Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read this first of all.
I have a little bit of a situation and would love some friendly advice. Here's the background story. I have a best friend (female) who I have known for somewhere close to 12 years. For the most part, it's been the case we have seen each other as friends and been through a number of things together and I guess even I have at some points questioned 'what if?' because we get on so well.
Relationship wise, she has been out with a few people and so have I, but for one reason or another we have never really been single at the same time, until now.
She was with someone for 4 years, it didn't work out and has taken around 2-3 years in getting over things (it was pretty painful). I recently came out of a relationship after 4 years around 3-4 months back and over the last few months my feelings for her have begun to change. I feel I'm starting to fall for her and feel the dynamic of our relationship has changed. There have been a few hints here and there (and we've become a little more touchy feely) between us in the past few months but as I had been in a relationship most recently, decided not to act on anything as it would just be incredibly dishonest to the person I had been with but I can't deny it crossed my mind a few times and perhaps subconsciously played a part in the reason I broke it off with someone else.
Put simply, now I can't rely deny I don't have strong feelings for her (the best friend) and want more from the relationship but alas, it takes two to tango and we've always been 'just friends'.
In the last few weeks, I've subtly attempted to be a little more flirtatious, and suggestive to test the waters given there is a long friendship in play. At times she's playful back, and others not so much. Sometimes I'll make certain comments, with no real acknowledgement (never a good sign I know!) Most recently, I had asked her to spend sometime together doing a couple of things we'd both enjoy (like a new hobby/interest we've both discussed) - instead of being open to it, she's come across a bit cold but on the other hand still wants to meet up. She's also become a little more shorter in her responses and I guess as paranoid as my mind is (sounds a bit like a lost puppy here I know!) she'll take her time at points in responding on messages and most recently not responded at all for the last few days after I suggested we do something fun together and was suggesting that sometimes it's not a bad idea to take risks and live in the moment (cheesy and may have been a little too strong I know!) In the meantime, I'm trying to just keep myself busy and meeting new people/reconnecting with old friends but can't help this be on my mind too.
So I have a few questions, and open to anyone who can answer.
1. If someone likes you, is it possible they'll ignore you suddenly? (I mean all the scenarios in my mind I've gone through don't particularly bode well so perhaps I'm trying to either confirm some feelings here or reach out to any one else in the 'Friendzone'?)
a) She's either busy and has a lot to do (it's a bit strange, as she's usually quite good on her responses)
b) The good ol 'She's really not that into you dude...' (as crap as the realisation might be) and she's trying to create some intention distance as not to disrupt the friendship.
c) There's another guy in her life. (Possible as she's been available for a couple of years now from what I know, but she has been on this strange on/off thing with her ex but I think she's now moved on)
d) She's a bit confused with her feelings or what to say.
e) She's stressed out with something else that's not me (but in many years, not typical for her not to respond at all...)
f) She is interested, and does like me but isn't sure how to take this herself.
2. How does one escape (or is that even possible?) out of the 'Friendzone?'
(A part of me realises at this stage that I can't continue to be friends with her with the way I feel - either I tell her and just be honest, or I take some space away, meet some new people and try to move on)
3. Is it advisable to just share how you feel with someone at the right time, and has anyone done this with a long term friend and been successful/or unsuccessful and can share?
The risk here is a very long friendship and she's been a very big and special part of my life for quite a few years. I can't help myself falling for her and it's a pretty strange realisation but also trying to tread carefully without putting her in any uncomfortable situation or making things awkward.
If you haven't been too bored until now and you have any thoughts to share, would be very much appreciated.
Thanks again for your time reading!
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Escaping the infamous 'Friendzone' watch
- Thread Starter
- 21-01-2015 19:10
- 22-01-2015 10:42
The Friendzone is not a bad thing. I mean, clearly, you have had great times together and such, but all in all, I would ask you not to risk it. After all, I would not imagine that you think it is bad to be her friend.
If I were you, I would not risk it. If you mess it up, it could make your relationship incredibly awkward. If she shows a serious amount of 'signs' (don't misinterpret anything) then go right ahead! But if not, do not.
Best of luck.