rant: people who just dont understand depression

i have manic depression but my friend just doesnt seem to get that you need medication and that 'going for a walk and excercising' really doesnt do anything if i hit my low place - im so sick of hearing this ****!! does anyone else know anyone like this? it annoys me so much! i spose she's just trying to be helpful but she comes out with such stupid and ignorant suggestions that i get so frustrated! i try and explain that nothing can drag me out of a low mood, but she just doesnt get it atall and it upsets me because it means i dont really have anyone atall who understands what im going through :frown:

sorry, rant over :redface:

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Reply 1

maag101

She obviously doesn't know much about the condition and isn't doing it on purpose. Suggest that she researches it a bit. But don't get cross cause she really is only trying to help.

Reply 2

Navajo

I've had mild depression in the past and I know exactly how it feels.

**** isn't it...

Reply 3

tulipsandsunshine

I have a friend who believes that anyone is depressed is just doing it for attention and that they need to get over it. It is annoying, but sometimes no matter how much you try and explain something to someone they will find it impossible to understand. Its difficult that you dont have your friend to confide in but there are a lot of people who know what you're going through and I'm sure there are plenty of sites on the internet which could also help your friend understand.

Reply 4

Tag

Try educate her. It's not her fault she doesn't understand.

Reply 5

Navajo

Tag

Try educate her. It's not her fault she doesn't understand.

What!? It is her fault she doesn't understand... depression is like a medical condition and if you ever suffered from it the your opinion would change greatly. I have the up most respect for people who are dealing with it.

Reply 6

Sarky

Navajo

I've suffered from depression and the people i respected most are the ones that said "i'm sorry, i don't understand but i'll try and support you as best i can". The ones that pretended they did understand when they didn't did more harm than good. There are some things people just can't get their heads round with mental illness. But at least the OP's friend is trying as best she knows how.

To the OP. It may be frustrating but at least they are trying. Your friend could have dropped you when they found out you had something they seem to have little knowledge of. I lost lots of friends because they didn't get it.

Reply 7

Tinkers

I no exactly how you feel, i have depression and i dont no any one who gets it. not even my rents understand and theyve had 2years to get round to it!! Somedays i just feel so alone because no one gets how i feel, once a friend told me to get over it everyone has there down days!! It made me feel even worse and ended up self harming over that comment, dont get me wrong i did it now and again, it wasnt her that made me start, but because of the comment i cut all my legs!

Reply 8

person 34

Yes it is annoying - been there. When my friend had manic depression, she insisted she needed a plactic bag. I gave it to her, and it worked. Medicication isn't ALWAYS the answer, but usually is.

Reply 9

Tag

Navajo

why do you assume I don't suffer from depression? because I have an opinion which differs from yours?

I think it's very narrow minded to assume that all people with depression blame all people who don't have depression and don't understand depression are at fault. Don't blame people who don't understand, blame those who haven't educated them.

If you want help with your maths homework, but you're in a more advanced class than your friend, is it her fault she doesn't understand your homework? no. It is your problem, if you want her to understnad, it it your job to show her, explain to her, educate her.

Reply 10

Navajo

Tag

why do you assume I don't suffer from depression? because I have an opinion which differs from yours?

I think it's very narrow minded to assume that all people with depression blame all people who don't have depression and don't understand depression are at fault. Don't blame people who don't understand, blame those who haven't educated them.

If you want help with your maths homework, but you're in a more advanced class than your friend, is it her fault she doesn't understand your homework? no. It is your problem, if you want her to understand, it it your job to show her, explain to her, educate her.

I assume because people with depression are in the minority...

Of course people who have depression don't blame all people who don't... people who don't understand depression commonly don't help the situation and usually end up aggravating the situation and person.

You can't blame people for not being educated about the matter! Surely its up to the person to have a high social awareness of the situation?

