Hey there! Sign in to join this conversationNew here? Join for free
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    I moved into halls late, just before the Christmas holidays, and I can't seem to get past my awkwardness around my flatmates! I asked to go in mixed sex but it's actually an all girls flat, and already a clique seems to be established, whilst the others are quiet like myself and mostly seem to do their own thing.

    The group are usually together 24/7, there's a kitchen which is the only communal area and it's like the atmosphere just changes when I go in there. On my first day I said hi and tried to introduce myself a bit, I'm studying this etc etc. It seemed ok, but nobody was or has been forward about getting to know me, as in no knocks on my door just to say hello or inviting me to join whatever it is they are doing (unfortunately you can't leave them open unless you buy a stop) etc.

    I really am a genuinely nice person but I just feel so shy. My main source of anxiety is the kitchen. When I walk in I either feel like I'm an intruder and just do whatever it is I need to do and go back out, or terribly self conscious. One time I was cooking and I felt as though all eyes were on me, and then there was a smirk and one of the girls asked if I wanted a tissue. (I was quite snuffly and ended up getting a bad cold! )

    I was kind of embarrassed and just replied "oh no I'm ok" then again took the food back to my room because I couldn't stand the atmosphere. I just feel so uncomfortable. I'm trying to set goals, maybe sit in the communal area to eat rather than going back to my room all the time so then I will start getting used to them, but I just feel so out of place!
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    Hiya,

    First of all, maybe this thread will help.

    Do you drink at all? It might be cool to sit down with them when they next have pre drinks and get involved?

    You say that you feel like all eyes on you, I think that if you talk to them more and make conversation (you need to make effort here ^_^) then you'll be a bit more relaxed around them. They probably don't feel like they know you and as you all live together this could be uncomfortable.

    The more you're around them, the more you'll start to become comfortable. It'll happen and you'll begin to settle in with the group. It requires patience but will happen, I'm sure!

    Does your university offer a counselling service? My university does and they're super discreet and willing to listen. They'll be able to help you talk this through and it'll get easier. It may be worth looking for this.

    Stay awesome - you can do this!

    Let us know how it goes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Hi,

    I have the exact same problem. I often avoid going in the kitchen when people are in there. It gets so bad that I keep food in my room so I don't have to go down there. I feel really silly but I get really anxious and feel that if I try to make a conversation then they'll get bored or bothered; I don't drink or party either. They are nice people but I over think things I think, which makes me feel really down often. I'm quite shy and I find it difficult to talk to people. I've tried counselling before but I just felt really pathetic. I may try again maybe.

    I do find it a bit easier when there's only one or two of my flatmates around, it's not as intimidating. Maybe you could try getting to know them one by one?
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    tl;dr but alcohol answers every social problem. if you don't think it does, your rate of consumption clearly isn't high enough
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    Hey I know how you feel, I don't really feel that comfortable with my flatmates either :/ where do you go?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Hiya,

    First of all, maybe this thread will help.

    Do you drink at all? It might be cool to sit down with them when they next have pre drinks and get involved?

    You say that you feel like all eyes on you, I think that if you talk to them more and make conversation (you need to make effort here ^_^) then you'll be a bit more relaxed around them. They probably don't feel like they know you and as you all live together this could be uncomfortable.

    The more you're around them, the more you'll start to become comfortable. It'll happen and you'll begin to settle in with the group. It requires patience but will happen, I'm sure!

    Does your university offer a counselling service? My university does and they're super discreet and willing to listen. They'll be able to help you talk this through and it'll get easier. It may be worth looking for this.

    Stay awesome - you can do this!

    Let us know how it goes.
    First off, thank you!

    I do indeed drink, and I love clubbing too, but they'd probably have to invite me to join them in the first place else I'd be too shy to suggest it, unless I stumble in on it by chance.

    When I say stuff it ends up being something like "oh was the cleaning lady here today? this place looks so much better!" (lol) or "can you get a phone signal in this room?" it's harder especially if they are already talking and I don't want to seem like I'm interrupting.

    I agree that the more I'm around them the easier it will feel, so I'm just hoping in time it will feel better!
    • Community Assistant
    Offline

    22
    ReputationRep:
    Community Assistant
    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    I do indeed drink, and I love clubbing too on occasion, but they'd probably have to invite me to join them in the first place which so far they haven't, unless I stumble in on it by chance.
    Maybe you should ask if they want to go to the SU bar or go out for a drink?

    By initiating it then they can see you're interested in bonding. Something like "Should we all go for a drink or to the SU bar? Might give us a chance to bond a bit more? "
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Tyeece)
    Hi,

    I have the exact same problem. I often avoid going in the kitchen when people are in there. It gets so bad that I keep food in my room so I don't have to go down there. I feel really silly but I get really anxious and feel that if I try to make a conversation then they'll get bored or bothered; I don't drink or party either. They are nice people but I over think things I think, which makes me feel really down often. I'm quite shy and I find it difficult to talk to people. I've tried counselling before but I just felt really pathetic. I may try again maybe.

