Beginning to think I'm undateable
Last year/this year I met 5 guys:
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know.
Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
•
*Guy use to work for F1 Red Bull *met on Tinder in February 14* - Had 3 dates, now FwB, and it'll never be anything more
•
*Body Building fanatic - met on Tinder during summer 14. Had 3 dates. On the 3rd date he literally tried to have full blown sex with me in a random field, even though I said I wasn't interested in him in that way
•
*Royal Navy guy - met on PoF in December 14. 1 date - 27 yrs old, but has the mental age of a 4 year old
•
*DJ guy - met on PoF in December 14. 2 dates - most recent bloke I have dated, but I really do not know what has happened?! Last spoke on Wednesday, heard nothing since although he said I was the highlight of his day on our dinner date on Tuesday!
•
*Former work colleague - known for years. Used me as a rebound while he was on a break from his then ex gf - this I did not know.
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know. Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
Scroll to see replies
First, you're looking in the wrong places. Online does not work. Go to a bar. Go to parties. If anything internet derived, go to the dating events set up and meets people there.
Dating is a numbers game. You should do these simultaneously and date multiple men. + Don't settle for just anything just because you're biological clock is ticking. Yes you're travelling further from your peak years but does not mean you blame yourself or settle for someone because you think you cannot get better and end up divorced.
- Sidenote: Men that talk loads at dates are the insecure ones. They feel they need to impress you as they don't believe in themselves. In a date a man should be asking you questions, finding out about you and making jokes/ teasing you on what you've said if not asking follow up questions.
Dating is a numbers game. You should do these simultaneously and date multiple men. + Don't settle for just anything just because you're biological clock is ticking. Yes you're travelling further from your peak years but does not mean you blame yourself or settle for someone because you think you cannot get better and end up divorced.
- Sidenote: Men that talk loads at dates are the insecure ones. They feel they need to impress you as they don't believe in themselves. In a date a man should be asking you questions, finding out about you and making jokes/ teasing you on what you've said if not asking follow up questions.
(edited 9 years ago)
Original post by iAmanze
First, you're looking in the wrong places. Online does not work. Go to a bar. Go to parties. If anything internet derived, go to the dating events set up and meets people there.
Dating is a numbers game. You should do these simultaneously and date multiple men. + Don't settle for just anything just because you're biological clock is ticking. Yes you're travelling further from your peak years but does not mean you blame yourself or settle for someone because you think you cannot get better and end up divorced.
Dating is a numbers game. You should do these simultaneously and date multiple men. + Don't settle for just anything just because you're biological clock is ticking. Yes you're travelling further from your peak years but does not mean you blame yourself or settle for someone because you think you cannot get better and end up divorced.
Funnily enough, I went out just before christmas with a friend of mine, and I bumped into my cousin and his friends. There was about 10 of them, and it was in fact one of the best nights out I had had in a long time. One of them I have become friends with; natter with every so often. So I guess the whole bar thing does work
. . . The whole dating multiple men I just find weird, but also confusing! But on the other hand, I realise the above men I have dated have probably been dating multiple women as well, hence why none of them have come back to me (although on the grapevine, I hear/see on facebook none of them have secured gfs . . ).
No, I definitely don't want to settle for 'anything', I am very picky hence why I've only dated the 5 guys last year/beginning of this year.
Original post by shawn_o1
You should think of the benefits of not having a partner or kids at the age of 30.
Yes, I have been able to buy my dream pair of shoes . . which I know full well I wouldn't have been able to get if I had a brat running around the place! Although I wouldn't have a child now anyway; not maternally ready for all that right now! But the boyfriend bit I know I am ready for.
Original post by Anonymous
Last year/this year I met 5 guys:
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating? It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know.
Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
•
*Guy use to work for F1 Red Bull *met on Tinder in February 14* - Had 3 dates, now FwB, and it'll never be anything more
•
*Body Building fanatic - met on Tinder during summer 14. Had 3 dates. On the 3rd date he literally tried to have full blown sex with me in a random field, even though I said I wasn't interested in him in that way
•
*Royal Navy guy - met on PoF in December 14. 1 date - 27 yrs old, but has the mental age of a 4 year old
•
*DJ guy - met on PoF in December 14. 2 dates - most recent bloke I have dated, but I really do not know what has happened?! Last spoke on Wednesday, heard nothing since although he said I was the highlight of his day on our dinner date on Tuesday!
•
*Former work colleague - known for years. Used me as a rebound while he was on a break from his then ex gf - this I did not know.
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know. Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
You go out with cretins and losers. Why? Because you use tinder and pof and go for people who seemingly do crap jobs and are more concerned with how they look. You put out with people you barely know. In essence, yes it is you. You pick terrible people, you exercise dubious levels of restraint and are then surprised people aren't interested in you for the right reasons?
It just seems you still think you're 19.
