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    So i've decided that as we are online i'll have no shame and see what the women of TSR suggest.

    The profile i've had for a while with mixed success...

    'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics and hope to graduate with a first class degree and perhaps even a Masters, i aspire to be a very wealthy and powerful man. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport though, i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or****ail.

    I enjoy most types of music aside from Screamo Rock and MC/heavy rap (into DJ Tiesto, Train, Marina and the Diamonds, Mika, James Blunt, Gutye and Fallout Boy at the moment). I think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies although i do rate movies like Star Wars Episode 3 (Palpatine is an almighty villain), Troy (Great) and Don't Mess With The Zohan (hilarious). When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good.

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring, passionate and a bit wild. Shyness is not a problem in a girl as i am very decisive and enjoy being in control.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping centre to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!

    .........

    Don't be afraid to point out how rubbish it is, most of my success came from IM where you don't have the problem of a profile.
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    In parts it seems a bit like you're writing an essay, so maybe tone it down a bit. I also personally very much dislike the " i aspire to be a very wealthy and powerful man." Might be a turn on for some women but I personally find it off putting, makes you seem superficial and a bit of an arse.
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    Shyness is not a problem in a girl as i am very decisive and enjoy being in control.

    As well as what Sophie said, this quote I find quite condescending. Forget dating, if anyone said that to me I'd be a little offended- I'm quite a shy person but it's not a weakness, and it doesn't mean I'm allowing someone else to control me. Its like you want to take advantage of it and show how dominant you are or want to be. Also shyness does not equate to being indecisive.
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    I'm a guy - a straight guy - and I agree with the ladies above.

    That bit about shyness and you wanting to be in control actually sounds a bit creepy to be honest. I think even if they did want to talk to you that last bit may have put them right off.

    Wealthy and powerful - Get rid of that bit, please I beg you.

    I think it's okay but you're missing something and I'm not sure what it is - just add something either humorous or make it a bit more friendly? It has to be warm and inviting and right now it's neither inviting nor uninviting it's stuck in limbo.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    In parts it seems a bit like you're writing an essay, so maybe tone it down a bit. I also personally very much dislike the " i aspire to be a very wealthy and powerful man." Might be a turn on for some women but I personally find it off putting, makes you seem superficial and a bit of an arse.
    Ah. Any advise as to which bits should go to make it less of an essay.

    Ah, i'll tone that down then.

    (Original post by Emily.97)
    Shyness is not a problem in a girl as i am very decisive and enjoy being in control.

    As well as what Sophie said, this quote I find quite condescending. Forget dating, if anyone said that to me I'd be a little offended- I'm quite a shy person but it's not a weakness, and it doesn't mean I'm allowing someone else to control me. Its like you want to take advantage of it and show how dominant you are or want to be. Also shyness does not equate to being indecisive.
    Ah right. I'll remove that completely then. Should i say i'm decisive in the main paragraph or just leave it out completely.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Ah. Any advise as to which bits should go to make it less of an essay.

    Ah, i'll tone that down then.



    Ah right. I'll remove that completely then. Should i say i'm decisive in the main paragraph or just leave it out completely.
    Its up to you- I don't see being decisive as hugely relevant in this context
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    (Original post by MaseratiJay)
    I'm a guy - a straight guy - and I agree with the ladies above.

    That bit about shyness and you wanting to be in control actually sounds a bit creepy to be honest. I think even if they did want to talk to you that last bit may have put them right off.

    Wealthy and powerful - Get rid of that bit, please I beg you.

    I think it's okay but you're missing something and I'm not sure what it is - just add something either humorous or make it a bit more friendly? It has to be warm and inviting and right now it's neither inviting nor uninviting it's stuck in limbo.
    I think i've probably been reading too much of male orientated forums. Being a dating profile i wasn't sure kind of how sexual it should be i suppose. I know some girls like a cheeky guy but others have to be taken gently.

    Thanks.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Ah. Any advise as to which bits should go to make it less of an essay.

    Ah, i'll tone that down then.



