Being told to smile or "cheer up luv" on the street by men
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Original post by D_ecrivaine
My face without any expression, in a relaxed state is naturally very serious and I don't know why I should have to change that
Posted from TSR Mobile
Posted from TSR Mobile
[video="youtube;y6Sxv-sUYtM"]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM[/video]
Original post by Emily.97
Yes. I find it really insensitive.. What if you had just lost a loved one or had experienced a break up? They have no right to ultimately tell you how you should or shouldn't be feeling. I find it patronising too.
I always think this too, its actually potentially a really thoughtless thing to say to a complete stranger when you have no idea why they might be down and it is also a ridiculous thing to say to someone when you think about it, do these morons expect people to be grinning inanely all day, cause that's gonna get tiring surely?
Original post by Olie
I always think this too, its actually potentially a really thoughtless thing to say to a complete stranger when you have no idea why they might be down and it is also a ridiculous thing to say to someone when you think about it, do these morons expect people to be grinning inanely all day, cause that's gonna get tiring surely?
Exactly!!! I remember a man doing it once to me and, to be honest, he said it in a very condescending way as if he was trying to find an opportunity to patronise someone. In some cases it is that, more than actually caring about how someone is actually feeling. The *****.
I was walking home once when a man approached me all smiling and asked me for the directions to town. Literally all he had to do was walk through the park and go right. I was going the other way but he still proceeded to follow me for a while and tried to start a conversation which was pretty terrifying since he was at least six foot and I'm only average in height. He only backed off when I approached a woman and asked her if she could just pretend to talk to me for a minute because this man was following me. I saw him again a few weeks later while I was walking home again and turned around to go back to college and find a friend to walk me home.
And I was also harassed by guys in school since I was around 10. It was fine in Year 5 when I was taller than them but in secondary school and college, I did not appreciate it when they were a lot bigger than me or pervy teachers.
So I don't really appreciate being approached in public by strange men. Thankfully, I get left alone now, most of the time.
And I was also harassed by guys in school since I was around 10. It was fine in Year 5 when I was taller than them but in secondary school and college, I did not appreciate it when they were a lot bigger than me or pervy teachers.
So I don't really appreciate being approached in public by strange men. Thankfully, I get left alone now, most of the time.
Original post by Messiah Complex
Still so much nonsense being spouted on here. I just think it's telling that if you go and speak to women in wider society they don't have these over exaggerated opinions of men being predatory opportunists waiting for the perfect time to rape women. They don't believe all the nonsense of rape culture and so forth. They just get on with their lives and enjoy it rather than letting the small chance of something horrific happening consume them and eat away at them. Rapists and other evil criminals of all kind will always exist. People who want to murder will do it. People who want to rape will do it. It might come as a shock to you but these aren't the type of people to see a campaign and go, 'Well I never saw it that way. I think I'll just stop attacking women now because that Oxbridge student held up a placard for 2 hours'. They don't care. The only men who will listen to your campaigns are non criminals who wouldn't rape in the first place.
You need to come to terms with the fact that its a MINORITY that commits these disgusting crimes and the stats prove that. And if it isn't reported, it isn't rape. I go by the legal standards of proof, not ones you've conjured up in your mind.
These people either need to get a job, a life or both. Ironically, these women probably have so much time to do all of this because they have whipped husbands who provide for their privileged backsides. Makes me cringe how so many guys act in this way due to insecurities like that guy from the Hangover films.
Wow, you sure showed him with that mature response. Tell me something, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Thats why multinationals employ more foreigners. Go to Lidl or whatever and the polish women always smile and are really nice and happy. Customer service is important. British people tend to think they're above certain jobs and moan about it. The work ethic in Britain is appalling and if immigrants didn't come into this country in their droves our economy would collapse and ironically it'd be the lazy Brits who'd be the first ones moaning that they're welfare laden backsides are no longer being provided for. British people are generally terrible at customer service and I'd rather a smiling foreigner who couldn't utter a word of English than a moody British person sat there like the world just took a giant **** on them.
