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A little bit confused by workplace etiquette and socializing Watch

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    I just recently come to the end of a work contract (Christmas temp) so I'm back on the job hunt. I was given both good and negative but constructive feedback, all in all I am happy with how things went and working there was a positive experience, most of the feedback did boost my confidence in that it allowed me to recognize my strengths as well as provide context on how I can tackle my weaknesses.

    There is just 1 piece of feedback that has confused me, that is that I need to open up more and be more sociable, to the point where there were some comments raised against me by the other staff, as well as a fabricated allegation that I separated myself from everyone in the break room which is just utter nonsense, I sat with whoever was there and chatted if they seemed like they felt like chatting.

    Ignoring the fabricated part, I'm not entirely sure what more I can do to socialize. When I am socializing with somebody, to me it feels perfectly natural (I'm not anxious or anything like that) and there's no indication that the other person isn't having a nice time. I am having a nice time and they act like they are, so it all seems good. Then I find out later they found me rude or ignorant because I didn't talk enough or was too quiet or withdrawn, yet all I remember is the good times and the socialization I don't remember being withdrawn, certainly didn't feel that way. I try to be conscious of how I come across to others so I'm left scratching my head as to what I might have done (or not done) for them to form such an opinion.

    At work I had to be sociable. I had to help customers, I never had any customers who were terribly rude because I think I offered them satisfactory customer service, or if they started out rude they softened up after I helped them. But it seems with that kind of socializing I don't have problems. I've even had customers try to tip me (I couldn't accept it though as I could have lost my job) so it seems these issues only seem to crop up when I'm getting to know people over the long term.

    The confusion possibly arises from me simply not recognizing what makes others uncomfortable. Long silences are one of the ones I had to discover for myself that people don't like, so I do my beat to fill those silences so people will know I'm not secretly plotting against them or whatever paranoid thoughts they have about quiet people. Me though? I have no opinion of long silences, they're just there and I don't see why they are threatening to some people. Took me a while to figure out. What else might I have not figured out yet? Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can try to avoid doing (or maybe suggestions of things you shouldn't forget to do) when socializing, especially as part of a work team?
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    (Original post by Powpowpowpowpow)
    I just recently come to the end of a work contract (Christmas temp) so I'm back on the job hunt. I was given both good and negative but constructive feedback, all in all I am happy with how things went and working there was a positive experience, most of the feedback did boost my confidence in that it allowed me to recognize my strengths as well as provide context on how I can tackle my weaknesses.

    There is just 1 piece of feedback that has confused me, that is that I need to open up more and be more sociable, to the point where there were some comments raised against me by the other staff, as well as a fabricated allegation that I separated myself from everyone in the break room which is just utter nonsense, I sat with whoever was there and chatted if they seemed like they felt like chatting.

    Ignoring the fabricated part, I'm not entirely sure what more I can do to socialize. When I am socializing with somebody, to me it feels perfectly natural (I'm not anxious or anything like that) and there's no indication that the other person isn't having a nice time. I am having a nice time and they act like they are, so it all seems good. Then I find out later they found me rude or ignorant because I didn't talk enough or was too quiet or withdrawn, yet all I remember is the good times and the socialization I don't remember being withdrawn, certainly didn't feel that way. I try to be conscious of how I come across to others so I'm left scratching my head as to what I might have done (or not done) for them to form such an opinion.

    At work I had to be sociable. I had to help customers, I never had any customers who were terribly rude because I think I offered them satisfactory customer service, or if they started out rude they softened up after I helped them. But it seems with that kind of socializing I don't have problems. I've even had customers try to tip me (I couldn't accept it though as I could have lost my job) so it seems these issues only seem to crop up when I'm getting to know people over the long term.

    The confusion possibly arises from me simply not recognizing what makes others uncomfortable. Long silences are one of the ones I had to discover for myself that people don't like, so I do my beat to fill those silences so people will know I'm not secretly plotting against them or whatever paranoid thoughts they have about quiet people. Me though? I have no opinion of long silences, they're just there and I don't see why they are threatening to some people. Took me a while to figure out. What else might I have not figured out yet? Does anyone have any suggestions of things I can try to avoid doing (or maybe suggestions of things you shouldn't forget to do) when socializing, especially as part of a work team?
    When you speak, what is their body language saying? Is it quite open? Do they feel forced to talk to you? Maybe you're both there for a very long time, so awkward silences are there...? Are you talking about things which make them uncomfortable? There's a number of things which could be possible.

    You could think of some things to say beforehand, then when a conversation dies down, start another topic. Or perhaps not be there too long, so that the conversation doesn't have time to die. There's a few things, but honestly, just try not to try so hard. For me personally, I do my job, get in, get out. If there's someone already in the kitchen, I'd say hi, that's it. I don't care about their evening, their weekend, their children's new school... I really cba to make small talk with my colleagues, because the way I see it, if I lost my job tomorrow, no one would genuinely care. I have my real friends from uni and from home to speak to.
 
 
 
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