Struggling to sleep next to my girlfriend...

I had expectations of snuggling up under the warm sheets, entwined together before snoozing peacefully for the night. Nope, more like me lying stiff as a board next to my girlfriend who snores loudly. I can't help but also feel slightly annoyed since she is the one who claims to have sleeping problems yet seems to get off very quickly. I've had this problem before when sharing beds with my friends but I assumed it would be different with someone you're in a relationship with.

I've started staying over at her house for the night and sharing her bed which is where the problem is. I just can't fully relax with someone next to me and it makes it worse when she falls asleep and starts to snore. I lie there for god knows how long completely unable to sleep. Eventually I manage to get a few hours sleep but only when I turn away from her. I mean it doesn't help that it's only a single bed and I don't have much space.

I feel guilty because it makes me not want to stay at hers too often. And if I suggested us sleep separately it would probably offend her. Is it something I'll get used to? Or do I have a problem? According to my mum I've always had mild sleeping problems and since I'm quite introverted I'm the type of person who enjoys relaxing on his own.

What should I do? :frown:

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Reply 1

Elijah113

You need to just be upfront and she needs to get it sorted.it can be awkward to confront about these things but in the long run for health,and your relationship.

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Reply 2

Reue

I hate sharing a bed. In the films they always cuddle up and drift off to sleep together... never quite happens that way.

I invested in a king sized bed, now I barely even notice she's there.Bliss.

Reply 3

pinkbullets

Perhaps buy some earplugs to eliminate the snoring issue?

As for the rest, I don't see any problem with turning away from her and sleeping right at the other end of the bed if you've had a little cuddle before you go to sleep. This is what me and my boyfriend do - he gets too hot if we snuggle while we sleep and I toss and turn a lot. So, we cuddle before sleep, sleep as far away as we can and then I'll cuddle into him again in the morning when we wake up.

Reply 4

Dr Pesto

I know just how this feels, I'm really not a fan of sharing the bed. I'd mention to her how hard you're finding it to sleep.

Reply 5

Niassuh

She might be offended but tbh sleep is more important. Imagine if you're sleep deprived because of her snoring and you get snappy, then she'll get even more offended. Even if you get earplugs, you may find she tosses and turns all night. Best to just tell her you can't sleep like this, it'll be healthier in the long run.

Reply 6

Rakas21

I always found the body heat too much personally.

Reply 7

kka25

Aw. Sorry to hear that OP : /

Reply 8

ijacub

I've been with my partner for nearly 2 years and some days i LOVE sharing a bed, other times I want to sleep in the spare room! I think you need to adapt to it becuase you (possible) spent so much time having your own sleeping space.

Reply 9

phunky_fresh

I hate sharing a bed. My ex would fall asleep and I would lay there for hours, the bed size didn't matter (he had a double and I had a single). I would look forward to sleeping when he left/ when I home.

Reply 10

Kittiara

This is why my boyfriend and I have separate bedrooms. :biggrin:

Sounds unromantic, but it really helps with having a good night's rest and our own space in general.

Of course, that doesn't help you right now, OP. But, I would have a chat with your girlfriend about it. Communication is key, and you can do it in a nice way. Like, sharing a single bed is never going to be comfortable, so maybe you can get your hands on an inflatable or camping bed for when you stay over? At least you have your own sleeping space then. And yeah, might want to invest in earplugs.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

Mankytoes

I always refused to share a single bed with a girl. It upset them, but I literally will not sleep with someone that close, it's just so hot. Double is fine with a gap, once I'm used to it.

Reply 12

<3Music

Hmmm. My boyfriend snores every now and again.. and he has told me to always wake him up if he is snoring and it has gotten to the stage where it is stopping me from sleeping - he then waits for me to fall back to sleep before he goes back to sleep.. doesn't happen that often though.

We always sleep snuggled up to each other. I know sometimes people get hot but if I'm sleeping in bed with him and we are facing different directions we have both said that it doesn't feel right and its as if we have gone to bed angry with one another.

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(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 13

SnoochToTheBooch

Hold onto the blanket then roll her onto the floor.

Reply 14

redferry

3 words: butt to butt

Oh and kick her when she snores.

Reply 15

Antifazian

It is something you have to get used to, and even then it can still be annoying sometimes.

Don't feel like you have to sleep actually touching her, there's no way I could sleep like that!

Oh, and get some earplugs for the snoring or get her to use those nose strip things, because that will not be helping at all.

Reply 16

Plumstone

Earplugs are your friend.

Sex is also your friend.

The first one stops her from waking you up with her snoring, the second one will hopefully send you to sleep quickly so that you don't have to lie awake for ages.

Reply 17

Ronove

This is really simple (and not a solution to the whole sharing a single bed issue) but you both need to make sure you're aware that her snoring will be way worse if she's on her back. She might not snore at all most of the time if she's on her side.

You need to talk so that you're both aware that if you prod her in the night and clearly (but gently) say 'roll onto your side' she'll know exactly what you're saying and why, without her needing to be wide awake to work it out.

Being woken up/prodded in the night because you're snoring can be a miserable experience if you're not actually aware that you're snoring, or you're not sure why the person is prodding you/waking you up. It means you have to wake up properly to then get an answer from your partner about what is going on, and by that time you're confused/annoyed/upset and it's harder to get back to sleep once you're properly awake as well. Being open about the situation and how you're going to try to sort it out during the night is best for all parties.

Reply 18

Helenia

We have a kingsize bed and separate duvets. Have never really managed to sleep in a single bed together, he used to use an air mattress on the floor for sleeping when he used to visit me at uni.

Few people can actually spend the whole night snuggled up in each others' arms - too hot, too fidgety, snoring etc etc just means it's not actually the romantic idyll you picture.

Reply 19

Ronove

Original post by Helenia

Separate duvets are excellent. I used to find it weird but I don't think I'd be able to go back to double duvets now. They're very useful for regulating your own temperature (and making sure the other person's farts stay away from you as much as possible).