I'm the same 
last guy I dated was a dick, last girl I dated was still in love with her ex
Posted from TSR Mobile
last guy I dated was a dick, last girl I dated was still in love with her ex
Posted from TSR Mobile
Why is this surprising to you? You're on POF and Tinder. What did you expect?
Original post by jenkinsear
You go out with cretins and losers. Why? Because you use tinder and pof and go for people who seemingly do crap jobs and are more concerned with how they look. You put out with people you barely know. In essence, yes it is you. You pick terrible people, you exercise dubious levels of restraint and are then surprised people aren't interested in you for the right reasons?
It just seems you still think you're 19.
It just seems you still think you're 19.
I have spoken with loads of guys on both sites (and in real life too). Just so happens I have met guys on said sites. I know it has a reputation and I did not intend for the F1 guy in particular to become a FwB situation! Even he said the same thing. In fact he is the only person I have been sleeping with on/off this year, no-one else. I don't sleep with multiple people.
I am also not concerned with how they look, infact I really couldn't give a flying monkeys. I am just picky in who I date - i.e. I don't date anything that says ''Yes, kiss my toes''. I have had some people in REAL life ask for dates but I have said no because I am not attracted to them.
Also what I have said to described these guys is NOT their actual jobs (for some of them). To protect their identity, I have changed a few details, which I believe I am entitled to do on a forum.
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch
Why is this surprising to you? You're on POF and Tinder. What did you expect?
It's effectively like someone who has drunk a bottle of vodka going "but why am I over the drink drive limit?!"
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch
Why is this surprising to you? You're on POF and Tinder. What did you expect?
Guys, I am not here to be judged. If you have nothing constructive to add to the thread, please say nothing at all.
I should add that I have met people in REAL life that have asked for dates. It just so happens that I am not attracted to them to warrant dating them.
Original post by Anonymous
Guys, I am not here to be judged. If you have nothing constructive to add to the thread, please say nothing at all.
I should add that I have met people in REAL life that have asked for dates. It just so happens that I am not attracted to them to warrant dating them.
I should add that I have met people in REAL life that have asked for dates. It just so happens that I am not attracted to them to warrant dating them.
I reckon that was constructive if a bit short. Look elsewhere for 'normal' people.
Original post by Anonymous
I have spoken with loads of guys on both sites (and in real life too). Just so happens I have met guys on said sites. I know it has a reputation and I did not intend for the F1 guy in particular to become a FwB situation!
The majority of guys on tinder/pof are not looking for anything other than easy hook ups. They are hungry and you are their meat, you need to understand that.
Original post by Anonymous
Even he said the same thing. In fact he is the only person I have been sleeping with on/off this year, no-one else. I don't sleep with multiple people.
Even he said the same thing. In fact he is the only person I have been sleeping with on/off this year, no-one else. I don't sleep with multiple people.
Original post by Anonymous
I am also not concerned with how they look, infact I really couldn't give a flying monkeys.
For the love of god, why are you on tinder then? It's the epitome of "it's all about how they look"!
Original post by Anonymous
I am just picky in who I date - i.e. I don't date anything that says ''Yes, kiss my toes''. I have had some people in REAL life ask for dates but I have said no because I am not attracted to them.
Original post by Anonymous
Also what I have said to described these guys is NOT their actual jobs (for some of them). To protect their identity, I have changed a few details, which I believe I am entitled to do on a forum.
Right? Bit weird? It's safe to say none of them are world leading physicists or barristers going on your descriptions though. I think you need to perhaps target more... "professional" people. If guys at 30 are still just looking for an ONS I would kind of think they were a bit immature and not relationship material personally, which is perhaps more likely in those who haven't achieved much in their career.
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch
Why is this surprising to you? You're on POF and Tinder. What did you expect?
Exactly. It's not them, OP needs to choose the guys who are into relationships...
Original post by SnoochToTheBooch
I reckon that was constructive if a bit short. Look elsewhere for 'normal' people.
I'm not on said sites anymore - deleted Tinder during the summer, and I got rid of PoF during Christmas, because it was churning out my friends ex bfs, or friends bfs/husbands, and I thought I'm not getting involved in such crap!
I have started doing more social things in a bid to try and meet new people - so one can only hope I guess
.My reasoning for trying such sites and other dating websites, is because a friend of mine got married to a guy she met online. With that thinking in mind, I decided to give it a try. Although I know full well Tinder and PoF perhaps aren't the best sites to use, I thought I would give it a try before drawing my own conclusion.
Original post by iAmanze
First, you're looking in the wrong places. Online does not work. Go to a bar. Go to parties. If anything internet derived, go to the dating events set up and meets people there.
That doesn't work - a bar is just as bad as online dating/hookup apps, although POF and tinder and pretty much working class pickup tools so no **** OP is having bad luck with long term relationships.
Relationships tend to emerge with who you study/work with, live with and extended social circles. Anything outside of that is total unicorn ****.
