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    Went on a date in November with this girl, who told me how much she really liked me. We did sexual stuff and then things went really tits up because of her friends saying things went to fast.

    So anyway a girl of mine, who wanted to get to the bottom of is questioned her and this is what she got from it.

    • Haha well I'm not really good at the whole "flirting" thing
    • I'm shy when I don't know the person.
    • And I've made out with a couple guys
    • Went on one date with a psycho
    • didn't feel a connection and he was convinced that we were soul mates
    • Had a hard time letting go... After one date....
    • Yeah, i told him we would be better as friends
    • he decided that means that i want to marry him, just in a couple years
    • Nah, he never hurt me. He was just really weird and obsessive
    • I had to block him
    • I just didn't feel a connection.



    It's funny how she was the one who went fast with all the relationship stuff, and I never ever asked her to marry me. What the actual!! It's all in her head. I messaged her really really slowly, like hours, sometimes days and gave her lots of space. Like sometimes weeks, but she killed it though.

    Psycho, she is funny. I am in a job where I get tested for this sort of stuff, and I wouldn't be doing a job like this if I was mental. She went and said that the job I am doing is like 0.11% of getting into it, she stopped replying/reading the messages.

    All I ever did was a) Give her space b) Was genuine with her c) I treated her nicely.

    She never ever told me she wasn't interested. I told her I wanted to be friends, she had a hard time dealing with that and couldn't meet up.
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    You have made the fatal error of assuming women work on logic. Of course it's all in her head. She is unable to properly put her experience with the first "psycho" in its proper context. As soon as you exhibit a surface behaviour that looks like one of his behaviours, an uneasy feeling creeps in. Since this introduced two contradictory analyses of her relationship with you, she sought input from her friend to resolve this, using consensus opinion to try to get some handle on what the reality is. The friend's opinion tipped the scales against you.

    Objective facts like what you actually did or did not do and your actual mental health status are completely irrelevant factors. Even if you pointed them out and made a logical argument for why you're not like the first guy, as you have here, she probably wouldn't understand.

    The way to understand it is to think of it as a sort of low-level PTSD. Like how whenever a shell-shocked war veteran hears a car backfire he get flashbacks to 'Nam or whatever and is not going to be capable of rational thought for some time while he has a panic attack.

    Either that or it was all a contrived excuse because she didn't want to go out with you any more, which is probably about as likely as the above. Because of the way female society is, where any failing is a potential reason for someone else to drag you down, girls will go to any lengths to ensure they aren't wrong. So any break-up has to be because of something you did, regardless of whether you actually did anything or not. Once she has built a narrative in her mind she can break up with you while avoiding cognitive dissonance.

    All this is taking the OP at face value, assuming he himself has an objective view of things, which I'm not entirely sure is the case either.
    • #1
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    #1

    (Original post by scrotgrot)
    You have made the fatal error of assuming women work on logic. Of course it's all in her head. She is unable to properly put her experience with the first "psycho" in its proper context. As soon as you exhibit a surface behaviour that looks like one of his behaviours, an uneasy feeling creeps in. Since this introduced two contradictory analyses of her relationship with you, she sought input from her friend to resolve this, using consensus opinion to try to get some handle on what the reality is. The friend's opinion tipped the scales against you.

    Objective facts like what you actually did or did not do and your actual mental health status are completely irrelevant factors. Even if you pointed them out and made a logical argument for why you're not like the first guy, as you have here, she probably wouldn't understand.

    The way to understand it is to think of it as a sort of low-level PTSD. Like how whenever a shell-shocked war veteran hears a car backfire he get flashbacks to 'Nam or whatever and is not going to be capable of rational thought for some time while he has a panic attack.

    Either that or it was all a contrived excuse because she didn't want to go out with you any more, which is probably about as likely as the above. Because of the way female society is, where any failing is a potential reason for someone else to drag you down, girls will go to any lengths to ensure they aren't wrong. So any break-up has to be because of something you did, regardless of whether you actually did anything or not. Once she has built a narrative in her mind she can break up with you while avoiding cognitive dissonance.

    All this is taking the OP at face value, assuming he himself has an objective view of things, which I'm not entirely sure is the case either.

    (Original post by Sulpha)
    ....
    It's only just ended. Sorry for bringing it up, I was led on for two months and never really got the truth told to my face.

    The problem with 'her' and as she's told my friend (Girl) is that she is shy, and not really the flirty type. It also explains why she couldn't tell me the truth and had to go to her flatmates/friends all the time to help her out. The way I look at it, is unbiased with the added help that she told me what went wrong.

    On our date, when she told me how much she liked me. I put my hands down her knickers, she responded and put hers down my pants. We discussed having sex at that point, of which she didn't want to as she was on her period. Fine. No is a no.

    She invited me back to her place for Tuesday. The next day the flatmates got involved and told her things was going to fast, and this scared her. This probably removed the connection and It was never coming back. Let's face it, all the things I did since November was in vain and even though it was being just a friend, and honestly I never made a move on her again nor did I try. She kept giving me 50/50.

    She took me for a ride and it was wrong. ALL of the above is not my thoughts, but what she's told me. Do I take it as gospel though? I doubt it.

    Actually I am happy my friend got to the truth, because I don't treat girls like objects, I don't throw them around and treat them badly. I treated her like a princess, and maybe that is where I went wrong. Ends.
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    I'd be more worried about your spelling.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    It's only just ended. Sorry for bringing it up, I was led on for two months and never really got the truth told to my face.

    The problem with 'her' and as she's told my friend (Girl) is that she is shy, and not really the flirty type. It also explains why she couldn't tell me the truth and had to go to her flatmates/friends all the time to help her out. The way I look at it, is unbiased with the added help that she told me what went wrong.

    On our date, when she told me how much she liked me. I put my hands down her knickers, she responded and put hers down my pants. We discussed having sex at that point, of which she didn't want to as she was on her period. Fine. No is a no.

    She invited me back to her place for Tuesday. The next day the flatmates got involved and told her things was going to fast, and this scared her. This probably removed the connection and It was never coming back. Let's face it, all the things I did since November was in vain and even though it was being just a friend, and honestly I never made a move on her again nor did I try. She kept giving me 50/50.

    She took me for a ride and it was wrong. ALL of the above is not my thoughts, but what she's told me. Do I take it as gospel though? I doubt it.

    Actually I am happy my friend got to the truth, because I don't treat girls like objects, I don't throw them around and treat them badly. I treated her like a princess, and maybe that is where I went wrong. Ends.
    I misread your OP, I thought she dated a different "psycho" before you. Whether she is misrepresenting you or not, the fact is you went on one date and obviously one way or another she didn't think much of it. Let it go.
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    True. Actually she really liked the date. She was well up for going out again. This was her choice not mine.

    Things changed. I'll get over it. Not my loss.
 
 
 
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