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Last night my girlfriend and I broke up. We were together for 3 years and 5 months. watch

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    Last night my girlfriend and I broke up. We were together for 3 years and 5 months.

    She was my whole life and I thought I was hers. We went through three years at University together and then in September we moved into our first ‘proper’ home together as a working couple and not students. I got a job as a lecturer (this is why we moved to the area) and for the first month my girlfriend was looking for a job. She found one – it was quite a journey from where we lived but my girlfriend seemed to absolutely love it. She got on really well with the people and I was so pleased for her! Her job and the people there seemed to be a big part of her life very quickly (two weeks?). Not that this was an issue, but there seemed to be a lot of lesbians working with my girlfriend. I did not have a problem with this, and would joke with my girlfriend about it a little. She got close to one of the girls (happens to be a lesbian) very quickly, again, around two weeks. My girlfriend was calling her, her best friend and I did say well, this is happening very quickly but she told me this is what girls are like. I could see from social media that, in my opinion, they were flirting. I talked to her about this and she promised that this is just what girls are like. I told her that I knew (I thought I knew anyway) that my girlfriend was just doing it to be friendly but she has to be careful that her ‘best friend’ does not see it in any other way. Anyway, I lost this battle. They continued to be close and I was happy that my girlfriend had got a good friend and she was happy at work. I was still a little anxious that my girlfriend’s friendliness was coming across as flirting to her ‘best friend’ but I thought, what was the worst that could happen? She comes onto my girlfriend and my girlfriend backs away.

    It is important to add that in my eyes me and my girlfriend were near perfect. We fell in love with each other the first moment we saw each other and we went through such a journey at university and now moving into our first proper flat.

    To cut an already long story a little shorter, last night, my whole world collapsed and she admitted to me that she has feelings for her ‘best friend’ and finds her ‘attractive’. The funny thing is, I could not care less if this was a girl or boy, but my girlfriend, the girl who I planned my whole future with, has told me she has feelings for someone else. Apparently, my girlfriend informed her ‘best friend’ and they had a heart to heart but nothing could happen because she has a boyfriend (well did). Not only has my girlfriend admitted feelings for someone else and told this person but it is also a girl. I feel confused and upset but I did not get angry once. I feel sorry for her. I still love her and care for her but I know we can’t be together anymore. Not particularly for having feelings for a girl (In my honest opinion, my girlfriend is not a lesbian or bi sexual but has just been accepted into work so well and fits in that she almost adapted herself to fit in with her friends and the people who are nice to her), but having feelings for someone else and telling them.

    It is hard to describe our relationship but we were so close and we often used to say ‘us against the world’. We were a team and we were building a life together. We were going to grow old together. Now it’s over. I am now alone in the flat we rented together as she goes back to her parents. I have 8 months alone, in a new place, with a new career and missing the love of my life. I am not sure if I am really looking for advice or what advice this is, it just feels good to get my thoughts down.

    I still have not accepted it is over. We have broken up and she has gone home, but we both were really upset and it was absolutely heart breaking to say goodbye. Since the first day we met, we have had contact every single day without fail. I know this need to stop for a while and it’s going to be so tough, especially as I am literally alone where I live. But a part of me is still hoping, in a month’s time, both having space between each other and for her to get her head together and experience life without me and maybe, experience the life with her ‘new best friends’ is not what she wants. However, I am not even sure if it will ever work out after this. I am not sure what advice/feedback I am after, but it felt good to get my thoughts down.
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    Ahh man thats terrible. I hope you manage to move on and find someone else soon. I can empathise with your feelings and admire the way you have thought through things so clearly at such a difficult time.
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    I completely feel for you and understand how awful you must be feeling, but believe me you've dodged a bullet. Something like this would have happened sooner or later, and it's better it's happened now whilst you're still young and you don't have as extreme commitments e.g. living together. Keep that in mind as you try to come to terms with things over the coming months.
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    So what. It's over man, you have to accept it. She doesn't love you, she doesn't want you. She wants someone else. She's free to do that, she can do what she wants. No need for you to be angry or upset. Just find another woman. Nothing lasts forever, you should always prepare yourself for the possibility that someone is going to reject you and leave you. Don't take it so hard, just be happy. Find another girl to have sex with and you'll forget about her in a week.

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    Haha thanks so much for the feedback guys it did make me smile! . 'tough love' is always good IMO. Just to note, I must have left it out, that we did live together - she moved out this morning. Also, its hard because she is saying she does love me, she did not want to break up, she still wanted to be with me and she begged me to say its not forever and their still may be a chance. It hurts because I do agree I did 'dodge a bullet' but I do really feel that she was my soul mate. However, I know that it is still very fresh and most of you think this is just break up BS haha, but it feels very real at the moment.
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    Reserved. (will reply when back).
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    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    Find another girl to have sex with and you'll forget about her in a week.

