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I always feel like I'm making more of an effort with people than vice versa... Watch

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    Like asking people to meet up & starting conversations with them asking how their life us going & stuff. I like to gee up people, give them compliments, make sure they are ok & everything. However from my life experience so far it always seems I'm more enthusiastic to interact with other people than they are with me. It kinda feels sad, but I just need to keep going as I know shying away will make things worse. I don't know what else to say :erm:
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    Thats why I stopped. I realised I didn't give a feck about what goes on in peoples lives. I always offer my help and support, however I've cut down a lot. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I like living a quiet life. Yeah it gets lonely sometimes, but I'd rather be alone than expect things from people and then get disappointed.

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    (Original post by Afghan Warrior)
    Thats why I stopped. I realised I didn't give a feck about what goes on in peoples lives. I always offer my help and support, however I've cut down a lot. I don't talk to anyone anymore. I like living a quiet life. Yeah it gets lonely sometimes, but I'd rather be alone than expect things from people and then get disappointed.

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    I just want people that I can be friends with & share great experiences with, not spend most of my days in my house like I've done most of my life lol. I dunno obviously I've had a big problem with lack of self-confidence which I'm improving steadily. I don't want to let others dictate my life & know I have to put myself out there to make friends. I don't think you should give up though, keep at it & eventually you'll find the right people that truly appreciate your worth Loneliness really does suck...
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    I know exactly what you mean. So many people have just cut me off or make no effort whatsoever and I dont know why.
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    Yeah same. You're trying too hard, what you chasing is a dream, a mere illusion. They're clearly not interested in you, that's why they're not making any effort. You can't keep chasing people relentlessly like this, it's not doing any good.

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    (Original post by sherlockfan)
    I know exactly what you mean. So many people have just cut me off or make no effort whatsoever and I dont know why.

    (Original post by Illegal Algebra)
    Yeah same. You're trying too hard, what you chasing is a dream, a mere illusion. They're clearly not interested in you, that's why they're not making any effort. You can't keep chasing people relentlessly like this, it's not doing any good.

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    Aww, I'm sorry to hear that! :hugs:
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    I can see the other side of the coin here.

    I am someone who seems to make friends easily. I never invite anyone to do anything but get invited out a lot. I'm sure my friends feel like they have to do all the running but they don't HAVE to invite me out to things. It's their choice. I have a busy life so don't feel the need to meet up with friends that much.

    Sometimes I get invited out a lot and as my friends have different interests it feels like a chore to say no all the time.
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    I used to be like this until I realised any relationship is a two-way street. Maybe all this giving you're doing is coming off as desperate or needy? Giving compliments and faffing around them might come across as not being secure in yourself, and so they either don't want you around that often or when they do it's only to make themselves feel better. Try and find people with similar interests, which is always easier said than done. When you meet people, just concentrate on the small talk and building acquaintances. Make sure you don't force friendship; let them form organically. All the best xx
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Like asking people to meeting up & starting conversations with them asking how their life us going & stuff. I like to gee up people, give them compliments, make sure they are ok & everything. However from my life experience so far it always seems I'm more enthusiastic to interact with other people than they are with me. It kinda feels sad, but I just need to keep going as I know shying away will make things worse. I don't know what else to say :erm:
    I used to do this and in the end I'm always the one left feeling stupid. I thought to myself that maybe I'm too excited and maybe that's why, anyway I no longer do stuff like this unless the friendship is mutual on both end and not one sided.
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    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Like asking people to meeting up & starting conversations with them asking how their life us going & stuff. I like to gee up people, give them compliments, make sure they are ok & everything. However from my life experience so far it always seems I'm more enthusiastic to interact with other people than they are with me. It kinda feels sad, but I just need to keep going as I know shying away will make things worse. I don't know what else to say :erm:

    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Like asking people to meeting up & starting conversations with them asking how their life us going & stuff. I like to gee up people, give them compliments, make sure they are ok & everything. However from my life experience so far it always seems I'm more enthusiastic to interact with other people than they are with me. It kinda feels sad, but I just need to keep going as I know shying away will make things worse. I don't know what else to say :erm:
    I sometimes think I'm like this too, making more of an effort I mean.
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    Oooh someone who's like me! :O
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    (Original post by NeverTooLatte)
    I used to be like this until I realised any relationship is a two-way street. Maybe all this giving you're doing is coming off as desperate or needy? Giving compliments and faffing around them might come across as not being secure in yourself, and so they either don't want you around that often or when they do it's only to make themselves feel better. Try and find people with similar interests, which is always easier said than done. When you meet people, just concentrate on the small talk and building acquaintances. Make sure you don't force friendship; let them form organically. All the best xx
    I totally understand what you're trying to say. I guess I'm trying to put myself out there more but there's always a risk of coming across too strong. I don't wanna be too clingy, but found when I don't speak to people it might take ages for them to talk to me or not at all, from past experience Yeah exactly, friendships come naturally However I dunno, I just need to find the right people who I can feed off :badger:
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    (Original post by Mezza362)
    I can see the other side of the coin here.

    I am someone who seems to make friends easily. I never invite anyone to do anything but get invited out a lot. I'm sure my friends feel like they have to do all the running but they don't HAVE to invite me out to things. It's their choice. I have a busy life so don't feel the need to meet up with friends that much.

    Sometimes I get invited out a lot and as my friends have different interests it feels like a chore to say no all the time.
    This is me. I never invite anyone anywhere like ever. I usually get invited places all the time. Some places I'm not interested in at all and my friends take it the wrong way.. My life isn't that busy to be honest lol I just don't like going out all the time.

    However I do check in on people from time to time and make the effort to stay in touch with the the odd meet up which is usually a suggested by both parties, if we haven't seen each other for a good while.
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    You could test the waters and stop making the effort, your friends may notice and try making an effort more.

    I think some people aren't interested in taking the lead and making plans, some don't feel the need to go out all the time and some people don't want to talk as much as we'd like them to.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    This is me. I never invite anyone anywhere like ever. I usually get invited places all the time. Some places I'm not interested in at all and my friends take it the wrong way.. My life isn't that busy to be honest lol I just don't like going out all the time.

    However I do check in on people from time to time and make the effort to stay in touch with the the odd meet up which is usually a suggested by both parties, if we haven't seen each other for a good while.
    I also feel like this. I actually do keep in touch with my friends by calling and texting and enjoy that. I also meet up in the day with them every now and again but don't enjoy evening things.

    I have a baby so this is why my life is busy. I'm tired all the time and the evenings are my time to recouperate
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    (Original post by Mezza362)
    I also feel like this. I actually do keep in touch with my friends by calling and texting and enjoy that. I also meet up in the day with them every now and again but don't enjoy evening things.

    I have a baby so this is why my life is busy. I'm tired all the time and the evenings are my time to recouperate
    I know what you mean! Nothing wrong with that .. That's understandable though, raising kids is not an easy job.
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    'Don't make someone a priority who's only an option to you' mm-hmmm :snaps fingers:
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    This is me. I never invite anyone anywhere like ever. I usually get invited places all the time. Some places I'm not interested in at all and my friends take it the wrong way.. My life isn't that busy to be honest lol I just don't like going out all the time.
    I used to know people who took this the wrong way. There are some things I don't like doing and so, if they did that, I would decline and they'd take that as me not enjoying their company.

    Thankfully, my current friends understand that I do other things, I don't want to do that all the time or I just don't want to do it for whatever reason. Admittedly, there is someone who does whinge because I don't prioritise stuff with him over other stuff.:rolleyes:

    I do have a friend who sometimes picks me up on a Wednesday for something and I'm sure he feels he has to give me a reason why he has to tell me no. I don't care if he can't make it and I don't care if he gives me a reason or not.
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    (Original post by phunky_fresh)
    You could test the waters and stop making the effort, your friends may notice and try making an effort more.

    I think some people aren't interested in taking the lead and making plans, some don't feel the need to go out all the time and some people don't want to talk as much as we'd like them to.
    Possibly, although I don't think I know many people to do that plus past experiences haven't been that encourage. Like on Facebook when I talk to people some at least reply but when I don't talk they hardly talk to me or I have to wait a considerable while before anyway talks to me. Ah well I guess I just need to wait until I meet new people & ones who properly value me...
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    seriously though what can be done? over the years ive lost touch with countless people who simply cant be bothered. let me think...the only person i who was my friend at college stopped talking to me. my housemate at uni did the same. so did my housemates in my last year. a couple of people outside of my studies also never bothered. two of my oldest friends i hardly talk to anymore...i dont know why i bother. i wish it didnt affect me so much.
    #latenightrant
 
 
 
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