    I do find it a bit easier when there's only one or two of my flatmates around, it's not as intimidating. Maybe you could try getting to know them one by one?
    I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, haha. I keep food in my room too, also to prevent it getting stolen as well as not having to go to the kitchen so much. Obviously we need the fridge for stuff like milk etc.
    Offline

    7
    ReputationRep:
    are any of the people you live with in the same class as you ?
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by hman1994)
    are any of the people you live with in the same class as you ?
    Only two, the rest are on other courses. They both seem to keep themselves to themselves and hang out with people in other flats, so I might consider doing the same.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Roving Fish)
    Hiya,

    First of all, maybe this thread will help.

    Do you drink at all? It might be cool to sit down with them when they next have pre drinks and get involved?

    You say that you feel like all eyes on you, I think that if you talk to them more and make conversation (you need to make effort here ^_^) then you'll be a bit more relaxed around them. They probably don't feel like they know you and as you all live together this could be uncomfortable.

    The more you're around them, the more you'll start to become comfortable. It'll happen and you'll begin to settle in with the group. It requires patience but will happen, I'm sure!

    Does your university offer a counselling service? My university does and they're super discreet and willing to listen. They'll be able to help you talk this through and it'll get easier. It may be worth looking for this.

    Stay awesome - you can do this!

    Let us know how it goes.
    Update: I learned another girl in my corridor felt a VERY similar way and has recently moved out and gone to another corridor. I guess it just relieved me I'm not the only one who felt awkward. Two girls closer to my room are quite nice and I've been getting to know them a bit better.
    Offline

    3
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    I moved into halls late, just before the Christmas holidays, and I can't seem to get past my awkwardness around my flatmates! I asked to go in mixed sex but it's actually an all girls flat, and already quite a strong clique seems to be established, whilst the others are quiet like myself and mostly seem to do their own thing.

    The group are usually together 24/7, there's a kitchen which is the only communal area and it's like the atmosphere just changes when I go in there. On my first day I said hi and tried to introduce myself a bit, I'm studying this etc etc. It seemed ok, but nobody was or has been forward about getting to know me, as in no knocks on my door just to say hello or inviting me to join whatever it is they are doing (unfortunately you can't leave them open unless you buy a stop) etc.

    I really am a genuinely nice person but I just feel so shy. My main source of anxiety is the kitchen. When I walk in I either feel like I'm an intruder and just do whatever it is I need to do and go back out, or terribly self conscious. One time I was cooking and I felt as though all eyes were on me, and then there was a smirk and one of the girls asked if I wanted a tissue. (I was quite snuffly and ended up getting a bad cold! )

    I was kind of embarrassed and just replied "oh no I'm ok" then again took the food back to my room because I couldn't stand the atmosphere. I just feel so uncomfortable. I'm trying to set goals, maybe sit in the communal area to eat rather than going back to my room all the time so then I will start getting used to them, but I just feel so out of place!
    hiding in your room will only make it worse. They'll think you're rude and unfriendly. You need to make an effort to get to know people, ask them how their days are going, make sure they're comfortable and enjoying themselves.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by cole-slaw)
    hiding in your room will only make it worse. They'll think you're rude and unfriendly. You need to make an effort to get to know people, ask them how their days are going, make sure they're comfortable and enjoying themselves.
    I don't think I behave in an unfriendly way. I always try and say hi and be pleasant, "oh you look lovely" as I walked in that sort of thing. I'm just shy so I don't tend to go in the kitchen unless I need to but I will try to make conversation or general chit chat. It's actually very quiet in this flat and I usually only really see these 3 girls together, they definitely seem to be a clique.
    Offline

    18
    ReputationRep:
    God this scenario sounds so ****ing awkward. I predict I'de have committed suicide or at the very least failed uni terribly if I had moved into halls.
    • Thread Starter
    Offline

    9
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by TorpidPhil)
    God this scenario sounds so ****ing awkward. I predict I'de have committed suicide or at the very least failed uni terribly if I had moved into halls.
    Haha it did feel awkward. It's like some people I feel naturally more comfortable around, others not and it seems to be more the second. I moved out to gain my own independence which I love, and my flat is lovely has a little en-suite bathroom. I was hoping I'd make some good friends in my corridor but so far just a few acquaintances, although I've got a lovely friend and people I talk to on my course so I'm rarely alone in lectures and I'm hoping to join a society. I'm also in touch with quite a few friends outside the university too as they don't live far and go out with them at weekends so it's not all bad.
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by jellybabies22)
    Haha it did feel awkward. It's like some people I feel naturally more comfortable around, others not and it seems to be more the second. I moved out to gain my own independence which I love, and my flat is lovely has a little en-suite bathroom. I was hoping I'd make some good friends in my corridor but so far just a few acquaintances, although I've got a lovely friend and people I talk to on my course so I'm rarely alone in lectures and I'm hoping to join a society. I'm also in touch with quite a few friends outside the university too as they don't live far and go out with them at weekends so it's not all bad.

    From what everyone's told me about halls, it's a complete gamble what kinda group you end up sharing a flat with. I'm going next year and i'm worried about a similar situation happening to me (awkwardness/shyness). Societies seem like awesome ways to meet new people so i'd go for it.
 
 
 
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • Poll
    Has a teacher ever helped you cheat?
    Useful resources
  • See more of what you like on The Student Room

    You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

  • The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

    Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

    Write a reply...
    Reply
    Hide
    Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.