Right, I know this is irrational before someone points this out since it's not that widespread among society but let me explain.
I'm gay, so the rates are higher among the gay community and I live in London where the percentage is also higher. I was never really scared of it or anything, since I always took followed the premise that provided you have safe-sex, you don't really have anything to worry about.
However, my ex-boyfriend had health anxiety and this fear of contracting HIV became instilled in me so now I'm even scared to the point of irrationality to have sex with someone, even with protection and if I know them. I googled information and so on and I'd read lots of stories about people who'd still contracted HIV with protection. It gets to the point where even if I know someone is clean, I think of the fact that it takes months to show up on tests and so on. I know it's a stupid worry.
Can anyone who is knowledgeable try to help me shake of this fear and become more rational?
PS, I really hope this doesn't offend anyone who is HIV positive - just trying to overcome my silly, irrational ideas!
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HIV fears preventing me from having sex watch
- Thread Starter
- 15-01-2015 22:34
- Community Assistant
- 16-01-2015 13:37
It's safer sex rather than 'safe' because there are still risks attached to being sexual with other people. The trick is to reduce them to a level you're comfortable with.
So personally, I am entirely ok giving oral without using condoms. I think - and there's good evidence to back this up - that even if they are HIV+, the risk is somewhere between nil and tiny, and I'm ok with that. (I'm also ok with the way that if they have some other things, the risk is higher than that for those.) But I wouldn't have anal sex without using a condom.
You will probably be comfortable with an different set of risks, and that's entirely ok.
The situation can be different if there is the trust that there can never really be in more casual sex. If you're in a relationship with someone, you both test HIV- and you both trust each other to not take risks with other people (and to talk about it if/when it happens) then you can say 'no matter what we do together, it can't catch or pass on HIV'. There's still a risk - not everyone is honest about what they've done with other people, especially if they think it would end the relationship if they were.
- 16-01-2015 13:45
If you are that worried could you not just find a partner, be faithful to one another for three months without having sex and after three months both get tested? Then you know you're both clear and zero risk of catching HIV.
- Community Assistant
- 16-01-2015 14:13
Three months is longer than it needs to be and, as I've said, there's still the risk that the other person is not honest about what they're doing. Some people think the risk is worth taking, others don't.
- 16-01-2015 21:03
This is basically ME! But i am worse than you I am afraid.... I am still a virgin because of it. MY friend ( a girl) had an hiv scare and it was so terrible to witness and the emergency medication etc. I had issues with hiv before but witnessing made me crazily scared. I am now 22 and still darent have sex