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Why don't I have a boyfriend? Watch

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    Long story short, I am 21-year-old girl and never had a proper relationship. I fooled around with a couple boys before but it never led to something serious. Honestly I'm not hot but I don't think I'm ugly either. I'm just average weight and slightly above average height. I do look pale without makeup so I make sure to put it on every day. I shower and wear deodorant daily although my sense of smell is too sensitive to wear perfume. I dress fashionably with good quality pieces, but I'm not girly at all (bordering on being a tomboy) so I seldom wear skirts, dresses or even nail polish.

    I keep thinking about possible reasons why boys aren't interested in me but cannot find a solution.

    -The fact that I'm not girly - okay, that may be why, but I can't help it. Sometimes I motivate myself to wear skirts more often and such, but I can't keep it up. It's just not me. Besides there are girls who are a lot more tomboy-ish than me and yet have more success in the relationship front.

    -My inexperience (and awkwardness as a result) - I've never been in a long-term relationship. In high school I wasn't girlfriend material because I was too depressed to take care of my appearance. On the very rare occasions I was hit on, I would have no clue until my friends pointed it out to me. In an effort to overcome this I'm trying to be more approachable, but I fear I may be taking it too far and giving myself away too easily. Why is it so hard to strike a balance?

    -My personality - I'm not a ***** I have friends who care for me and many of them are opposite sex too, we just never considered a relationship.

    ----

    So can I ask the possible reasons why a guy wouldn't want to date a girl like me? Apart from obvious reasons like unattractiveness or personality clashes?
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    Confidence issues? Maybe you're not willing to initiate things? Not wanting to rush things? These are the issues coming from my experiences. And as you say, maybe you're misreading the signals. I remember not long ago that a girl fancied me, and I had no idea until it was pointed out to me, I assumed she was just being friendly!

    There's no obvious reason why you're not having much success, just keep putting yourself in more situations social, be friendly and don't be afraid to initiate things, and hopefully something will naturally happen
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Honestly I'm not hot but I don't think I'm ugly either
    This exact thing gets asked almost daily here and the replies are always the same:

    If you're not terrible looking then you're either...

    - Not putting in any effort to approach people yourself

    OR

    - Are aiming too high.


    Put in some effort and approach more guys, or lower your standards.
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    (Original post by Reue)
    This exact thing gets asked almost daily here and the replies are always the same:

    If you're not terrible looking then you're either...

    - Not putting in any effort to approach people yourself

    OR

    - Are aiming too high.


    Put in some effort and approach more guys, or lower your standards.
    My standards aren't high at all, I'm more or less playing in my league. When I make an effort on guys, they just show a brief interest in me and then disappear.
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    (Original post by Chris22)
    Confidence issues? Maybe you're not willing to initiate things? Not wanting to rush things? These are the issues coming from my experiences. And as you say, maybe you're misreading the signals. I remember not long ago that a girl fancied me, and I had no idea until it was pointed out to me, I assumed she was just being friendly!

    There's no obvious reason why you're not having much success, just keep putting yourself in more situations social, be friendly and don't be afraid to initiate things, and hopefully something will naturally happen
    You're right; at least that's what I'm hoping for. By convention aren't guys expected to make the first move though? I mean I don't except them to always initiate conversation because that's too delusional, but I always thought they should be the one to take things to the next level. :confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    When I make an effort on guys, they just show a brief interest in me and then disappear.
    Which would suggest they are indeed not in your league.

    I'm not trying to offend; just offering observations based upon hundreds of threads exactly like this.
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    I think u might friend zoning boys without knowing/noticing.
    And maybe lack of reading signals due to being inexperienced.
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    Are you still in education? Maybe if you wait until you are settled in a respectable job and plan to start a family...
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    (Original post by Reue)
    Which would suggest they are indeed not in your league.

    I'm not trying to offend; just offering observations based upon hundreds of threads exactly like this.
    You're not being offensive don't worry. Actually my standards have more to do with personality and intelligence than appearance. A guy could be as handsome as a movie star but he wouldn't interest me as much as a guy I could talk about literature, politics and music for ages. At the risk of coming off as arrogant, I'm a pretty smart girl studying a highly-regarded subject. I make a real effort on my intellectual development. And honestly I can't see how I could be aiming too high in that respect. :confused:
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're not being offensive don't worry. Actually my standards have more to do with personality and intelligence than appearance. A guy could be as handsome as a movie star but he wouldn't interest me as much as a guy I could talk about literature, politics and music for ages. At the risk of coming off as arrogant, I'm a pretty smart girl studying a highly-regarded subject. I make a real effort on my intellectual development. And honestly I can't see how I could be aiming too high in that respect. :confused:
    In which case it must be the lack of effort. Not as in you're not trying but instead you're not trying effectively. You've already mentioned waiting for the guy to make the next move.

    Other issues could be not meeting guys in the right sort of places or accidentally giving off the wrong signals.
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    Honestly speaking, you care too much about your traits that people judge. I think no one really cares about your experience when it comes to relationships, or if you wear skirts or not.

