somewhere? It would help pass the time, make you feel that you are doing something positive, and look good on your medicine application.

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