Reply 11

HollyBush

My best friend has had severe depression for several years, and so I kind of understand that it's nothing that you can control. Even I find it irritating when other people assume that it's all for attention and that you can switch it off at the flick of a switch. But at the same time it sometimes is really hard to know what to do/say as an outsider when someone's feeling low and utterly ****. Some people may say that it gets easier with time, but despite my friend having this for years, I still never know what to say. The other thing that really pisses me off is when normal people have a bad day and they're feeling mildly peeved off they go on a rant about how they're sooooo depressed. No you're not. You're unhappy. If they understood depression they wouldn't use the term so loosely.

Reply 12

Tag

you seem to have missed my point.

you cannot make assuptions about my personality or point of view. "if you had ever suffered from it [depression] then your opinion would change greatly." says who?

I said you are blaming people who don't understand depression because they don't have it. which is unfair.

and of course it is up to the individual to be socially accepting and aware. But you can't expect everybody to understand you. You have to help them sometimes.

The point is that this person has a problem with a friend who wants to help but does not understand how. Frustrating as it is for the person, they cannot automatically expect their friend to understand their condition. If you had a drug habbit and were talking about addiction to somebody T-total, would you expect them to undrstand? of course not, you would haveto explain what it's like for you, what they can do to help etc.

Reply 13

Anonymous #2

I've been through depression and even though I have, I couldn't possibly pretend to understand someone else's experience of it. Some parts might be similar, but depression is unique to everyone.

When people say "you have to have been through it to understand" I think they mean that for the majority of people it's difficult to imagine/visualise the extent to which depression affects you. Obviously this isn't always the case. Even though I've had depression I don't understand it, but I know some of the feelings (and the potential strength of them) that it could be difficult to imagine. I'm sure your ability to empathise is helped by first hand experience.

The best anyone can do, however, is to be a valuable friend: always ready to listen, to talk if invited, and to support. If the friend seems to pass judgement in any way (e.g. suggesting exercise like you say) then it can be very hurtful.

To the OP: noone can know what you're going through, but the most important people to you will try their hardest to try try try to understand.

Reply 14

Ben Dover the Lollipop Man

to all of above, u cant blame ppl for not understand depression. some ppl havent even heard of the term depression. it could be that they have never gone through it, or it could be its just 1 of those things that they dont really understand.

anywayz most of u guys/girls are sayin depression is v annoying thing to have, and ppl dont understand. to OP, u sed ur friend is saying all those stuff blah blah blah and u get really p***ed off. well if u stand in ur friend's point of view, she/he is only trying to help u, no need to slag her off or get annoyed at her, simply just tell her that depression is not that easy to deal wit.

and to navajo, about the comment on ppl dont understand depression, its their fault. well like Tag sed, its like maths, its not sum1's fault if they dont understand something bcoz they've never being through it.

its no1's fault, u cant just say people who dont understand depression are ones to blame. Ok just 1 example, if a person had cancer, and he/she had certain amount of days left to live, and he/she tells her/his friends, their friends will be sympathetic towards that person, however they DONT understand it bcoz they've never been through it, and thus u cannot blame them.

why dont u just try to solve the problem instead of blaming this and that, it might make everything simpler? (not been harsh, just tryna suggest sumthing)

Reply 15

Tag

ok thanx, so we're back to the first post: what to do to help your friend understand?

All I can think of is talking to her about:
a) how you feel
b) how she feels
c) what depression is
d) what impact this has on the way you feel
e) what can be done about it e.g.
e) what she can do to help you
f) how you both feel about this

The best thing I can think of is to get her a book on depression and get her to read it.

Reply 16

xXMessedUpXx

I can see why the OP is frustrated, however personally i tend to just suffer from mild/moderate depression, as opposed to manic depression. Obviously with manic depression the cause tends to be either gentics or a chemical inbalence so its not the OP's fault and her friends suggestions won't really help, although if someone suggested it to me (and they have) then i wouldn't be as offended as my depression was triggered by years of bullying/stress so its something that could be managed by changing my behaviour and attitudes.

Reply 17

BlackpoolCraig

I had a bout of it, which lasted about a week. After that, I understandit a bit more. It's a terrible thing. Your mind just wants to keep digging itself a hole, and it feels debilitating.

Butthat's no the irritating thing about it. Just the terrible thing about it. The irritation is when people insist that you just put on a smile, feign happiness, and that doing this will somehow make everything OK.