You need to come to terms with the fact that its a MINORITY that commits these disgusting crimes and the stats prove that. And if it isn't reported, it isn't rape. I go by the legal standards of proof, not ones you've conjured up in your mind.
These people either need to get a job, a life or both. Ironically, these women probably have so much time to do all of this because they have whipped husbands who provide for their privileged backsides. Makes me cringe how so many guys act in this way due to insecurities like that guy from the Hangover films.
Wow, you sure showed him with that mature response. Tell me something, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Thats why multinationals employ more foreigners. Go to Lidl or whatever and the polish women always smile and are really nice and happy. Customer service is important. British people tend to think they're above certain jobs and moan about it. The work ethic in Britain is appalling and if immigrants didn't come into this country in their droves our economy would collapse and ironically it'd be the lazy Brits who'd be the first ones moaning that they're welfare laden backsides are no longer being provided for. British people are generally terrible at customer service and I'd rather a smiling foreigner who couldn't utter a word of English than a moody British person sat there like the world just took a giant **** on them.
Cheer up!
Original post by Calpurnia
Cheer up!
I'm always Happy. I play Pharrell Williams - Happy in my car on loop 365 days a year. It might seem crazy what i'm about to say...........
Original post by Messiah Complex
I'm always Happy. I play Pharrell Williams - Happy in my car on loop 365 days a year. It might seem crazy what i'm about to say...........
Well you should wind the windows down, or the guy in the car next to you might not realise you're having so much fun!
Original post by Calpurnia
Well you should wind the windows down, or the guy in the car next to you might not realise you're having so much fun!
I don't have windows on my car. I need it nice and open so I can shout 'CHEER UP LOVE' at the women I drive passed.
Original post by DeadGirlsDance
Anyone else really fed up with being constantly told to cheer up or to smile by complete strangers? 
It always seems to be scummy old men or chavs who feel like they can say this 
I used to find it funny and awkward but it's happening most times I go out now. It's especially annoying because I'm actually really happy. Are we just meant to be walking along the street grinning all the time?
Have any guys had this happen to them? Is it only men that say this or has a woman said something similar to you?
It always seems to be scummy old men or chavs who feel like they can say this I used to find it funny and awkward but it's happening most times I go out now. It's especially annoying because I'm actually really happy. Are we just meant to be walking along the street grinning all the time?
Have any guys had this happen to them? Is it only men that say this or has a woman said something similar to you?
Just reply "do you even lift".
@ DeadGirlsDance
Part of the answer is in the question, so-to-speak.
A quick web search turns up:
Chav (/ˈtʃæv/ CHAV) is a pejorative epithet used in Britain to describe a particular stereotype. The word was popularised in the first decade of the 21st century by the British mass media to refer to an anti-social youth subculture in the United Kingdom.
SCUMMY
1.getting seriously intoxicated, usually off a combination of marijuana and alcohol.
2.the way you look after a long night of getting wasted, usually dirty, nasty.
1.Yo, you wanna roll? Me and the boys are getting scummy tonight.
2.Them hoes look scummy as hell!
Now, the "social smile" is one of the earliest milestones in child development, causing concerns if not developed at the expected age, which long before a baby learns to talk, walk, sit up or feed himself or herself. But to some extent, even babies are choosy about whose smiles at them they reciprocate, and have to be taught to adopt this superficial friendliness indiscriminately, a skill that many lose later in life.
Because the babies haven't learnt to talk yet, we cannot ask them their criteria for deciding whom, amongst the majority of the population who cannot help themselves smile at babes of a certain age. However, you have given us (and yourself, if you read what you wrote) a strong clue what *your* criteria are for rejecting the social smiles of others. The people who smile at you, whose smiles you do not return, are more likely to be male than female. They are more likely to be old than young. And they are people whom you have judged, assigning them, in your mind, to stereotypes, such as grubby, tired, drunk and stoned ("scummy") or anti-social youth ("chavs").
