Persuasive Underage Drinking Essay Help

I have to write a piece of coursework on underage drinking, here is my draft 1,Is there any way to improve? Thanks
Alcohol .Some say it is fun, sociable and helps boost confidence. Little do they know the possible life threatening dangers of the substance. Alcohol does not only affect an individual it affects their families. Drinking alcohol has a similar affect on your body as eating pure fat. It's a fact. In today's society teenagers are now getting involved in the drug known as alcohol, which is scandalous, unwanted and ill-flavoured.
Some may find it a shock that underage drinking is against the law. This is definitely the reason behind why teenagers might find themselves drinking alcohol in a dark park. Imagine you are walking your dog or your child through the park and all of a sudden it is riddled with swear words blasting out of the drunken teens mouth while you are with your child or all alone with your dog. How would this make you feel? Threatened, intimidated?
When teenagers drink they drink less often that adults but when they do they drink a lot more than adults, which can be classed as binge drinking. Being under the influence is threatening behaviour to the general public. Teenagers get drunk a lot easier than adults, but they don't seem to know this and its almost as if they are trying to say "Look, I can drink more than my parents!" and brag to their friends. Threatening their life, alcohol affects nearly every vital organ in the body, while the body is growing fast this is not a good idea.
The impaired judgment which is what you buy in a bottle of alcohol is threatening the public, teenagers don't know when to stop drinking, they could do things they will regret massively, unprotected sex, vandalism and drug involvement they would not do these things sober. Yet still have no control over themselves. Would you like this to happen to your child? So just think again when you buy "just" the couple of bottles your teenager, think of the threats to them, the family, and society. Yet teenagers still want to be an adult and enjoy themselves with alcohol. Someone saying alcohol is fun needs a reality check.
With the legal drinking age at 18, 87% of 16 and 17 year olds have tried alcohol. If the legal age is lowered there would be 87% of 13 and 14 year olds trying alcohol and so on. This would be sickening, appalling and disgraceful. Especially at 14 to 15. When people say "drinking is good its sociable" it's just not that simple. Immaturity is a big thing at that age group. They keep on drinking, keep on drinking till they can't drink anymore, just for a laugh. Imagine having to look after your child in a potentially life threatening position before their life has even begun? These wild years have a massive impact on life and needs to be controlled.
I bet you did not know that 1 in 7 of 15 to 16 year olds have been in a accident of some sort purely due to the lack of control over their body alcohol has given them. 40% of 15 to 16 year olds think it is ok to get drunk on a weekly basis. I see this as disturbing, horrid and unbelievable. The worst part is that we just don't know the effects alcohol has on children in later life yet. It is comparable to smoking in the 60's. Everyone just thought it was the norm and look now, millions of people have died due to smoking 60 years on. Teenagers are not responsible enough to understand what they are doing to themselves.
In conclusion we as a community need to control this problem more. You must warn others of the dangers for their own wellbeing. It is a joke that people can say drink alcohol to calm you down. The facts are simple. Alcohol is a drug and affects you and your body in multiple ways. So just imagine when you walk through the park and teenagers are stumbling, making you feel threatened and scared, what can you do to protect your child from becoming one of them? Just remember the long term affects...