    Ah right. I'll remove that completely then. Should i say i'm decisive in the main paragraph or just leave it out completely.
    It's not so much that you say what your goals are that make it seem like an essay, it'd the way you say it. It seems very formal, maybe be a bit more brief. Dedicate a sentence to it, not a whole paragraph. I think most girls (the kind you are probably after...not those who just want your money) will be more interested to know about your hobbies, your favourite kind of food. Also us girls love humour, try to seem more laid back rather than like you're writing a personal statement. I'd say just leave it out completely.
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    I'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics, graduating this summer. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport although i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or cocktail.

    I enjoy most types of music and think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies. When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good.

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring and passionate.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping center to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!

    ...........

    Took it down to the bare bones.
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    I'd remove the music examples bit as that will not make anyone want to date you anymore but might put some people off, no matter what your taste


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    (Original post by SerLorasTyrell)
    I'd remove the music examples bit as that will not make anyone want to date you anymore but might put some people off, no matter what your taste


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    Done ^
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    I'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics, graduating this summer. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport although i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or cocktail.

    I enjoy most types of music and think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies. When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good.

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring and passionate.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping center to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!

    ...........

    Took it down to the bare bones.
    Second draft much better. In addition, as a woman I'd be looking for more detail on things like...
    -What type of humour do you enjoy? I.e. If we went on a date, how would I make you laugh? What tickles you?
    -What other personal qualities does your dream girl have (caring and passionate are fine but a bit generic) can you think of maybe 5 really sparkly qualities?
    -testimonials from friends. What do your mates tell you are your strong points? E.g. Kindness, loyalty, friendliness, approachability, maybe you cook a mean Fray Bentos, etc etc. Get 'em in.
    -Where do you enjoy going in Leeds in your free time? This would give me more of a steer on what kinda guy you are. Would I be likely to find you checking out a film at Hyde Park Picture House, or Everyman? Seeing some cool bands somewhere near the Corn Exchange or up by the Uni? Scoffing pizza in Headingley? Etc etc.

    Good luck. You seem sweet, I wish you well.
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    (Original post by Revebjelle)
    Second draft much better. In addition, as a woman I'd be looking for more detail on things like...
    -What type of humour do you enjoy? I.e. If we went on a date, how would I make you laugh? What tickles you?
    -What other personal qualities does your dream girl have (caring and passionate are fine but a bit generic) can you think of maybe 5 really sparkly qualities?
    -testimonials from friends. What do your mates tell you are your strong points? E.g. Kindness, loyalty, friendliness, approachability, maybe you cook a mean Fray Bentos, etc etc. Get 'em in.
    -Where do you enjoy going in Leeds in your free time? This would give me more of a steer on what kinda guy you are. Would I be likely to find you checking out a film at Hyde Park Picture House, or Everyman? Seeing some cool bands somewhere near the Corn Exchange or up by the Uni? Scoffing pizza in Headingley? Etc etc.

    Good luck. You seem sweet, I wish you well.
    This is great advice.
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    (Original post by SophieSmall)
    In parts it seems a bit like you're writing an essay, so maybe tone it down a bit. I also personally very much dislike the " i aspire to be a very wealthy and powerful man." Might be a turn on for some women but I personally find it off putting, makes you seem superficial and a bit of an arse.
    agreed
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    I'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics, graduating this summer. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport although i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or cocktail.

    I enjoy most types of music and think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies. When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good. I'm pretty laid back and find most things funny from a good old knock knock joke to random behavior. Friends say that i'm direct, loyal, friendly, funny and random. Also that i make a killer White Russian. More often than not in my free time you'll see me window shopping or sat in a bar/coffee shop reading the paper (FT for the win)..

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring, loyal, adventurous and passionate.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping center to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!

    .........................