    From what i read, you're basically saying you're not a stereotypical girl and if that's the reason you're single. That's where your problem is, once you start caring too much of what other thinks of you, you'll just never get out of your shell. One day a guy will come along and love you for who you are.
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    Firstly dont beat yourself up... seriously... im 29 and only had 3 relationships. I have never been the populat type i was ignored and bullied in school. I think you do lack a little in the self confidance side but im sure your make up for it in personalitly. I am single now and women done believe me when i say i go for what is on the inside on a person... its not about the looks for me... its what is on the inside that makes you who you are. I think you still have not met what some people call... "Mr Right". Eveyone has someone out there... its just a case of waiting for them and meeting them at the right time. As i have depression and i have Dyslexia people have branded me and i shut myself away. DONT DO THIS!!! Keep your head high and believe in yourself. My first relationship was nearly 5 years, then 2 years and then 2 years again... i have been single for a while now and hate it. You seem to have good friends... that is a starting point. In order to learn to LOVE you need to be friends. In time a guy may well do just see you in a different way than how you see yourself and sweep you off your feet with flowers, poetry or music... Do yourself a favour... dont throw him away... give him a chance. Even if it does not become a hapilly ever after, it will be an experience that you can hold on to and use for another time. I do hope that one day you will have "your first... last kiss" .. as i too hope i will find one day. Remember... smile... your worth being with... even if the lads dont see that yet. That is their fault... not yours.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right; at least that's what I'm hoping for. By convention aren't guys expected to make the first move though? I mean I don't except them to always initiate conversation because that's too delusional, but I always thought they should be the one to take things to the next level. :confused:
    I dont understand why you expect men to make the first move. If you genuinely want a relationship, then you have to make an effort too.
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    Do you have your eyes on anyone in particular at the moment?


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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    You're right; at least that's what I'm hoping for. By convention aren't guys expected to make the first move though? I mean I don't except them to always initiate conversation because that's too delusional, but I always thought they should be the one to take things to the next level. :confused:
    Guys will look for green lights before they take thing further. Just like a wise guy will seek eye contact before approaching, smiling and subtle body language, before non-sexual touching, leading onto kissing etc.

    If they're not going further it means you're not giving the right signals, which correlates to the awkwardness you brought up. Also these kinds of signals and mannerisms are partly what gives a girl her femininity. I've met girls who dress tomboyish but still retain their femininity but there are plenty who have abandoned it either voluntarily or not so.

    Also you mentioned that you are average sized. If you're using the UK average then that's a size 16 which is quite a lot overweight so that's something you should definitely work on in order to improve the quality of guy you can attract.

    Hope that helps.
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    If you want a partner that bad put in the work to find one like many guys do.

    Not being a ***** or hideous doesn't mean you automatically qualify for or deserve a bf. You could still have the personality of a potato. Evidently so far nothing about you has caught enough attention within males to make them act. If a girl doesn't attract my attention via looks or cool personality then I won't ever consider wanting a relationship with her. Simple really.

    Also whether or not you wear skirts isn't too significant although I find overtly tomboy-esque girls unnatractive.
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    (Original post by Jebedee)
    Guys will look for green lights before they take thing further. Just like a wise guy will seek eye contact before approaching, smiling and subtle body language, before non-sexual touching, leading onto kissing etc.

    If they're not going further it means you're not giving the right signals, which correlates to the awkwardness you brought up. Also these kinds of signals and mannerisms are partly what gives a girl her femininity. I've met girls who dress tomboyish but still retain their femininity but there are plenty who have abandoned it either voluntarily or not so.

    Also you mentioned that you are average sized. If you're using the UK average then that's a size 16 which is quite a lot overweight so that's something you should definitely work on in order to improve the quality of guy you can attract.

    Hope that helps.
    Lol no I'm much thinner than UK average. I'm 5'7 and weigh 9 st 13 lbs, making me size 8-10. I'm definitely not overweight.

    Also I'm probably bad at giving signals, but I don't know how I could improve my ability to do that :/
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    First two issues aren't negatives for me, they are positives. I'd rather somebody who wasn't a "girly girl" and was a bit tomboy-esq, and secondly, I wouldn't want somebody massively experienced either. So it's nothing to do with those two. You don't sound like a ***** either, so I doubt it's personality. If you aren't overweight and aren't ugly it's not your aesthetics either.

    Think back to the last time you were approached, what happened? Are you friendzoning boys? When they flirt do you flirt back? Do you take an interest? Boys have to think you are interested before we make a move. It's nerve wracking for us as well you know.
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    (Original post by Eboracum)
    First two issues aren't negatives for me, they are positives. I'd rather somebody who wasn't a "girly girl" and was a bit tomboy-esq, and secondly, I wouldn't want somebody massively experienced either. So it's nothing to do with those two. You don't sound like a ***** either, so I doubt it's personality. If you aren't overweight and aren't ugly it's not your aesthetics either.

    Think back to the last time you were approached, what happened? Are you friendzoning boys? When they flirt do you flirt back? Do you take an interest? Boys have to think you are interested before we make a move. It's nerve wracking for us as well you know.
    Well the last time I was approached was in a club like a week ago. A boy came up to me asked a random question, to which I responded rather formally. Later my friend warned me that he was trying to flirt with me and I should have flirted back, but it was a very subtle way of flirting you know. I just don't know how to flirt :/
 
 
 
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