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I asked where I stood (mixed messages) watch

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    This is a follow up post to the thread 'should I take the hint?'

    I've dreaded bringing up this conversation for the longest time, but today i just had to grow some balls and ask where I stood. So i called him, I asked how he was, we laughed a little bit and then I got straight to the point. I asked why we've drifted lately. At first he pretended he hadn't noticed and within no time he admitted he had noticed.

    He asked why I thought we had drifted and I said 'one minute we were we talking all the time, went on a few dates and the next minute it fizzled out.' He said he thought we got on really well, we have a laugh but something was missing and we didn't do 'couple thing's'. Firstly I know he was referring to a spark and even last week when I saw him he was staring at me intensely and initiating 'couple thing's' like putting his arm around me etc..I didn't reject any of it. It was nothing like when I'm with my other friends. There is no way I imagined any of that. I think he was referring to how I responded to his actions more than anything and the fact I wasn't particularly affectionate - however that's just how I am until I'm comfortable.


    I asked him if he's saying he just wants to be friends and he said it was like one person liked the other person more and it seemed like we were getting to know each other as friends.

    we've never discussed feelings before, so the fact he mentioned one person liking the other more baffles me and my friend thinks he's referring to himself.

    I know he probably has no clue how I feel because no guy has been able to read me. Part of the reason for me calling is because I know I'm a shy and awkward person and I wanted to address the fact it takes me a while to get comfortable and tell him how I felt. however he threw me off so I didn't get a chance to. I did however tell him I enjoyed his company and thought we were moving towards a relationship, but obviously not.

    He said maybe we were going at two different paces which I know is referring to the fact we've been on many dates, haven't kissed and when he tried to initiate I went all shy. So i knew he would feel like he was being left out in the cold. I didn't mean to respond that way, but it takes me time to get comfortable.

    I don't know how to feel. At first I was very upset. However he didn't come right out and say he wants to be friends. I know where I have gone wrong in all of this, I wish I let him know the deal from before, but I thought he understood how shy I actually am. I know he's probably looking at things and thinking im not interested because my actions show otherwise or maybe he just does want to be friends..my friends think he's probably put in the effort and is waiting to see what i'm going to do and he clearly likes me. She thinks I should tell him about my shyness / awkwardness and explain how I feel.

    However I think I should leave it as it is. I mean what if that isn't the case at all and she's wrong. What are your thoughts?
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    Yes explain. Send a message one last time saying you really liked him and find it a while to get comfortable with someone and it was on that trajectory but that you're happy to be friends if he would rather. It's maybe an ego thing for him but you shouldn't let your ego put you off saying something if this guy matters to you.


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    I think it would suggest meeting up - maybe go for a walk and explain to him exactly how you feel and tell him that you don't act affectionate not because you're not interested but because you're just to shy to until you get comfortable.

    My advice would always be do not get physical with someone until you are completely ready .. but maybe in this instance if you went out on a walk try and push yourself to maybe hold his hand or link arms (eg minor "couple things") this might give him some reassurance.

    When my boyfriend and I first got together I was really quite shy .. still am actually; but the more time I spent with him the more I came out of my shell around him. To begin with he would talk and I'd be very sort of quiet in my answers or he would always reach out to hold my hand and like you I never rejected it but it still felt slightly odd. But the more time you spend with someone the more you communicate and let each other know how you feel the easier and nicer it gets and the more comfortable you get.

    The guy seems to like you so I hope it works out well ... I wouldn't walk away from it just yet - give it some more time. Good luck

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    (Original post by whisper2012)
    Yes explain. Send a message one last time saying you really liked him and find it a while to get comfortable with someone and it was on that trajectory but that you're happy to be friends if he would rather. It's maybe an ego thing for him but you shouldn't let your ego put you off saying something if this guy matters to you.


    Posted from TSR Mobile

    Thank you! I was up all night thinking of what to say to him. I'd imagine he wouldn't want his ego to be crushed anymore, he messaged me today so I'm going to arrange to meet up and talk.
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    (Original post by <3Music)
    I think it would suggest meeting up - maybe go for a walk and explain to him exactly how you feel and tell him that you don't act affectionate not because you're not interested but because you're just to shy to until you get comfortable.

    My advice would always be do not get physical with someone until you are completely ready .. but maybe in this instance if you went out on a walk try and push yourself to maybe hold his hand or link arms (eg minor "couple things") this might give him some reassurance.

    When my boyfriend and I first got together I was really quite shy .. still am actually; but the more time I spent with him the more I came out of my shell around him. To begin with he would talk and I'd be very sort of quiet in my answers or he would always reach out to hold my hand and like you I never rejected it but it still felt slightly odd. But the more time you spend with someone the more you communicate and let each other know how you feel the easier and nicer it gets and the more comfortable you get.

    The guy seems to like you so I hope it works out well ... I wouldn't walk away from it just yet - give it some more time. Good luck

    Posted from TSR Mobile
    Ahh someone that understands!! I feel like I'm alone and still at that awkward stage whilst everyone else has the hang of it.

    He messaged me today so going to arrange to meet up sometime. I've never gone ahead with anything until I've been ready. I spent a while hanging out with the last two guys I dated and with the most recent I was comfortable within no time, I was being very playful and would put my arm around him, plus I initiated the first kiss (surprisingly).

    We just need to be around each other more, like you and your boyfriend did. Thanks so much! I'm not giving up just yet!
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    TL;DR but 8 times out of 10 if you have to ask, you already have your answer :rolleyes:
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    (Original post by Foo.mp3)
    TL;DR but 8 times out of 10 if you have to ask, you already have your answer :rolleyes:
    I knew this before I even asked him. I could sense he might be a little confused by actions etc and I wanted to know how he was feeling about the situation.
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    I wanted to meet up with him, however I've been ill and stuck in bed. Instead I sent him a message and he said he appreciated it and knew it took alot for me to write it. He said he knew I was still nervous around him, but he didn't know how nervous I was, so he got the picture basically. And that was that. Time will tell I guess...
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    You sound like incredibly hard work: the onus is on you to explain yourself at this point.
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    (Original post by Profesh)
    You sound like incredibly hard work: the onus is on you to explain yourself at this point.
    I know I'm working on it. I wanted to meet up with him, however I've been ill and stuck in bed. Instead I sent him a message and he said he appreciated it and knew it took alot for me to write it. He said he knew I was still nervous around him, but he didn't know how nervous I was, so he got the picture basically. And that was that. Time will tell I guess...
 
 
 
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