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    Strong virgin logic
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    You will be okay! You are young and now you a truly ready to see the world. Trust me that this big wide world is full of women who will truly love you. You seem like a lovely person, I don't think you will have any problem finding a woman who loves you. Honestly move on from this, you really had no control over this situation. Do not spend the next 8 months feeling depressed and lonely, truly not worth it.
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    (Original post by IBBWI)
    Last night my girlfriend and I broke up. We were together for 3 years and 5 months.

    She was my whole life and I thought I was hers. We went through three years at University together and then in September we moved into our first ‘proper’ home together as a working couple and not students. I got a job as a lecturer (this is why we moved to the area) and for the first month my girlfriend was looking for a job. She found one – it was quite a journey from where we lived but my girlfriend seemed to absolutely love it. She got on really well with the people and I was so pleased for her! Her job and the people there seemed to be a big part of her life very quickly (two weeks?). Not that this was an issue, but there seemed to be a lot of lesbians working with my girlfriend. I did not have a problem with this, and would joke with my girlfriend about it a little. She got close to one of the girls (happens to be a lesbian) very quickly, again, around two weeks. My girlfriend was calling her, her best friend and I did say well, this is happening very quickly but she told me this is what girls are like. I could see from social media that, in my opinion, they were flirting. I talked to her about this and she promised that this is just what girls are like. I told her that I knew (I thought I knew anyway) that my girlfriend was just doing it to be friendly but she has to be careful that her ‘best friend’ does not see it in any other way. Anyway, I lost this battle. They continued to be close and I was happy that my girlfriend had got a good friend and she was happy at work. I was still a little anxious that my girlfriend’s friendliness was coming across as flirting to her ‘best friend’ but I thought, what was the worst that could happen? She comes onto my girlfriend and my girlfriend backs away.

    It is important to add that in my eyes me and my girlfriend were near perfect. We fell in love with each other the first moment we saw each other and we went through such a journey at university and now moving into our first proper flat.

    To cut an already long story a little shorter, last night, my whole world collapsed and she admitted to me that she has feelings for her ‘best friend’ and finds her ‘attractive’. The funny thing is, I could not care less if this was a girl or boy, but my girlfriend, the girl who I planned my whole future with, has told me she has feelings for someone else. Apparently, my girlfriend informed her ‘best friend’ and they had a heart to heart but nothing could happen because she has a boyfriend (well did). Not only has my girlfriend admitted feelings for someone else and told this person but it is also a girl. I feel confused and upset but I did not get angry once. I feel sorry for her. I still love her and care for her but I know we can’t be together anymore. Not particularly for having feelings for a girl (In my honest opinion, my girlfriend is not a lesbian or bi sexual but has just been accepted into work so well and fits in that she almost adapted herself to fit in with her friends and the people who are nice to her), but having feelings for someone else and telling them.

    It is hard to describe our relationship but we were so close and we often used to say ‘us against the world’. We were a team and we were building a life together. We were going to grow old together. Now it’s over. I am now alone in the flat we rented together as she goes back to her parents. I have 8 months alone, in a new place, with a new career and missing the love of my life. I am not sure if I am really looking for advice or what advice this is, it just feels good to get my thoughts down.

    I still have not accepted it is over. We have broken up and she has gone home, but we both were really upset and it was absolutely heart breaking to say goodbye. Since the first day we met, we have had contact every single day without fail. I know this need to stop for a while and it’s going to be so tough, especially as I am literally alone where I live. But a part of me is still hoping, in a month’s time, both having space between each other and for her to get her head together and experience life without me and maybe, experience the life with her ‘new best friends’ is not what she wants. However, I am not even sure if it will ever work out after this. I am not sure what advice/feedback I am after, but it felt good to get my thoughts down.
    Bad luck, **** happens, move on and don't ****ing whine about it.
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    Thanks so much for the honest advice guys.
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    I'd say make a promise to yourself not to contact her for explanations or any clarification. Gave her some space and I suspect she'll wake up to the fact that she's made a mistake and been confused. Don't do anything that might drive her further away in the meantime though....be as graceful as you can. 3 years is a long time and it doesn't sound like this has been well thought through on her part. I don't want to give you false hope but you only broke up yesterday so there is some time to wait and see what happens.
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    Here is the real advice. The majority of people that replied saying "get over it" and acting as if to say to you to just shut up and get on with it, well their just being immature and to be quite frank, I can near enough guarantee that they've never been in any serious long term relationship. Discard their advice.