Original post by Anonymous
Last year/this year I met 5 guys:
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating? It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know.
Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
•
*Guy use to work for F1 Red Bull *met on Tinder in February 14* - Had 3 dates, now FwB, and it'll never be anything more
•
*Body Building fanatic - met on Tinder during summer 14. Had 3 dates. On the 3rd date he literally tried to have full blown sex with me in a random field, even though I said I wasn't interested in him in that way
•
*Royal Navy guy - met on PoF in December 14. 1 date - 27 yrs old, but has the mental age of a 4 year old
•
*DJ guy - met on PoF in December 14. 2 dates - most recent bloke I have dated, but I really do not know what has happened?! Last spoke on Wednesday, heard nothing since although he said I was the highlight of his day on our dinner date on Tuesday!
•
*Former work colleague - known for years. Used me as a rebound while he was on a break from his then ex gf - this I did not know.
. . Out of all of the above men, none of them have turned into relationships. Although friends have said it's them, not you, I am beginning to think it is me! A lot of the blokes (apart from the former work colleague), I met on PoF/Tinder. All appear to be fine until we meet. Dates (as far as I am aware go fine, although on my part I am a bit quiet purely because I can't get a word in edge ways because the men just talk, and talk and talk! But I am usually a very chatty person once I get comfortable with someone which may take a while.
I am thinking perhaps I am not cut out for dating?
It's just frustrating me no end. I am not looking to get settled right; get married, have a family and etc. I just would like to have a boyfriend, who I can hang out with, go places with, have a good time and enjoy life with. But that just seems like mission impossible. Everytime I see couples out and about, I get incredibly jealous because of what they have together, sometimes reducing myself to tears . . ridiculous, I know. Don't really know what the point of this thread is really, but just wanted to find out from others really if anyone else has been in the same boat/dating situation? I'm not exactly getting any younger either - 29 in a few weeks, and I would preferably like to find a decent guy before I hit the big 3 0!
Thoughts? . . .
Maybe 30 is a bit late to be looking for this kind of boyfriend. Say you had one or two stable relationships lasting 18 months each - you'd then be 33 if you're thinking about marriage - without even having someone in mind. You could end up defaulting to someone you wouldn't really want to settle down with because they happen to be around.
Original post by bittr n swt
Exactly. It's not them, OP needs to choose the guys who are into relationships...
That's the problem - how the heck do I know which guy is looking for a relationship?
Either I'm not getting this dating lark, or my 'rose tinted' glasses are just set deep into my eyes lolOriginal post by jenkinsear
The majority of guys on tinder/pof are not looking for anything other than easy hook ups. They are hungry and you are their meat, you need to understand that.
I know Tinder is purely hook up central, but PoF people put what they are looking for, so I kinda go on that. Usually question them, not interview style lol, but probe their intentions and none of the guys I have spoken to have expressed the desire for casual sex only. I'm blunt, straight up with them and say I'm not looking for that (although I feel like a hypocrite with the whole FwB situation which I really want to finish?!)
Original post by jenkinsear
Fair, you didn't give off that impression initially hence my comment.
Good
Original post by jenkinsear
For the love of god, why are you on tinder then? It's the epitome of "it's all about how they look"!
I'm not on there anymore, I deleted the app during the summer 2014.
Original post by jenkinsear
You did just say you don't care how they look? But anyway, I'm not sure what your point is. All women providing they are not horrifically ugly get men approaching them from time to time- the issue for you is you seem to only attract men looking for a quick shag.
The Body Building cretin and the Former work colleague - yes, they were both seeking casual sex EVEN though I told BOTH I wasn't into that. They both knew how I felt but totally disrespected my wishes. When they couldn't get it, I was the nastiest bitch on earth! More like I dented their ego! lol
Right? Bit weird? It's safe to say none of them are world leading physicists or barristers going on your descriptions though. I think you need to perhaps target more... "professional" people. If guys at 30 are still just looking for an ONS I would kind of think they were a bit immature and not relationship material personally, which is perhaps more likely in those who haven't achieved much in their career.
The F1 guy USE to work for Red Bull. He works for a company which I cannot mention on here, but goes away regularly with work on business trips and etc. The DJ guy works in a Law firm . . the Navy guy works in the Navy, often travels, the body building guy has his own business in computers and the former work colleague . . well he still works in the same place that I left 3 years ago! Ok, yes as you've said, none are high flying men, but they are ALL working which in my eyes is far better than dating a Benefits lazy person which I personally wouldn't touch with a barge pole ever again! Went there and it was the worse relationship I had ever endured!
You say to perhaps go for men who are 'Professional', that is the type of guy I have tried dating in the past, well trying to find but I honestly do not know where the heck they are. When I was on PoF, I saw a Dr on there . .seemed like a nice guy. But if he is on PoF kinda makes me think perhaps they are all online?
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