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is 34 too old for me, I am 22 Watch

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    A 34 yo is intersted in me... I am 22 and he turns 35 before i turn 23. Ive always liked older upto maybe 30, as it stands now so 8 years but I dont know how I feel about someone 12 almost 13 years older than me..
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    but I dont know how I feel about someone 12 almost 13 years older than me
    That really says it all, surely?
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    You have to ask yourself why is it that you are attracted to older people?

    Is it because they give you a sense of security and display a maturity that others of your age do not?

    What is his motivation for a relationship with a 22 year old? Is he afraid of getting older and you boost his ego?

    I'm not saying it cannot work, simply that you will face a different set of challenges in your relationship with him.

    As Reue said, go with your instinct and if in doubt, don't.
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    You seem to be worried about what other people will think, hence why you made a thread. As far as other people are concerned, it's legal and you seem old enough so it's fine.

    Just follow your gut instinct on this one. It's totally your call.
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    If you like him, why not?


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    If you're comfortable with it I don't see a problem!
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    If you're just worried about what people are going to think then completely forget everyone! Especially if you think this could be love for life.

    In 15 years time when you're 37 and he's 45, nobody will even bat an eyelid at it. Plus older always means more maturity and more money


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    (Original post by lewif002)
    If you're just worried about what people are going to think then completely forget everyone! Especially if you think this could be love for life.

    In 15 years time when you're 37 and he's 45, nobody will even bat an eyelid at it. Plus older always means more maturity and more money


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    That's not going to happen.

    OP: Be careful when going for men much older than you. Be wary of the fact that some men like women much younger than them because it's easier to control them.
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    (Original post by lewif002)
    If you're just worried about what people are going to think then completely forget everyone! Especially if you think this could be love for life.

    In 15 years time when you're 37 and he's 45, nobody will even bat an eyelid at it. Plus older always means more maturity and more money


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    Why would he be 45 in 15 years time?
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A 34 yo is intersted in me... I am 22 and he turns 35 before i turn 23. Ive always liked older upto maybe 30, as it stands now so 8 years but I dont know how I feel about someone 12 almost 13 years older than me..
    If you have to ask such facile questions as "Is 34 too old for me?", then yes, 34 is too old for you; as is just about anyone else mature enough to actually know what they want from a relationship.

    By all means, proceed: but the massive imbalance of power (in his favour, I suspect) will not make for an enjoyable, edifying or emotionally-fulfilling experience on your part.
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    (Original post by Converse)
    Why would he be 45 in 15 years time?
    Good question and I have absolutely no idea what inspired me to write that, haha.


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    I don't think that you should let anyone tell you whether or not to date someone older than you. If you're comfortable with the age gap - you're comfortable with it, not your parents or your friends - then you should go for it. There's nothing wrong with it.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    A 34 yo is intersted in me... I am 22 and he turns 35 before i turn 23. Ive always liked older upto maybe 30, as it stands now so 8 years but I dont know how I feel about someone 12 almost 13 years older than me..
    Coincidentally I just clicked on a thread on Mumsnet and it's about a woman who was 22 and started a relationship with a man who was 33. I'm not going to link directly to it here lest a load of TSR trolls jump on it, but PM me if you want the link so you can see how badly it can go.

    I'll also say that I briefly saw a guy who was 40 when I was 22, and while he wasn't controlling or anything, the power balance wouldn't have been right had we made a relationship of it, and I would have been questioning myself the whole time. Not to mention that we just didn't want the same things in life, mainly because of the age gap.
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    (Original post by Ronove)
    Coincidentally I just clicked on a thread on Mumsnet and it's about a woman who was 22 and started a relationship with a man who was 33. I'm not going to link directly to it here lest a load of TSR trolls jump on it, but PM me if you want the link so you can see how badly it can go.

    I'll also say that I briefly saw a guy who was 40 when I was 22, and while he wasn't controlling or anything, the power balance wouldn't have been right had we made a relationship of it, and I would have been questioning myself the whole time. Not to mention that we just didn't want the same things in life, mainly because of the age gap.
    Ronove makes a good point and it is true, these relationships have potential to go wrong due to power balances, controlling people etc. However, don't let stories put you off of someone if you're genuinely interested in them. You could always give the relationship a chance and tell yourself if you're not enjoying it after 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years then you'll be walking.


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    I briefly dated someone with the same age gap when I was 24. I couldn't see it going anywhere, partly because we had nothing in common and he was rather controlling. Although, I suspect in part, neither of those things were strictly age related.

    All that matters is whether you're both happy. Not what other people think. However, there's nothing wrong with asking for other peoples opinions.
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    (Original post by lewif002)
    Ronove makes a good point and it is true, these relationships have potential to go wrong due to power balances, controlling people etc. However, don't let stories put you off of someone if you're genuinely interested in them. You could always give the relationship a chance and tell yourself if you're not enjoying it after 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years then you'll be walking.


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    The thing is that it's not that simple with emotional abuse and control. The mask sometimes doesn't slip until over a year down the line, or even until the first pregnancy or birth of a child, and by that point the abused is so under the thumb/crushed in spirit/isolated from support and made to feel like the abuse and control is normal that it can feel impossible for them to get out - if they even wake up to the fact that they are being abused and don't have to live like that.

    Obviously there will be happy endings sometimes - but I honestly don't think it's worth the risk. That's up to the OP to work out, though.
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    Too old
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    (Original post by Converse)
    Why would he be 45 in 15 years time?
    Because arithmetic isn't a strong point? Just a guess lol.
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    I think it's important to compare your life stages and what ideas you both have for life over the next few years. It would be common to want children (if he hasn't got them already) at his age and you have to think whether you will be in the right place in your life for that.

    Also I would beware older men who habitually date women a lot younger than themselves like a lot of the previous posters have mentioned.
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    (Original post by uberteknik)
    Because arithmetic isn't a strong point? Just a guess lol.
    I suspect the poster added 15 years to the OP's age, getting the 37 mentioned, and got confused by the OP mentioning they'd usually date someone up to 30, 'so 8 years'. So more reading comprehension than arithmetic.
 
 
 
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