    I think it'll take time to get over it. And you should take time. Grieving isn't a bad thing. It is a natural process to help you get over things. The best way I find to get over disappointment is to do something I enjoy such as meet friends, watch a film, play a game etc. Keeping yourself busy is crucial. Also, the fact that you suggest that she just gave up on 3 years of a relationship after a measly three weeks suggests to me that she is acting on a crush rather than anything serious and I suspect, or rather at least hope, she does come to her senses and reunites with you. One thing I will say is this, at least she was honest and told you. It could have been a lot worse so take heart from that.
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    I went through this with an ex-boyfriend (except he had feelings for a girl) so can completely empathise with how you are feeling. It actually happened twice in the relationship - 6 months in and then 3 years later. After the first time he admitted he had feelings for someone else everyone told me to just let him go, he wasn't worth my time. I, however, went against this and begged him to stay, gave him some space and he changed his mind. Looking back it was the worst thing I could have done - it caused so many trust issues and I always felt not good enough. Also our relationship ended completely due to him having feelings for and starting a relationship with someone else, so I guess I should have took the first time as a warning sign. The fact that your ex begged you to say its not forever is promising though

    Its an old cliche to say this but give it time - keep yourself busy and in time I promise you things will get better. While there is no point analysing and spectating about the situation, I feel if she's given space she might realise it was foolish. She was going through big changes in moving to a new place with you etc so maybe freaked out a little and her new friendships were a way of escaping her worries - which are completely normal after a big commitment like living together.

    BUT make sure you don't spend your time waiting around for her to change her mind - this will most likely only lead to disappointment. Get on with your life and try your best to find friends in your new area. You are only young and although it might seem messy and heartbreaking now, you are much better breaking up now rather than in years to come when there may be marriage and kids involved!
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    I read that the more partners a woman has, the less bonded she gets to get current partner and the divorce rate for girls who've had 5 or more partners is 80%.

    I hate to hurt you with science, but most women are not going to work out for men in the modern world.

    Chin up though. She will miss you and regret what she did. Lesbian relationships turn sour pretty quickly.

    At that point, I hope you are man enough to tell her to **** off.
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    (Original post by IBBWI)
    Haha thanks so much for the feedback guys it did make me smile! . 'tough love' is always good IMO. Just to note, I must have left it out, that we did live together - she moved out this morning. Also, its hard because she is saying she does love me, she did not want to break up, she still wanted to be with me and she begged me to say its not forever and their still may be a chance. It hurts because I do agree I did 'dodge a bullet' but I do really feel that she was my soul mate. However, I know that it is still very fresh and most of you think this is just break up BS haha, but it feels very real at the moment.
    I like to believe that everything happens for a reason. If she truly is your soulmate, you will end up back together. If not, it wasn't meant to be. I completely understand that it's painful. Breakups are awful in general, and she went and made it even worse by having feelings for someone else. But people make mistakes. Give it time.
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    What a selfish biz-nay-ee.
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    I don't know what to say. on the one hand, you were together for 3.5 years but she didn't seem to value that when she had feelings for the best friend. On the other hand, from what I have read, they didn't seem to have done anything sexual which is usually the decision maker. So perhaps it's just a transient crush?
    Usually when I read relationship threads, it's quite clear how the thread starter should respond. In this case, it's really up to you.
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    Hi. I just want to add my thoughts here as it sounds like a huge deal for you. I will admit I've not had a LTR before so you'll have to bear with me, but my thoughts on serious relationships are that you only have one shot. I don't mean one good relationship in your whole life, you can have many. But once a person breaks your trust that's it for them. No second chances or getting back together. It's different if you end things mutually, but this doesn't fit.

    Best thing for now would be to try to stop all contact and focus on yourself, not the other person. Do you have many friends locally you can spend time with? Can you afford to keep living in this flat by yourself? Do you want to keep living in the same area at all? How are things at work? Try to make plans for this next week. Then for what you'll do throughout February. Then the next year.

    Once you can make these short and medium term plans you can regain some focus and drive in your life after having it knocked out of you like this. Maybe focus on your career for a while. A three year relationship ending might mean it takes you a while to feel ready again. Whatever you focus on, good luck to you.
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    (Original post by 41b)
    I read that the more partners a woman has, the less bonded she gets to get current partner and the divorce rate for girls who've had 5 or more partners is 80%.

    I hate to hurt you with science, but most women are not going to work out for men in the modern world.

    Chin up though. She will miss you and regret what she did. Lesbian relationships turn sour pretty quickly.

    At that point, I hope you are man enough to tell her to **** off.
    Been in many lesbian relationships have you?


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    It could be hard on the OP really; if I were the OP and I really loved my partner, I'd wonder if I'd take them back if the exact thing happened to me : /

    I probably asked them to give me some time for myself and think about it. If I did take them back, I'd need total assurance that it would never happen again.

    I believe that a committed relationship is that; committed. One can have crushes towards the odd celebrity or thinking that some random folk is good looking but to have feelings for them and throwing what we have built for the past years is just beyond my patience really : /
 
 
 
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