    (Original post by Revebjelle)
    Second draft much better. In addition, as a woman I'd be looking for more detail on things like...
    -What type of humour do you enjoy? I.e. If we went on a date, how would I make you laugh? What tickles you?
    -What other personal qualities does your dream girl have (caring and passionate are fine but a bit generic) can you think of maybe 5 really sparkly qualities?
    -testimonials from friends. What do your mates tell you are your strong points? E.g. Kindness, loyalty, friendliness, approachability, maybe you cook a mean Fray Bentos, etc etc. Get 'em in.
    -Where do you enjoy going in Leeds in your free time? This would give me more of a steer on what kinda guy you are. Would I be likely to find you checking out a film at Hyde Park Picture House, or Everyman? Seeing some cool bands somewhere near the Corn Exchange or up by the Uni? Scoffing pizza in Headingley? Etc etc.

    Good luck. You seem sweet, I wish you well.
    Great suggestions so altered.

    I'm generally a pretty cheap laugh. I find anything from a politically incorrect joke (probably best not to put that i thought) to your normal dirty joke funny.

    Could only think of 4 unrelated ones that were related to personality but for me i'm not really into one type, it's about the feel once i meet a girl (be it somebody a bit dim but lovely or somebody that believes she could beat me on a game and reads Hayek).

    Rest i put in.
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    (Original post by trustmeimlying1)
    agreed
    Until today i'd no idea about the essay feel. I'd always assumed that women preferred a more detailed profile.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Until today i'd no idea about the essay feel. I'd always assumed that women preferred a more detailed profile.

    You can still be detailed without coming off like an essay, it's about not being formal, showing your personality in the text and being a bit colloquial at times.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    I'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics, graduating this summer. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport although i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or cocktail.

    I enjoy most types of music and think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies. When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good. I'm pretty laid back and find most things funny from a good old knock knock joke to random behavior. Friends say that i'm direct, loyal, friendly, funny and random. Also that i make a killer White Russian. More often than not in my free time you'll see me window shopping or sat in a bar/coffee shop reading the paper (FT for the win)..

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring, loyal, adventurous and passionate.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping center to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!
    This is much much muuuuuch better than your first draft. And White Russians :coma:

    But yeah I agreed with the comments above about the wealthy thing etc being OTT so this version is infinitely more appealing imo.
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    (Original post by Rakas21)
    I'm Professor X (obviously changed my name), i'm 25, live in Leeds City Center and am 6'4.

    I'm currently at university studying Economics, graduating this summer. I enjoy going to the gym and hope to begin playing tennis as my most liked sport although i do like lounging around outside in the sun, especially with a BBQ or cocktail.

    I enjoy most types of music and think that Gladiator and Titanic are in a league of their own when it comes to movies. When watching TV i think How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory and New Girl are all pretty good. I'm pretty laid back and find most things funny from a good old knock knock joke to random behavior. Friends say that i'm direct, loyal, friendly, funny and random. Also that i make a killer White Russian. More often than not in my free time you'll see me window shopping or sat in a bar/coffee shop reading the paper (FT for the win)..

    The type of girl i'm looking for is caring, loyal, adventurous and passionate.

    1st Date - Either go for a walk or go somewhere like a shopping center to look round and chat.

    2nd Date - Drinks!

    .........................



    Great suggestions so altered.

    I'm generally a pretty cheap laugh. I find anything from a politically incorrect joke (probably best not to put that i thought) to your normal dirty joke funny.

    Could only think of 4 unrelated ones that were related to personality but for me i'm not really into one type, it's about the feel once i meet a girl (be it somebody a bit dim but lovely or somebody that believes she could beat me on a game and reads Hayek).

    Rest i put in.
    much better

    do let us know how yeh get on

    (Original post by Rakas21)
    Until today i'd no idea about the essay feel. I'd always assumed that women preferred a more detailed profile.
    no one likes to read your lifestory

    imagine reading it yourself not in the sense of finding out about the person but overall enjoying the read

    easy language funny short reads work best as a result giving a better albeit a perhaps less realistic view of a person

    thats the dating game for yeh.
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    Do drinks for the first date, who wants to walk round a shopping centre aimlessly with someone they've only just met?
 
 
 
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