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    Hi there. So basically, I'm an introvert. I'm extremely shy and very socially awkward. I'm very bad at making casual conversation, let alone approaching someone in the first place to start one, which is why I find it really hard to make friends. I stutter a lot when I'm nervous. I'm very quiet. I tell myself that I shouldn't care about what other people think of me, but I still can't change myself.

    I feel like part of my lack of confidence is due to the fact that my race is a minority in the UK, although English is my first language. I just feel out of place although I've been living here for four years.

    In the next academic year I'll be starting my first year of university, and I'm really worried about making new friends. I want to start fresh and be a new, confident person, but even thinking of it makes me feel really uncomfortable and nervous. I would appreciate anybody's help.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there. So basically, I'm an introvert. I'm extremely shy and very socially awkward. I'm very bad at making casual conversation, let alone approaching someone in the first place to start one, which is why I find it really hard to make friends. I stutter a lot when I'm nervous. I'm very quiet. I tell myself that I shouldn't care about what other people think of me, but I still can't change myself.

    I feel like part of my lack of confidence is due to the fact that my race is a minority in the UK, although English is my first language. I just feel out of place although I've been living here for four years.

    In the next academic year I'll be starting my first year of university, and I'm really worried about making new friends. I want to start fresh and be a new, confident person, but even thinking of it makes me feel really uncomfortable and nervous. I would appreciate anybody's help.
    Best piece of advice I can give you for University is to throw yourself into societies & sports clubs. You'll be around people who you have a shared interest with, and it can be much easier talking to people over an activity rather than just out of the blue.

    So if you've got any hobbies, or any sports you play, or anything that your University offers that you've never done but want to try your hand at, get involved. Other than the very occasional exception sports clubs & societies are all very welcoming and they're a good way to get to know people even if you're shy.
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    Going to the gym helped me with my confidence. Keeps my mind clear aswell. Heres my gym experience in a nutshell

    Started gym with a thick hoody, nervious of what people thought.

    Then started wearing t-shirts still nervious.

    Started wearing vests, i ignore what everyone else is doing.
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    (Original post by Direstraights)
    Going to the gym helped me with my confidence. Keeps my mind clear aswell. Heres my gym experience in a nutshell

    Started gym with a thick hoody, nervious of what people thought.

    Then started wearing t-shirts still nervious.

    Started wearing vests, i ignore what everyone else is doing.
    How has this helped you in your daily interactions outside of the gym and in society.

    Have you maintained this mentality?
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    Hello I'm going through a similar thing to and the only way to do it is to really actively go for it. This is because confidence will never ever come to you... You have to go to it!

    You need to expose yourself to new people and places. At any uni there should be lots going on around campus. I also recommend volunteering over everything because not only do you meet new people your confidence is boosted in another way where you feel more purpose for helping out other people. Also if you live in a big city there's plenty of things do outside of campus, churches/spiritual groups, film groups, book clubs get on google and meetup.

    I'm also a 'minority' but there are countless people of minority backgrounds doing just fine for themselves. You feel inferior and that is making you timid as you feel so different. Concentrate more on what we all have in common and our shared humanity.

    Best wishes!
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    The best way to boost your confidence is to throw yourself into the deep end! Like everyone has said, join a society, find common interests with people


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    Start the gym and constantly remind yourself that life begins outside the comfort zone..


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    (Original post by Chris Cartner)
    Start the gym and constantly remind yourself that life begins outside the comfort zone..

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    (Original post by Direstraights)
    Going to the gym helped me with my confidence. Keeps my mind clear aswell. Heres my gym experience in a nutshell

    Started gym with a thick hoody, nervious of what people thought.

    Then started wearing t-shirts still nervious.

    Started wearing vests, i ignore what everyone else is doing.
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How has this helped you in your daily interactions outside of the gym and in society.

    Have you maintained this mentality?
    I agree with anon #2; I don't see how going to the gym will help me because it's not my physical state that I struggle with. I know it might make me feel good about myself but it won't help with my lack of communication skills.

    Knowing where to meet new people is a start, but what I really need help with is the fact that I struggle with small talk and conversation. I can't even work up the confidence to approach someone I don't know and start talking to them in the first place. I think my biggest fear is just how uncomfortable and awkward the situation could get, and the kind of person I am doesn't help make things better. I'm sorry I didn't make this very clear.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Hi there. So basically, I'm an introvert. I'm extremely shy and very socially awkward. I'm very bad at making casual conversation, let alone approaching someone in the first place to start one, which is why I find it really hard to make friends. I stutter a lot when I'm nervous. I'm very quiet. I tell myself that I shouldn't care about what other people think of me, but I still can't change myself.

    I feel like part of my lack of confidence is due to the fact that my race is a minority in the UK, although English is my first language. I just feel out of place although I've been living here for four years.

    In the next academic year I'll be starting my first year of university, and I'm really worried about making new friends. I want to start fresh and be a new, confident person, but even thinking of it makes me feel really uncomfortable and nervous. I would appreciate anybody's help.
    Looks like us two are on the same boat.
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    Making friends is really easy if you know what exactly to do and say. You need not speak alot but just saying "hey" to the girl/guy sitting beside you in the lecture (if the lecture isnt very serious), attending meetings held by the societies(you get to meet alot of like-minded people) and being nice can help you make friends.

    You need to assure yourself that everything will be okay. You have to trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself you wont be able to make others trust you.

    I know how hard it is to actually do it. Maybe just fake confidence. As they say "fake it till you make it". Often faking confidence really make you confident.

