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Absolutely sick of friend sleeping on couch - am I justified here? watch

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    So a girl I'm friendly with (but my housemates are better friends with) came to crash on the couch in our living room 10 days ago. She shows on signs of leaving and I recently overheard her telling a friend she would happily live on the couch from now.

    I sometimes work from home. While my housemates have desks in their rooms, I don't, and therefore do my work at the table in our living room. This has never been an issue, it's usually only for a couple of hours or so each week, and whenever I've had to do this in the past my flatmates have happily retired to their rooms for a bit.

    Today I go to the table to do some work, this girl comes in and switches the TV on really loudly and keeps turning it up. My other housemate is with her. Then she pauses the thing she's watching and asks my housemate if she wants tea. Lovely, when I often make tea for everyone. I do not want this person here any more and I am livid. I am correct to be mad in the aforementioned scenario?
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    I fear for you cause you seem intent on starting a never-ending battle between you and the girl for "the right to use the living room".
    Or, simple solution, move the table in the living room to your bedroom :unimpressed:
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    (Original post by shawn_o1)
    I fear for you cause you seem intent on starting a never-ending battle between you and the girl for "the right to use the living room".
    Or, simple solution, move the table in the living room to your bedroom :unimpressed:
    This girl doesn't pay rent. She is crashing here and secretly telling people that she'd like to stay permanently. I pay a decent amount of money for this flat and to use it adequately.

    Her underwear, jewellery and general rubbish half covers the table as it is.
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    IF she ain't paying tell her to gtfo.
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    OK then, tell her that she owes money otherwise you'll take her keys (to the flat) and she won't be allowed back in
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    Absolutely justified!! Have a house meeting with your flatmates (without her) first & discuss/tell them she has to go. Then you all have a house meeting with the girl & break the news to her. You were kind enough to let her stay this long & she hasn't even made any enquiries to find somewhere to live & sort herself out.

    Give her a week to get her stuff together & get out. You don't even have to explain yourself tbh.
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    Why is she there? How did this come about? Surely she has her own place?
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    Tell her in future she has to contribute if she wants to crash on the sofa. If not, then it's bye bye couch potato!
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    Hmmm odd one, kick her out...
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    You're completely justified.
    It's one thing for her to stay for a bit till she finds a resolution.
    But if she's seemingly intent on living on a couch, and not paying any rent, sprawling her things everywhere, then there needs to be a house meeting.
    As SophiaLDN said, you've allowed her to stay over for a while, and whilst it may not directly be a disturbance to your other housemates, it is to you who uses the living room.
    Have a meeting.
    Get things sorted.

    It's silly that she's taking the piss instead of trying to sort herself out properly.
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    I agree that you need to have a house meeting (without her) to decide what the basis of her staying is.

    She needs to contribute financially if she is staying and it is in line with the lease for her even to be there? How many people is the flat designed to accommodate? If there are more that that you could be in trouble with the landlord.

    If she can legally stay AND if you can all agree on the rent she should pay then there needs to be a desk in your room or rules for use of the TV.
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    (Original post by SophiaLDN)
    Absolutely justified!! Have a house meeting with your flatmates (without her) first & discuss/tell them she has to go. Then you all have a house meeting with the girl & break the news to her. You were kind enough to let her stay this long & she hasn't even made any enquiries to find somewhere to live & sort herself out.

    Give her a week to get her stuff together & get out. You don't even have to explain yourself tbh.
    They are so laid back that they probably won't even see the big deal but we'll see. My housemate actually asked her to stay without mentioning it...and this began with her saying "I'll need to stay with you guys for a few days."

    I've been silent on the topic/nice to her because I don't want to look like the big bad witch to my housemates. But I am sick of feeling like I can't use my own living room area because she is in there.
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    OP - the important thing is that they may be breaking the terms of your lease by allowing her to stay ....
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    They are so laid back that they probably won't even see the big deal but we'll see. My housemate actually asked her to stay without mentioning it...and this began with her saying "I'll need to stay with you guys for a few days."

    I've been silent on the topic/nice to her because I don't want to look like the big bad witch to my housemates. But I am sick of feeling like I can't use my own living room area because she is in there.
    I understand, you don't want to seem like a bad person but this wouldn't make you bad! You are well within your rights. Especially as they didn't even ask you (rude, but ok let's move on). If your flatmates are good people, they wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable in your own flat. It's like you're the guest & the girl is a Flatmate! Honestly, anyone would feel like that. In this situation you'll need to put your foot down. They might say "oh she'll change & be considerate bla bla" with different terms but say no. Because that wouldn't solve the problem. Like someone else said, I'm pretty sure it's against your contract to have someone else live with you guys.