So, the people whom you offend, by not reciprocating their social smiles, unsurprisingly turn out to be the sort of people who make comments that are intended to let you know that your behaviour falls short of their social norm expectations.
If you always smile back at everybody who smiles at you (like some babies do), then nobody will ever say anything like that to you ever again. If there are certain perceived demographics (or stereotypes) that you dislike enough not to smile back at the smiling strangers concerned (about all of whom you given away that you make instant judgments, such as estimating their age, gender, chaviness or scumminess), all of the minority of those offended by your loss of the "social smile" skill that marked a key stage of your child development before you learnt to walk, talk, sit up or feed yourself, about the time when your diet stopped consisting entirely of breast milk in fact.
Learn the "dismissive smile" that people give one another on the Tube in London, whenever accidental eye contact is made between random passengers. The smile that says, better than words, "oh, we've seen one another, and we are merely strangers, not enemies; so I suppose we'd better both give a token smile; it's the custom; but neither of us is up for a 'getting to know one another' first conversation; no need to exchange words" I must have given and received a dozen or more dismissive smiles like that, on the Central Line today. Back home, in Cornwall, people don't do the "dismissive smile" thing very often. Cultures vary. Most often, it happens when a man who doesn't feel old, and has forgotten that he looks old, smiles at a young woman.
Try it. A dismissive smile takes only about a fifth of a second, uses negligible calories, and prevents offence. If that doesn't solve your problem, I don't know what will, but at least your problem is not as bad as some of the other problems people have, especially in other countries, where people often have very little to smile about. As you have said, you are "happy".
By the way, I joined this forum because there was a topic I wanted to comment on several months ago. I'm not actually a student. I am a grandfather of eight. Hence the "lecture". :-)
Part of the answer is in the question, so-to-speak.
A quick web search turns up:
Chav (/ˈtʃæv/ CHAV) is a pejorative epithet used in Britain to describe a particular stereotype. The word was popularised in the first decade of the 21st century by the British mass media to refer to an anti-social youth subculture in the United Kingdom.
SCUMMY
1.getting seriously intoxicated, usually off a combination of marijuana and alcohol.
2.the way you look after a long night of getting wasted, usually dirty, nasty.
1.Yo, you wanna roll? Me and the boys are getting scummy tonight.
2.Them hoes look scummy as hell!
Now, the "social smile" is one of the earliest milestones in child development, causing concerns if not developed at the expected age, which long before a baby learns to talk, walk, sit up or feed himself or herself. But to some extent, even babies are choosy about whose smiles at them they reciprocate, and have to be taught to adopt this superficial friendliness indiscriminately, a skill that many lose later in life.
Because the babies haven't learnt to talk yet, we cannot ask them their criteria for deciding whom, amongst the majority of the population who cannot help themselves smile at babes of a certain age. However, you have given us (and yourself, if you read what you wrote) a strong clue what *your* criteria are for rejecting the social smiles of others. The people who smile at you, whose smiles you do not return, are more likely to be male than female. They are more likely to be old than young. And they are people whom you have judged, assigning them, in your mind, to stereotypes, such as grubby, tired, drunk and stoned ("scummy") or anti-social youth ("chavs").
So, the people whom you offend, by not reciprocating their social smiles, unsurprisingly turn out to be the sort of people who make comments that are intended to let you know that your behaviour falls short of their social norm expectations.
If you always smile back at everybody who smiles at you (like some babies do), then nobody will ever say anything like that to you ever again. If there are certain perceived demographics (or stereotypes) that you dislike enough not to smile back at the smiling strangers concerned (about all of whom you given away that you make instant judgments, such as estimating their age, gender, chaviness or scumminess), all of the minority of those offended by your loss of the "social smile" skill that marked a key stage of your child development before you learnt to walk, talk, sit up or feed yourself, about the time when your diet stopped consisting entirely of breast milk in fact.