    To avoid stuttering what I did was that I started to take part in debates and extempores. It helped me alot to overcome fear of crowd and stage. I didn't necessarily start with huge competitions. I started with class competitions. You can give it a try. You know it really helps to speak to a mirror and practice your speech.

    Just read alot of books and try speaking alot (may sound awkward I know). You must have a friend or two or your parents. Talk to them everyday about something (maybe news).
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    (Original post by DeadEnd_96)
    Looks like us two are on the same boat.
    It sucks, doesn't it? I get so frustrated at myself sometimes. I'm glad you (and some others) know how I feel.

    (Original post by NerdyMeg)
    Making friends is really easy if you know what exactly to do and say. You need not speak alot but just saying "hey" to the girl/guy sitting beside you in the lecture (if the lecture isnt very serious), attending meetings held by the societies(you get to meet alot of like-minded people) and being nice can help you make friends.

    You need to assure yourself that everything will be okay. You have to trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself you wont be able to make others trust you.

    I know how hard it is to actually do it. Maybe just fake confidence. As they say "fake it till you make it". Often faking confidence really make you confident.

    To avoid stuttering what I did was that I started to take part in debates and extempores. It helped me alot to overcome fear of crowd and stage. I didn't necessarily start with huge competitions. I started with class competitions. You can give it a try. You know it really helps to speak to a mirror and practice your speech.

    Just read alot of books and try speaking alot (may sound awkward I know). You must have a friend or two or your parents. Talk to them everyday about something (maybe news).
    I am absolutely fine when it comes to friends and family, talking isn't a problem at all because I'm comfortable around them. I've thought to myself before that maybe I should see new people as people I know really well and talk to them the way I would talk to my friends, but it's difficult because I don't know what they're like and what their interests are. I have thought about faking confidence, but every time I thought of doing so I just start to think about how hard it is to pretend to be the complete opposite of what I am... I've been quiet and shy basically my whole life, which is why I find it so hard. Thank you though, I'll try and take it in small steps. I guess practice makes perfect. Unfortunately I can't change overnight.
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    Fake/force all the things a confident person would do amd over time it will become automatic. It's a positive feedback sort of thing, the more you do it (even while you're faking it) the more it boosts you up, and the more boosted up you are, the more natural it becomes.
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    (Original post by SnoochToTheBooch)
    Fake/force all the things a confident person would do amd over time it will become automatic. It's a positive feedback sort of thing, the more you do it (even while you're faking it) the more it boosts you up, and the more boosted up you are, the more natural it becomes.
    You make it sound so easy. If only.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You make it sound so easy. If only.
    Well it takes ages but it's just practice like anything else. I'm speaking from first hand experience here.
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    Just getting yourself out of your comfort zone & talking to new people, really. It's good to join many societies/clubs as that can help you to meet people with common interests. You just have to have positive mindset. Don't worry about people judging you negatively/potential embarrassment as that is what has held me back socially. Think these people aren't better than me, I'm going to be myself, if they react negatively then move on & don't dwell on it & talk to other people who will respond better. Just come across as polite, friendly & enthusiastic & I'm sure you'll get somewhere in the end!
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    How has this helped you in your daily interactions outside of the gym and in society.

    Have you maintained this mentality?
    Yes. If you feel better in yourself you feel better talking to other people. Just gotta remember the people you want to befriend are just like you, they have their own fears.
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    (Original post by SnoochToTheBooch)
    Well it takes ages but it's just practice like anything else. I'm speaking from first hand experience here.
    I guess so. Just need to force myself to do it!

    (Original post by Multitalented me)
    Just getting yourself out of your comfort zone & talking to new people, really. It's good to join many societies/clubs as that can help you to meet people with common interests. You just have to have positive mindset. Don't worry about people judging you negatively/potential embarrassment as that is what has held me back socially. Think these people aren't better than me, I'm going to be myself, if they react negatively then move on & don't dwell on it & talk to other people who will respond better. Just come across as polite, friendly & enthusiastic & I'm sure you'll get somewhere in the end!
    I like your optimism. I give that advice about people judging you to my friend, why can't I take my own advice? ; _;

    (Original post by Direstraights)
    Yes. If you feel better in yourself you feel better talking to other people. Just gotta remember the people you want to befriend are just like you, they have their own fears.
    Putting it that way makes it sound a lot better. I guess I just need to be the person that approaches, and not be approached.
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    [QUOTE=Anonymous;53021347]It sucks, doesn't it? I get so frustrated at myself sometimes. I'm glad you (and some others) know how I feel.

    I'm glad that there are people out there like you, that are feeling the same way. I also am kind of socially awkward so I have trouble making new friends. I started studying at a new Sixth Form College last September. Its been nearly 5 months and I have only made like 3 friends and they don't really talk to me very often. Every break or lunchtime I just sit alone studying in a study room whilst I see everyone else talking, laughing and having a great time. However, I do feel comfortable being alone sometimes, but I am trying to improve my social skills by just forcing myself to talk to people, but it will take some time. Don't worry, I'm sure you will become more confident too.
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    Hi,
    I believe confidence is all to do with what you think. For example I went to the shard restaurant the other day and felt completely out of place but afterwards I was told to walk like you own the place. I did and subsequently felt okay and felt in place.
    When approaching people you're either going to make friends or not. If you do you have a good chance you will and if you don't you have no chance whatsoever.
    Its all in the mind - be positive, be optimistic!
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    SMILE. Say hello to new people everyday. Yes you'd be scared to do it but that is the only way to stop being shy.
 
 
 
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