    The girl sounds like she has no home training. How can you be living on someone's couch comfortably and not feel awkward/uncomfortable & not want to change your situation.
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    I think there are two issues.

    1. You need a desk in your room, if at all physical possible. I know you say it's only for a few hours a week, but it's not really fair on you or them.
    2. This girl shouldn't be there - 10 days is taking the p**s. I would be embarrassed if I was her. Unfortunately it is often very hard to sort this kind of situation out without bringing in the authorities (which isn't a good idea), but a good start would be to find out why she is here, see what your flatmates think when gently challenged, and possibly see if you can help the girl find her own place to stay (not that you should have to).

    I don't get why the tea was an issue?

    Good luck, anyway
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    Say something before she becomes a permanent feature. In my uni house last year, one of my housemates moved her boyfriend in, during a period when none of the rest of us were there full-time, and by the time we all got back & realised what was happening, it was too late to do much except go down the official route of complaining to the university (they owned the house). He was an annoying p*ick to have around constantly, and extremely unhygienic, so the bathroom & kitchen were a constant nightmare. So get your housemates together and insist that she leave by a specified day; as others have said, give her a week or whatever to get something else sorted.
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    (Original post by Octohedral)
    I think there are two issues.

    1. You need a desk in your room, if at all physical possible. I know you say it's only for a few hours a week, but it's not really fair on you or them.
    2. This girl shouldn't be there - 10 days is taking the p**s. I would be embarrassed if I was her. Unfortunately it is often very hard to sort this kind of situation out without bringing in the authorities (which isn't a good idea), but a good start would be to find out why she is here, see what your flatmates think when gently challenged, and possibly see if you can help the girl find her own place to stay (not that you should have to).

    I don't get why the tea was an issue?

    Good luck, anyway
    1. I agree and I am trying to get hold of a desk. Where I live it is not straight-forward but I really am hoping to find one soon. In the meantime I pay the rent and should be able to use the room - oftentimes my housemates are out working when I use the room for work.

    2. She is here because she fell out with a previous housemate and moved out. I was annoyed, but now I'm really annoyed because I overheard her saying she would happily stay permanently. NO communication is happening between us housemates over this. I feel like bringing it up will change things because they will think I have something against the girl but that's not the issue here.
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    a**, gas or grass - nobody rides for free

    ask her which she'd like to contribute....
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    These type of threads come up quite often.

    The moral of the story for anyone who is moving in to someone else's space (often the 'moving in with their boyfriend/girlfriend without paying rent') is that you are likely to disrupt the harmony of a house and have to be VERY careful how you do it.

    When I was at uni, one of my housemate's friends from back home asked to move in with us. He lived with his Dad who had some issues and it became unliveable so he moved over to us (a different city), and until he could get a job he had no money. However he basically said to all of us he was really aware that he was going to be imposing on us and to tell him if anything annoyed him. He was a trained cook (useful) so he basically cooked all our meals and did all the washing up and kept the house clean as anything, he used to lie on the sofa at night watching TV but the moment anyone came in he would jump up saying "sorry am I disturbing you", he was really cautious about it all. I hadn't been keen at first but I got to quite like him being around, he was with us 4 months in total, he got a job in Subway and eventually not only paid a big chunk towards our bills but got his own place to move in to. We actually felt a bit sad when he moved out because he was so helpful round the house and such a good bloke, it was great when you were bored to come downstairs and have someone to watch films with or play Playstation.

    But so many other stories you hear, the person moving in just acts selfishly and with a sense of entitlement, this is ESPECIALLY the case when they are with their partner as they can just use the "well you're jealous of our relationship" line if anyone says anything.
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    Get rid of her ASAP, the longer you leave this kind of thing the harder it is to deal with.

    A girl in my flat met a guy on a night out and brought him home, he was living with us for a couple of weeks before they started dating and he didn't leave for 5 weeks after that. When we brought it up, the girl threw a tantrum, claimed she was being victimised and they moved into his place. She's back now (having promised that he wouldn't be regularly staying over again) but he's still constantly here, and in a way it's worse now because he's just sneaking around and trying not to let anyone see him. If we'd knocked it on the head within the first week then I think he'd have left for good very early on.

    So yeah, the sooner you sort this the easier it'll be for everyone involved. Good luck, hope it goes better for you than it has for me!
 
 
 
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