Learn the "dismissive smile" that people give one another on the Tube in London, whenever accidental eye contact is made between random passengers. The smile that says, better than words, "oh, we've seen one another, and we are merely strangers, not enemies; so I suppose we'd better both give a token smile; it's the custom; but neither of us is up for a 'getting to know one another' first conversation; no need to exchange words" I must have given and received a dozen or more dismissive smiles like that, on the Central Line today. Back home, in Cornwall, people don't do the "dismissive smile" thing very often. Cultures vary. Most often, it happens when a man who doesn't feel old, and has forgotten that he looks old, smiles at a young woman.
Try it. A dismissive smile takes only about a fifth of a second, uses negligible calories, and prevents offence. If that doesn't solve your problem, I don't know what will, but at least your problem is not as bad as some of the other problems people have, especially in other countries, where people often have very little to smile about. As you have said, you are "happy".
By the way, I joined this forum because there was a topic I wanted to comment on several months ago. I'm not actually a student. I am a grandfather of eight. Hence the "lecture". :-)
Original post by John Allman
...
I don't know. I have observed this behaviour and in most cases it has nothing to do with the behaviour of the recipient because it is quite obviously intended as an invasive and condescending (even intimidating) act toward someone who is otherwise completely passive in order to incite a reaction or cause discomfort.
You don't genuinely expect a smile from someone with whom you have not had any form of contact (including eye contact).
This happens to me ALL THE TIME and it was actually starting to really upset me. Being told things like 'cheer up' 'give us a smile love' or 'smile it might never happen' by people who don't even know me! Naturally I'm a really happy, optimistic person so being told things like this is quite annoying. As others have said its only ever men that say it to me, no woman ever has. Also what gets me about it is how do they know what I might be sad about?? For all they know I've just been to a funeral or something and there telling me to cheer up?? It makes me so angry 😡😡😡
Original post by Sadessss
This happens to me ALL THE TIME and it was actually starting to really upset me. Being told things like 'cheer up' 'give us a smile love' or 'smile it might never happen' by people who don't even know me! Naturally I'm a really happy, optimistic person so being told things like this is quite annoying. As others have said its only ever men that say it to me, no woman ever has. Also what gets me about it is how do they know what I might be sad about?? For all they know I've just been to a funeral or something and there telling me to cheer up?? It makes me so angry
https://twitter.com/search?q=told%20to%20cheer%20up&src=typd - this is quite funny. it seems to be a real problem in society too.
People really need to see things from the other person's point of view.
Telling people what to feel is a violation of their privacy.
This is probably the most in depth article on this matter, and is a fascinating read
http://eqi.org/invalid.htm
(edited 9 years ago)
I've been tolerating this for 20 years. Because of my skin type I have deep furrows which has left me with a frozen expression, so my natural relaxed face means I look angry or pissed off all the time. What they are in reality are lines of wisdom. Those two words 'cheer up' make me cringe. I used to get really upset about it, in fact people have actually put me in a bad mood, so they've acheived the opposite of what they said. I try let it not bother me anymore as I know they're not gonna stop. I agree it's a completely thoughtless thing to say to anybody. The bottom line is we live in a society where people simply do not think before they speak. What annoys me more than anything is they're too ignorant to realise I can't help it, it's obvious that I have permanent deep frownlines on my face. The way I deal with these people now is I simply blank them and show them the same ignorance.
Original post by Messiah Complex
No. Im generally just a really happy person when I'm about and like to talk to others and make them happy. Sorry if my positivity offends. I can understand why you're not though dedicating your entire life to white knighting like **** on here to seek approval from people you'll never meet. I hope it works out for you.
SO ARE WE!!!!! And therein is the problem, people like you just don't see it. behind my face I love having a laugh with friends and am a natural happy person. I'm also a hard thinker and have studied hard over the years. I call my frown lines, lines of wisdom. You'll just tell me to cheer up.
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